3 ms·

Completely unfounded premise, large "me me me" middle chunk, and an unwarranted conclusion. There are plenty of mono people who choose mono and who deal with j

Completely unfounded premise, large "me me me" middle chunk, and an unwarranted conclusion. There are plenty of mono people who choose mono and who deal with jealousy. The entire premise is starting off on the wrong foot. (There's also a good chunk of mono people who observe and/or try poly and say "dear God, I never want that scheduling nightmare") It is certainly consistent with a large subgroup within poly that likes to send the message that polyamory will make you somehow a more evolved human being. But there, too, is plenty of evidence to the contrary. (Major sanctimonious preachers of the poly choir have turned out to be major shitheels in recent years) So maybe, just maybe, we shouldn't conflate choice of partners with character, ethical behavior, or other traits. Just a thought.

titanomachy 4y ago
It's kind of buried, but near the end TFA says 'I should clarify that my definition of monogamy is "when you place a restriction or expectation on your partner’s engagement in sexual activity."' So if you and your partner have both freely decided that you don't want to date other people because the scheduling is too annoying, you're not really her target. I've heard some of my friends say things like "if I ever found out my partner slept with someone else, I'd be furious and might never forgive them." Maybe that's who she has in mind.
- groby_b 4y ago
  One: That's really not how monogamy is defined. If you'd like to re-define extremely common terms, it might be a nice idea to lead with that. Two: You can certainly mutually agree to expectations without being insecure. Hey, lots of couples are monogamous because STDs are a thing, and they FULLY expect their partner to stick to that definition. Not insecurity, collective risk management. Three: Not forgiving somebody who betrayed your trust isn't jealousy. Wanting to control their behavior in the first place is. Four: If she wanted to say "jealousy is rooted in insecurity", she could've just said that and saved the world a lot of screen space. It's not about "target", it's about the mindset that somehow poly is magically better. (And boy, there are extremely jealous poly people out there. Wanting to control is a desire that's independent of relationship status)

titanomachy 4y ago

It's kind of buried, but near the end TFA says 'I should clarify that my definition of monogamy is "when you place a restriction or expectation on your partner’s engagement in sexual activity."' So if you and your partner have both freely decided that you don't want to date other people because the scheduling is too annoying, you're not really her target. I've heard some of my friends say things like "if I ever found out my partner slept with someone else, I'd be furious and might never forgive them." Maybe that's who she has in mind.

groby_b 4y ago
One: That's really not how monogamy is defined. If you'd like to re-define extremely common terms, it might be a nice idea to lead with that. Two: You can certainly mutually agree to expectations without being insecure. Hey, lots of couples are monogamous because STDs are a thing, and they FULLY expect their partner to stick to that definition. Not insecurity, collective risk management. Three: Not forgiving somebody who betrayed your trust isn't jealousy. Wanting to control their behavior in the first place is. Four: If she wanted to say "jealousy is rooted in insecurity", she could've just said that and saved the world a lot of screen space. It's not about "target", it's about the mindset that somehow poly is magically better. (And boy, there are extremely jealous poly people out there. Wanting to control is a desire that's independent of relationship status)