3 ms·

Many good points here. Especially > Here's a related (novel?) concept: don't try to leverage friendships for personal economic gain, for access to a job, for g

by geodel 4y ago

Many good points here. Especially > Here's a related (novel?) concept: don't try to leverage friendships for personal economic gain, for access to a job, for growing your multi-level marketing business, etc. A little personal story - Many years back I was living with roommates and didn't have car. It would be easy way to ask for ride since office really couple of miles from home and really on the way of other guys commute. But I kinda made a point to just walk to work and consciously avoid asking for ride. Looking back I feel it really led to much better relationship than it would be if I had taken convenient route.

renewiltord 4y ago
I actually disagree with this one. I think you should ask favours of and offer favours to your friends. It's part of the enmeshing of one's life with another. If they are willing, it shows intention and trust.
- joshgachnang 4y ago
  There's a big difference between "hey, can you give me a ride to the store to pick up this large thing?" vs "hey can you give me a ride to work every day".
  - renewiltord 4y ago
    Okay, but I'm not talking about "Hey, can you give me a ride to work every day?" but "Hey, can you give me a ride to work?" every day. I think this might be a cultural difference, though, because I live with two close friends and they ask me this one often and I have no problem doing it or not based on whether I can. If it's a small deal, I might accelerate my morning routine so I can drop them off on my way to work. If I can't, I usually just say so. I have a few different friend groups and I'm conscious of different cultural mores, though. The group where this is common has a certain low-social-distance norm. In any case, I have lots of close friends and I usually see people lament a lack of any, so I think it's better to do what I do rather than what others do. But cultural differences are cultural differences.

by geodel 4y ago

renewiltord 4y ago

I actually disagree with this one. I think you should ask favours of and offer favours to your friends. It's part of the enmeshing of one's life with another. If they are willing, it shows intention and trust.

joshgachnang 4y ago
There's a big difference between "hey, can you give me a ride to the store to pick up this large thing?" vs "hey can you give me a ride to work every day".
- renewiltord 4y ago
  Okay, but I'm not talking about "Hey, can you give me a ride to work every day?" but "Hey, can you give me a ride to work?" every day. I think this might be a cultural difference, though, because I live with two close friends and they ask me this one often and I have no problem doing it or not based on whether I can. If it's a small deal, I might accelerate my morning routine so I can drop them off on my way to work. If I can't, I usually just say so. I have a few different friend groups and I'm conscious of different cultural mores, though. The group where this is common has a certain low-social-distance norm. In any case, I have lots of close friends and I usually see people lament a lack of any, so I think it's better to do what I do rather than what others do. But cultural differences are cultural differences.