4 ms·

The problem is that it does happen. People do make up DV stories to gain leverage in divorces and children are easy to manipulate. In short, the opposite is e

by treis 4y ago

The problem is that it does happen. People do make up DV stories to gain leverage in divorces and children are easy to manipulate. In short, the opposite is equally Kafkaesque and there's little way of reliably determining the truth

slowcathack 4y ago
I'm a long time reader but I decided to bite at this comment. This isn't going to be a well received comment but here it goes. My partner was going to do the whole parental alimentation at the end of the relationship, multiple DVO and restraining orders but she was a gasped at what I did. I just packed my bags and move in and started a new family with a new partner. You have to accept that once a relationship has broken down, there are no rules or obligations that either of you need to follow. Yes, it sucks for the kids but if it really was for the kids then there would be a incentive to work-out the dichotomy. The problem is now theirs to pick up the pieces like yourself and live the rest of your life, I owe nothing to them and vis versa. I did recently bump into her new partner during the stroll with my new family which he confided that she was going to do everything in her power to destroy me financially and emotionally but didn't think I would do what I did.
- robonerd 4y ago
  > I did recently bump into her new partner during the stroll with my new family which he confided that she was going to do everything in her power to destroy me financially and emotionally Brave man, to know that and still get involved with her..
- em-bee 4y ago
  a gasped -> aghast?
- epicureanideal 4y ago
  > I just packed my bags and move in and started a new family with a new partner. Given how biased the current system is I think this is a reasonable default choice. If the ex is throwing crazy accusations and the courts continue to reward liars, this is probably the only way to avoid spending yourself into bankruptcy trying to stay in your kids’ lives. It’s definitely not good for the kids at all, but it’s also not good for them to have the whole family’s assets spent on attorneys, and to risk the father being accused of so much stuff that he ends up in jail during all the gamesmanship. When they’re older hopefully you’d be able to reconnect and explain what happened.
- pessimizer 4y ago
  > parental alimentation I think this is when you eat your children.
- znkynz 4y ago
  Just making sure i haven't misunderstood- you've effectively choosen to disappear from your kids lives?
  - em-bee 4y ago
    with restraining orders he probably had no choice. at that point the only way to for the kids to see him would be court-ordered visitation rights.
  - slowcathack 4y ago
    > Just making sure i haven't misunderstood- you've effectively choosen to disappear from your kids lives? Yes, until such time they want to reach out and meet their Dad if they don't then hope they're aren't hungry. @em-bee The restraining and the DVO orders effectively abated then expired after two years. During such time the partner found out about the new family and sought to enforce new orders they're (intimation, rape, child abuse) orders, and stalking orders). They didn't even make it to the judge as they where lodged during effectively all the other orders and the technicality that I was in another country at the time.
notacoward 4y ago
My understanding is that shady accusations of abuse (spousal or child) are totally routine in divorce/custody cases. Lawyers won't explicitly recommend making something up out of whole cloth, which would be subornation of perjury, but they often fish really hard for anything that might be construed that way. The implication that "such an accusation would greatly strengthen your position" is hard to miss and often acted upon. Parental alienation seems like just the other side of the same coin.
- epicureanideal 4y ago
  > Parental alienation seems like just the other side of the same coin. Except that accusations of parental alienation are still relatively rare, and often frowned upon by the court. False DV claims are routine. The scale of one is much greater than the other. But because one is sometimes used by fathers that one is getting cracked down on in articles, even when it’s maybe 1% of the problem. Where’s the mainstream articles about the epidemic of false DV accusations during divorce?

by treis 4y ago

slowcathack 4y ago

I'm a long time reader but I decided to bite at this comment. This isn't going to be a well received comment but here it goes. My partner was going to do the whole parental alimentation at the end of the relationship, multiple DVO and restraining orders but she was a gasped at what I did. I just packed my bags and move in and started a new family with a new partner. You have to accept that once a relationship has broken down, there are no rules or obligations that either of you need to follow. Yes, it sucks for the kids but if it really was for the kids then there would be a incentive to work-out the dichotomy. The problem is now theirs to pick up the pieces like yourself and live the rest of your life, I owe nothing to them and vis versa. I did recently bump into her new partner during the stroll with my new family which he confided that she was going to do everything in her power to destroy me financially and emotionally but didn't think I would do what I did.

robonerd 4y ago
> I did recently bump into her new partner during the stroll with my new family which he confided that she was going to do everything in her power to destroy me financially and emotionally Brave man, to know that and still get involved with her..
em-bee 4y ago
a gasped -> aghast?
epicureanideal 4y ago
> I just packed my bags and move in and started a new family with a new partner. Given how biased the current system is I think this is a reasonable default choice. If the ex is throwing crazy accusations and the courts continue to reward liars, this is probably the only way to avoid spending yourself into bankruptcy trying to stay in your kids’ lives. It’s definitely not good for the kids at all, but it’s also not good for them to have the whole family’s assets spent on attorneys, and to risk the father being accused of so much stuff that he ends up in jail during all the gamesmanship. When they’re older hopefully you’d be able to reconnect and explain what happened.
pessimizer 4y ago
> parental alimentation I think this is when you eat your children.
znkynz 4y ago
Just making sure i haven't misunderstood- you've effectively choosen to disappear from your kids lives?
- em-bee 4y ago
  with restraining orders he probably had no choice. at that point the only way to for the kids to see him would be court-ordered visitation rights.
- slowcathack 4y ago
  > Just making sure i haven't misunderstood- you've effectively choosen to disappear from your kids lives? Yes, until such time they want to reach out and meet their Dad if they don't then hope they're aren't hungry. @em-bee The restraining and the DVO orders effectively abated then expired after two years. During such time the partner found out about the new family and sought to enforce new orders they're (intimation, rape, child abuse) orders, and stalking orders). They didn't even make it to the judge as they where lodged during effectively all the other orders and the technicality that I was in another country at the time.

notacoward 4y ago

My understanding is that shady accusations of abuse (spousal or child) are totally routine in divorce/custody cases. Lawyers won't explicitly recommend making something up out of whole cloth, which would be subornation of perjury, but they often fish really hard for anything that might be construed that way. The implication that "such an accusation would greatly strengthen your position" is hard to miss and often acted upon. Parental alienation seems like just the other side of the same coin.

epicureanideal 4y ago
> Parental alienation seems like just the other side of the same coin. Except that accusations of parental alienation are still relatively rare, and often frowned upon by the court. False DV claims are routine. The scale of one is much greater than the other. But because one is sometimes used by fathers that one is getting cracked down on in articles, even when it’s maybe 1% of the problem. Where’s the mainstream articles about the epidemic of false DV accusations during divorce?