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So, how do you know these things? If they're so subtle and hard to measure, it seems as if questions of causality would be very hard to answer.

by dash2 4y ago

ImPostingOnHN 4y ago
Additionally, the decision to go to therapy and deal with your own issues so you can be a better parent is a conscious parenting decision, which would never be taken if "parenting doesn't matter".
trey-jones 4y ago
There's no doubt it's very hard to answer. If it were easy, would it be such a contentious issue and worthy of debate here? I am a parent of 3 (ages 5-12) and anecdotally I can say that I am occasionally surprised to notice some behavior that my children have picked up, and it's difficult to know whether it's genetic, because they are biologically mine and I am also one their primary environmental influences. It seems that studies of adoptees and other circumstances that involve non-biological parents as mentioned in the article can provide better answers in this regard. Also the notion of "spoiling" a child through lack of discipline doesn't look like an old wives' tale to me. There are some wisdoms that have come up through the ages that are correct. Just look around - I try not to criticize parenting styles that are different from mine, but letting your phone babysit your kid is lazy, and you're going to reap the behavioral consequences for that, if you make that decision. It does matter the decisions that you make as a parent, and it does affect who or what your child becomes. Some interactions are probably subtle, but some are also obvious.
dathinab 4y ago
Correct, it's hard especially proving it true (or false!). But you can analyses many aspects of it in isolation, e.g. short term reactions of very young children to subtle subconscious mimic and gestic from people around them. Similar you can somewhat study how trauma is passed onto future generations in some cases. You can also study how can e.g. realize a subconscious fear of the parent related to something then tend to develop that fare, too. Etc. Etc. In the end you basically end up with many puzzel prizes which happen to fit very well together, but due to the limitations of science you can't prove that they fit. But there is no indication that they don't fit and logical reasoning says it's very plausible so acting on the assumption of it being right is quite reasonable.

So, how do you know these things? If they're so subtle and hard to measure, it seems as if questions of causality would be very hard to answer.

by dash2 4y ago

So, how do you know these things? If they're so subtle and hard to measure, it seems as if questions of causality would be very hard to answer.

ImPostingOnHN 4y ago

Additionally, the decision to go to therapy and deal with your own issues so you can be a better parent is a conscious parenting decision, which would never be taken if "parenting doesn't matter".

trey-jones 4y ago

There's no doubt it's very hard to answer. If it were easy, would it be such a contentious issue and worthy of debate here? I am a parent of 3 (ages 5-12) and anecdotally I can say that I am occasionally surprised to notice some behavior that my children have picked up, and it's difficult to know whether it's genetic, because they are biologically mine and I am also one their primary environmental influences. It seems that studies of adoptees and other circumstances that involve non-biological parents as mentioned in the article can provide better answers in this regard. Also the notion of "spoiling" a child through lack of discipline doesn't look like an old wives' tale to me. There are some wisdoms that have come up through the ages that are correct. Just look around - I try not to criticize parenting styles that are different from mine, but letting your phone babysit your kid is lazy, and you're going to reap the behavioral consequences for that, if you make that decision. It does matter the decisions that you make as a parent, and it does affect who or what your child becomes. Some interactions are probably subtle, but some are also obvious.

dathinab 4y ago

Correct, it's hard especially proving it true (or false!). But you can analyses many aspects of it in isolation, e.g. short term reactions of very young children to subtle subconscious mimic and gestic from people around them. Similar you can somewhat study how trauma is passed onto future generations in some cases. You can also study how can e.g. realize a subconscious fear of the parent related to something then tend to develop that fare, too. Etc. Etc. In the end you basically end up with many puzzel prizes which happen to fit very well together, but due to the limitations of science you can't prove that they fit. But there is no indication that they don't fit and logical reasoning says it's very plausible so acting on the assumption of it being right is quite reasonable.