4 ms·

It may be surprising, but children care less about the extras than adults do. They may outwardly complain about not having things other children have, but when

by starkd 4y ago

It may be surprising, but children care less about the extras than adults do. They may outwardly complain about not having things other children have, but when they are grown, their predominant memories are not going to be shaped by that. They are likely going to be more emotionally distressed at remembering how their parents never spent enough time with them, because they were too busy at work making the money to buy all the expensive accomodations. Kids are resilient, and have a great imagination. Much of the busy work we subject them to only suppresses the imagination. As my uncle used to say, everyone he knew grew up poor, but they didn't even know they were poor until they grew up.

cyberlurker 4y ago
I think things like tiktok and instagram have made it difficult to not know/think you are poor.
- rapnie 4y ago
  Yes, so much content aimed at driving consumerism, creating trends and fads for the latest fashion and gadgets, peer pressure to follow them. I find it adorable when young children are presented with some expensive present, they cry out in delight.. and start playing with the wrapping paper, ignoring the gift.
- kQq9oHeAz6wLLS 4y ago
  Then perhaps kids shouldn't have unrestricted access to social media? There are a whole host of societal and sociological problems that things like tiktok bring (remember the tide pods fiasco, and any number of things since then?)
  - vwcx 4y ago
    Relevant: https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2022/06/10/meta-faces-lawsuits-mental-health/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2022/06/10/meta-fa...
- AussieWog93 4y ago
  Maybe it's just the people I know, but my (male) cousins who use TikTok and Insta basically just find stupid/inappropriate memes to laugh at with their mates.
- dragonwriter 4y ago
  TikTok and Instagram expand people’s social context beyond what it would be otherwise because of geography plus the strong existing force of race, subculture, and class (both imposed- and self-) segregation, yes.
dash2 4y ago
Oh man, I'm not sure about that. As a teenager, I went to school with kids who were much richer than me. They got a regular allowance, I didn't. It was so painful because I could never join in anything. I ended up with this huge feeling of powerlessness. I think a bit of cash would have made a big difference to me. Maybe that's a sad reflection of our society, or teenagers in the 80s.
- frereubu 4y ago
  I had a similar experience. Although I agree that not having the money to buy objects may not affect childhood memories too much, not having the money to spend on social experiences (and I suppose that includes being able to buy objects that allow experiences, like sports kit), does hurt. Experiences with peers are closely allied to experiences with parents and family.
  - starkd 4y ago
    Not having money (or material resources) also incentives you to develop your own internal resources/skills. To some extent, it's part of life.
  - AussieWog93 4y ago
    100% this. It persists into adulthood too. "Keeping up with the Joneses" is basically just spending your money on the mandatory luxuries to remain a part of your social circle.
    - candiodari 4y ago
      (just replying to this general thread of thought, not necessarily to your comment specifically) All these differences in opinion, all of which are probably true. It's almost like kids are in fact a complex 100 billion neuron learning system that cannot be usefully described by generalizations.
- lupire 4y ago
  That's because your parents put you in a bad environment with bad people and didn't give you tools to protect yourself.
agumonkey 4y ago
IMO kids need to be heard and accounted for, on semi heavy important topics. Friendship, passions, emotional intelligence, structure of society.
- sekh60 4y ago
  Our little one is only 2 and a half, but once she is old enough to see a therapist (I think we have one nearby specializing in children as young as 3) we plan to take her at least once a year. Both my spouse and I have mental illnesses, and we want to keep an eye open for that. Also being a kid is tough! Lots of big emotions and we want her to have someone she can confide in. Probably will increase frequency as she nears and enters her teens.
  - agumonkey 4y ago
    Good to anticipate the situation. That said, don't let everything happen in a therapist office, kids need to be known to their parents IMO. Maybe not 100% but a lot.
    - sekh60 4y ago
      Good advice. We definitely model open communication between my spouse and I and we talk to her about her feelings a lot. We just want to give her another outlet and ear.
  - cyberpunk 4y ago
    The entire psychotherapy profession is complete snake oil. I guarantee ‘Thud!’ Would still have the same results today. Please, look that one up. All they do is label and try to resolve symptoms, thus creating nice excuses for not fixing things that actually cause you some problems. It’s like how drug and alcohol abuse policies that blame the drugs or alcohol don’t work. Personally, I wouldn’t send my kids anywhere near such pseudoscientific charlatans; having experienced them myself as a child. You’d do better to spend the time and money elsewhere.
    - 4y ago
dazc 4y ago
You don't know you're poor unless people around you have more money than you do.
waynesonfire 4y ago
I grew up poor among wealthy as well. I think what helped with my perspective is I spent time with communities that were even poorer than I.
dragonwriter 4y ago
> It may be surprising, but children care less about the extras than adults do. They may outwardly complain about not having things other children have, but when they are grown, their predominant memories are not going to be shaped by that. I've known adults from lots of different economic backgrounds, both in absolute terms and relative to the people they were in immediate contact with, and the ones that grew up relatively deprived compared to their immediate social context definitely do not support your description.

by starkd 4y ago

cyberlurker 4y ago

I think things like tiktok and instagram have made it difficult to not know/think you are poor.

rapnie 4y ago
Yes, so much content aimed at driving consumerism, creating trends and fads for the latest fashion and gadgets, peer pressure to follow them. I find it adorable when young children are presented with some expensive present, they cry out in delight.. and start playing with the wrapping paper, ignoring the gift.
kQq9oHeAz6wLLS 4y ago
Then perhaps kids shouldn't have unrestricted access to social media? There are a whole host of societal and sociological problems that things like tiktok bring (remember the tide pods fiasco, and any number of things since then?)
- vwcx 4y ago
  Relevant: https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2022/06/10/meta-faces-lawsuits-mental-health/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2022/06/10/meta-fa...
AussieWog93 4y ago
Maybe it's just the people I know, but my (male) cousins who use TikTok and Insta basically just find stupid/inappropriate memes to laugh at with their mates.
dragonwriter 4y ago
TikTok and Instagram expand people’s social context beyond what it would be otherwise because of geography plus the strong existing force of race, subculture, and class (both imposed- and self-) segregation, yes.

dash2 4y ago

Oh man, I'm not sure about that. As a teenager, I went to school with kids who were much richer than me. They got a regular allowance, I didn't. It was so painful because I could never join in anything. I ended up with this huge feeling of powerlessness. I think a bit of cash would have made a big difference to me. Maybe that's a sad reflection of our society, or teenagers in the 80s.

frereubu 4y ago
I had a similar experience. Although I agree that not having the money to buy objects may not affect childhood memories too much, not having the money to spend on social experiences (and I suppose that includes being able to buy objects that allow experiences, like sports kit), does hurt. Experiences with peers are closely allied to experiences with parents and family.
- starkd 4y ago
  Not having money (or material resources) also incentives you to develop your own internal resources/skills. To some extent, it's part of life.
- AussieWog93 4y ago
  100% this. It persists into adulthood too. "Keeping up with the Joneses" is basically just spending your money on the mandatory luxuries to remain a part of your social circle.
  - candiodari 4y ago
    (just replying to this general thread of thought, not necessarily to your comment specifically) All these differences in opinion, all of which are probably true. It's almost like kids are in fact a complex 100 billion neuron learning system that cannot be usefully described by generalizations.
lupire 4y ago
That's because your parents put you in a bad environment with bad people and didn't give you tools to protect yourself.

agumonkey 4y ago

IMO kids need to be heard and accounted for, on semi heavy important topics. Friendship, passions, emotional intelligence, structure of society.

sekh60 4y ago
Our little one is only 2 and a half, but once she is old enough to see a therapist (I think we have one nearby specializing in children as young as 3) we plan to take her at least once a year. Both my spouse and I have mental illnesses, and we want to keep an eye open for that. Also being a kid is tough! Lots of big emotions and we want her to have someone she can confide in. Probably will increase frequency as she nears and enters her teens.
- agumonkey 4y ago
  Good to anticipate the situation. That said, don't let everything happen in a therapist office, kids need to be known to their parents IMO. Maybe not 100% but a lot.
  - sekh60 4y ago
    Good advice. We definitely model open communication between my spouse and I and we talk to her about her feelings a lot. We just want to give her another outlet and ear.
- cyberpunk 4y ago
  The entire psychotherapy profession is complete snake oil. I guarantee ‘Thud!’ Would still have the same results today. Please, look that one up. All they do is label and try to resolve symptoms, thus creating nice excuses for not fixing things that actually cause you some problems. It’s like how drug and alcohol abuse policies that blame the drugs or alcohol don’t work. Personally, I wouldn’t send my kids anywhere near such pseudoscientific charlatans; having experienced them myself as a child. You’d do better to spend the time and money elsewhere.
  - 4y ago

dazc 4y ago

You don't know you're poor unless people around you have more money than you do.

waynesonfire 4y ago

I grew up poor among wealthy as well. I think what helped with my perspective is I spent time with communities that were even poorer than I.

dragonwriter 4y ago

> It may be surprising, but children care less about the extras than adults do. They may outwardly complain about not having things other children have, but when they are grown, their predominant memories are not going to be shaped by that. I've known adults from lots of different economic backgrounds, both in absolute terms and relative to the people they were in immediate contact with, and the ones that grew up relatively deprived compared to their immediate social context definitely do not support your description.