I am myself a software engineer / team lead in germany ("near" cologne). A lot of what you said is correct I guess. In the US your potentially salary is a lot

I am myself a software engineer / team lead in germany ("near" cologne). A lot of what you said is correct I guess. In the US your potentially salary is a lot higher. Although if you plan to move to germany, bavaria is a good spot. Salary there is (at least what I know), higher than in the rest of the country. One thing that I would add to the equation is job safety. In germany you have a pretty high job safety and it is especially hard to get someone out of the job. But maybe you get both, a living near your wifes family and the support and a good paid remote job in some big US corp (if you prefer that).