3 ms·

Yep, I've burned out. I was doing a finance/business job that involved overseas travel and frequent 80+ hour weeks. I would sometimes not wash, eat or sleep in

Yep, I've burned out. I was doing a finance/business job that involved overseas travel and frequent 80+ hour weeks. I would sometimes not wash, eat or sleep in order to deliver. I fell for the same trap that lots of insecure overachievers fall for after college: a strong desire to prove myself, inability to set boundaries and a lack of mentorship / welfare support (other than to 'lean in'). After about 3 years of this, in 2019, I was away on a work trip and decided to tag a vacation on at the end. And I just couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't even bring myself to get food sent up to my room. I had already felt pretty suicidal by that point and knew I needed help, so I used work medical to set me up with a therapist. It's taken way longer than I anticipated, and Covid didn't help, but I'm doing better. I'm far less neurotic, I actually have hobbies, and I've managed to hold down a couple of relationships for the first time in my life. To get to this stage, I needed to seriously take my foot of the pedal: I functionally went down to a part time job (same company, different position) and I had to completely reconfigure my values. I miss my old self sometimes - the one that would crank all-nighters for work, a job offer or a side-hussle - but I know that old person wasn't going to last very long in the modern world!

dirtybirdnj 4y ago
> I fell for the same trap that lots of insecure overachievers fall for after college: a strong desire to prove myself, inability to set boundaries and a lack of mentorship / welfare support (other than to 'lean in'). Oh man do I feel seen here. I worked at a commercial pizza kitchen for a few months, this led me to feel maybe I could try software again and had a really, really bad experience. It took a few months for me to apply again, which is the job in my post above. That desire to prove myself causes me so much pain and I wish I could give up. Going to a retail job I have similar reservations, starting to feel like things have just changed and I'm the one who's not recognizing it trying to live in the past. I hope I can find a way to dig myself out of debt but it's going to take years at a drip drip drip rate compared to what I used to make in software. Why do we have resumes and talk about our careers if we're just going to be accused of "living in the past"? I think it really just depends on whether you have a past you can be proud of or if you're embarrassed by it and trying to hide the shame.

dirtybirdnj 4y ago

> I fell for the same trap that lots of insecure overachievers fall for after college: a strong desire to prove myself, inability to set boundaries and a lack of mentorship / welfare support (other than to 'lean in'). Oh man do I feel seen here. I worked at a commercial pizza kitchen for a few months, this led me to feel maybe I could try software again and had a really, really bad experience. It took a few months for me to apply again, which is the job in my post above. That desire to prove myself causes me so much pain and I wish I could give up. Going to a retail job I have similar reservations, starting to feel like things have just changed and I'm the one who's not recognizing it trying to live in the past. I hope I can find a way to dig myself out of debt but it's going to take years at a drip drip drip rate compared to what I used to make in software. Why do we have resumes and talk about our careers if we're just going to be accused of "living in the past"? I think it really just depends on whether you have a past you can be proud of or if you're embarrassed by it and trying to hide the shame.