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I would have used "dude" and not worried about it - HN is mostly dudes and from my experience female nerds could care less if you call them dudes (and may even

I would have used "dude" and not worried about it - HN is mostly dudes and from my experience female nerds could care less if you call them dudes (and may even get a little thrill out of it.)

sillysaurusx 4y ago
You wouldn’t date a dude unless you like dudes. The ones I’ve spoken with definitely don’t get a thrill out of that.
- javajosh 4y ago
  Not sure what you mean. Not talking about dating anyone, talking about addressing someone online as "dude". Where I grew up, in LA, "dude" is used by both men and women to address each other. And unless you yourself are harmed, or know someone who is harmed by this usage, I'd avoid taking speculative umbrage first because it's bad for your heart, and second because it's a huge waste of everyone's time.
  - sillysaurusx 4y ago
    The fact that you feel it’s a waste of time is part of the problem, dude. I’m relating things that women have told me directly. It’s not speculative. It’s exhausting when you’re part of a group and constantly mislabeled. Being friends with a diverse range of people helps with this. Next time you feel it’s okay to refer to a woman as a dude, just remember that you wouldn’t date a dude unless you were into dudes. If you’d like to discuss further, I’d be willing, since it’s an important topic to me. But we have to keep it high quality and substantive.
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    - javajosh 4y ago
      >But we have to keep it high quality and substantive. Let me translate. "Hi, I'm a volunteer member of the thought police in good standing, and I feel you've committed a crime, which means you have. You are resisting, and I've already explained to you the facts about your crime, and even in a polite manner (which is not required; you're welcome), and now you have the temerity to resist. Resistance to my authority is, of course, an even greater crime. Before you ignore me, realize that the penalty for both crimes is total ostracism from every part of society in which thought police have sway. Which is a lot of it." Delusion doesn't frighten me, but shared delusion does because it can turn delusion into reality. You and your fellow thought police have amassed remarkable real power, which means your threats are not empty (interestingly, the same holds true for your empty-headed conspiracy monger counterparts on the right). The smart thing to do is to cave, at least outwardly, and beg forgiveness. But I feel this is dishonest and cowardly, and frankly it goes against every fiber of my being. I have always stood up against injustice as I perceived it, even as a child, and I'm not about to stop now just because I'm old and wise enough to see it's in my best interest. I refuse your offer. Your interaction with me has not been "high quality and substantive" up to this point, it has been smug, close-minded, judgemental, and aggressive and without basis. The power to judge others for their speech is a valid one within a limited range. We all should act to protect those being actively abused. But judgement, and self-restraint, and real victims, are critical to maintaining the validity of that power. When there are no victims, when the word is not an epithet, when the speaker has no malice, your actions are not then to protect anyone, but to flex your newfound power and cow others to your will. With the added twist that you get to speak down to your victim "But we have to keep it high quality and substantive". I don't recognize the kangaroo court you've devised, and to you, officer of the thought police, I say: GFY. Also, don't call me dude. You've lost the right.
    - Clubber 4y ago
      >I’m relating things that women have told me directly. It’s not speculative. It’s exhausting when you’re part of a group and constantly mislabeled. I don't recall any of my female friends ever getting offended by being called a "dude." I imagine they would get annoyed by some random person presuming to "protect" them from people on the internet, as if they were unable to speak up for themselves. Perhaps a bit misogamist when you think about it, no? >Being friends with a diverse range of people helps with this. Perhaps you should follow your own advice here if all the women you know get offended by being called "dude."

I would have used "dude" and not worried about it - HN is mostly dudes and from my experience female nerds could care less if you call them dudes (and may even get a little thrill out of it.)

sillysaurusx 4y ago

You wouldn’t date a dude unless you like dudes. The ones I’ve spoken with definitely don’t get a thrill out of that.

javajosh 4y ago
Not sure what you mean. Not talking about dating anyone, talking about addressing someone online as "dude". Where I grew up, in LA, "dude" is used by both men and women to address each other. And unless you yourself are harmed, or know someone who is harmed by this usage, I'd avoid taking speculative umbrage first because it's bad for your heart, and second because it's a huge waste of everyone's time.
- sillysaurusx 4y ago
  The fact that you feel it’s a waste of time is part of the problem, dude. I’m relating things that women have told me directly. It’s not speculative. It’s exhausting when you’re part of a group and constantly mislabeled. Being friends with a diverse range of people helps with this. Next time you feel it’s okay to refer to a woman as a dude, just remember that you wouldn’t date a dude unless you were into dudes. If you’d like to discuss further, I’d be willing, since it’s an important topic to me. But we have to keep it high quality and substantive.
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  - javajosh 4y ago
    >But we have to keep it high quality and substantive. Let me translate. "Hi, I'm a volunteer member of the thought police in good standing, and I feel you've committed a crime, which means you have. You are resisting, and I've already explained to you the facts about your crime, and even in a polite manner (which is not required; you're welcome), and now you have the temerity to resist. Resistance to my authority is, of course, an even greater crime. Before you ignore me, realize that the penalty for both crimes is total ostracism from every part of society in which thought police have sway. Which is a lot of it." Delusion doesn't frighten me, but shared delusion does because it can turn delusion into reality. You and your fellow thought police have amassed remarkable real power, which means your threats are not empty (interestingly, the same holds true for your empty-headed conspiracy monger counterparts on the right). The smart thing to do is to cave, at least outwardly, and beg forgiveness. But I feel this is dishonest and cowardly, and frankly it goes against every fiber of my being. I have always stood up against injustice as I perceived it, even as a child, and I'm not about to stop now just because I'm old and wise enough to see it's in my best interest. I refuse your offer. Your interaction with me has not been "high quality and substantive" up to this point, it has been smug, close-minded, judgemental, and aggressive and without basis. The power to judge others for their speech is a valid one within a limited range. We all should act to protect those being actively abused. But judgement, and self-restraint, and real victims, are critical to maintaining the validity of that power. When there are no victims, when the word is not an epithet, when the speaker has no malice, your actions are not then to protect anyone, but to flex your newfound power and cow others to your will. With the added twist that you get to speak down to your victim "But we have to keep it high quality and substantive". I don't recognize the kangaroo court you've devised, and to you, officer of the thought police, I say: GFY. Also, don't call me dude. You've lost the right.
  - Clubber 4y ago
    >I’m relating things that women have told me directly. It’s not speculative. It’s exhausting when you’re part of a group and constantly mislabeled. I don't recall any of my female friends ever getting offended by being called a "dude." I imagine they would get annoyed by some random person presuming to "protect" them from people on the internet, as if they were unable to speak up for themselves. Perhaps a bit misogamist when you think about it, no? >Being friends with a diverse range of people helps with this. Perhaps you should follow your own advice here if all the women you know get offended by being called "dude."