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I have one piece of potentially unpopular advice: Do not quite social media just because fellow HN users convinced you to. Think it through. There is a vocal

I have one piece of potentially unpopular advice: Do not quite social media just because fellow HN users convinced you to. Think it through. There is a vocal contingent of people here who can tell you all about how bad it is, and they are convincing. Dumbest thing I've done in a while was delete my FB account because I felt like the arguments here were compelling. Turns out that I had regular interactions with a number of people through FB that weren't really feasible any other way, and reconnecting is a hassle when you nuke your entire friend list. It may seem like these are low-value connections, and many people here will suggest that they are, but you should carefully consider for yourself whether you want to nuke that bridge. Importantly -- it was not, and is not ruling my life, so deleting it caused no great epiphany or transformation in my life. At least, not a positive one. I visit FB once every day or other day for a few minutes, and I value the interactions. I blocked all the unpleasant stuff, and only use FB to connect with people I like. Be careful about deleting that. Want to know the hard truth? If I really wanted to improve my life, productivity, etc, by removing any particular social media -- it would be Hacker News. This place is a very attractive time suck.

zach_garwood 4y ago
> Do not quite social media just because fellow HN users convinced you to. Think it through. I think the larger lesson here is "don't take advice from random strangers on the internet".
yCombLinks 4y ago
Agreed, I just unfollowed absolutely everyone except very close people, and a group I'm involved in. This way my feed doesn't have much to scroll through, so it isn't addictive to look at.
guerrilla 4y ago
> . It may seem like these are low-value connections, and many people here will suggest that they are, but you should carefully consider for yourself whether you want to nuke that bridge. I've had people here literally try to gaslight me about this as if they know more about my relationships than I do. They don't realize that certain apps are the entire internet for very large portions of entire countries... or that other methods would just have way too much friction to keep in contact with all the exchange students I know around the world... Explaining this, they then try to tell me my relationships just aren't that important to me or as deep as I think :)
- webmobdev 4y ago
  I haven't seen anyone here claim that "relationships" on social media are not important. What many do say is that the daily addictive "interactions" through social media, like FB, don't mean much in terms of strengthening or weakening a relationship. I don't have an FB or Whatsapp or Google account even though they dominate my country. Yet, when I call people or SMS / text them, nearly all respond on the same medium because that's the quality of relationship I have built with them. Social media relationships mostly ends up feeling voyeuristic and even like a chore at some point.
  - guerrilla 4y ago
    Here we go again. > I haven't seen anyone here claim that "relationships" on social media are not important. Because you didn't see it then I didn't see it? I'm sure you don't read every single comment every day. This has been said to me twice now. I've seen plenty of other people get in the same arguments. > What many do say is that the daily addictive "interactions" through social media, like FB, don't mean much in terms of strengthening or weakening a relationship. I'm telling you it does mean much in terms of strengthening or weakening my relationships. > I don't have an FB or Whatsapp or Google account even though they dominate my country. You know people that are willing to do that. I know people who aren't or can't.
    - webmobdev 4y ago
      > Because you didn't see it then I didn't see it? Like you, I too was clarifying what I have read here on HN so that others don't misunderstand that what you read is the only view on HN when it comes to SM. Now, I do support that perspective - not using FB or WhatsApp has only proved to be a minor irritant for me simply because I work on my relationships the old fashioned - I keep in touch regularly through calls / SMS / email / in person, enquire about their well-being, share my feelings and experiences, and offer support when needed. This happened because I changed as I grew older - I started prioritising improving quality over quantity of relationship, and I found social media to be hindrance for this. Moreover, the privacy benefits of not using social media hugely outweigh any value that social media platforms offers. > You know people that are willing to do that. I know people who aren't or can't. Sure, I have faced similar issues - for e.g. when I ask someone to share some photos, and they learn that I don't have whatsapp, they do groan and grumble when I ask them to either email me or upload and share it. Some don't and that maybe disappointing for some moment, but you move on. If it's a big deal, you persist. Social media platforms may be the dominant way to communicate in today's world, but it is not the only way. And if you focus on improving the quality of your existing relationships, people will want to communicate with you. That works for me because I put in the slightly extra effort for that.
Minor49er 4y ago
Hacker News isn't a social media site. It's a user-submitted news site that has a comment section, not a place to build connections with other users. Any networking that happens on this site have to take place using means beyond the site. Also, why would you delete your Facebook account without having another way to contact the people on there that you do care about interacting with? You should at least have email addresses, phone numbers, real addresses, or whatever else in a personal contact list.
- rootusrootus 4y ago
  > Also, why would you delete your Facebook account without having another way [...] As I said, it was dumb. I did not fully consider the implications, which is why I caution others here to not make the same mistake.
  - deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
rootsudo 4y ago
I've come to the same conclusion, especially with HN being a timesuck. Not a bad timesuck, but it very much does contribute to a dopamine feedback addiction loop for me. I'm glad it's here, than, Facebook, but yes. There's also a part of society that does require Facebook and other Meta properties, unfortunately. While I deleted all friends and purged my facebook of real material - I use it for marketplace listings and groups which give it considerable value and insight. I would argue that breaking the loops and addiction is a solid first step, disable notifications and delete the native apps - and apply/increase friction to use the platform e.g. for facebook access it only via the mobile interface.
Markoff 4y ago
> reconnecting is a hassle when you nuke your entire friend list Why? Deleting your account doesn't mean deleting your friend list backup. I've deleted my FB account many (6?) years ago, I am not missing it at all, but I still have screenshots of my friend list, if I felt urge to connect with these people it would be matter of few minutes to send them requests (it's not very extensive list, maybe 50 people). Same reason why I didn't DELETE my LinkedIn account, but it's FROZEN with montly reminder from Linkedin. I'm always surprised how impulsive and lacking self control are some of the HN users, I'd expect better from tech community.

zach_garwood 4y ago

> Do not quite social media just because fellow HN users convinced you to. Think it through. I think the larger lesson here is "don't take advice from random strangers on the internet".

yCombLinks 4y ago

Agreed, I just unfollowed absolutely everyone except very close people, and a group I'm involved in. This way my feed doesn't have much to scroll through, so it isn't addictive to look at.

guerrilla 4y ago

> . It may seem like these are low-value connections, and many people here will suggest that they are, but you should carefully consider for yourself whether you want to nuke that bridge. I've had people here literally try to gaslight me about this as if they know more about my relationships than I do. They don't realize that certain apps are the entire internet for very large portions of entire countries... or that other methods would just have way too much friction to keep in contact with all the exchange students I know around the world... Explaining this, they then try to tell me my relationships just aren't that important to me or as deep as I think :)

webmobdev 4y ago
I haven't seen anyone here claim that "relationships" on social media are not important. What many do say is that the daily addictive "interactions" through social media, like FB, don't mean much in terms of strengthening or weakening a relationship. I don't have an FB or Whatsapp or Google account even though they dominate my country. Yet, when I call people or SMS / text them, nearly all respond on the same medium because that's the quality of relationship I have built with them. Social media relationships mostly ends up feeling voyeuristic and even like a chore at some point.
- guerrilla 4y ago
  Here we go again. > I haven't seen anyone here claim that "relationships" on social media are not important. Because you didn't see it then I didn't see it? I'm sure you don't read every single comment every day. This has been said to me twice now. I've seen plenty of other people get in the same arguments. > What many do say is that the daily addictive "interactions" through social media, like FB, don't mean much in terms of strengthening or weakening a relationship. I'm telling you it does mean much in terms of strengthening or weakening my relationships. > I don't have an FB or Whatsapp or Google account even though they dominate my country. You know people that are willing to do that. I know people who aren't or can't.
  - webmobdev 4y ago
    > Because you didn't see it then I didn't see it? Like you, I too was clarifying what I have read here on HN so that others don't misunderstand that what you read is the only view on HN when it comes to SM. Now, I do support that perspective - not using FB or WhatsApp has only proved to be a minor irritant for me simply because I work on my relationships the old fashioned - I keep in touch regularly through calls / SMS / email / in person, enquire about their well-being, share my feelings and experiences, and offer support when needed. This happened because I changed as I grew older - I started prioritising improving quality over quantity of relationship, and I found social media to be hindrance for this. Moreover, the privacy benefits of not using social media hugely outweigh any value that social media platforms offers. > You know people that are willing to do that. I know people who aren't or can't. Sure, I have faced similar issues - for e.g. when I ask someone to share some photos, and they learn that I don't have whatsapp, they do groan and grumble when I ask them to either email me or upload and share it. Some don't and that maybe disappointing for some moment, but you move on. If it's a big deal, you persist. Social media platforms may be the dominant way to communicate in today's world, but it is not the only way. And if you focus on improving the quality of your existing relationships, people will want to communicate with you. That works for me because I put in the slightly extra effort for that.

Minor49er 4y ago

Hacker News isn't a social media site. It's a user-submitted news site that has a comment section, not a place to build connections with other users. Any networking that happens on this site have to take place using means beyond the site. Also, why would you delete your Facebook account without having another way to contact the people on there that you do care about interacting with? You should at least have email addresses, phone numbers, real addresses, or whatever else in a personal contact list.

rootusrootus 4y ago
> Also, why would you delete your Facebook account without having another way [...] As I said, it was dumb. I did not fully consider the implications, which is why I caution others here to not make the same mistake.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]

rootsudo 4y ago

I've come to the same conclusion, especially with HN being a timesuck. Not a bad timesuck, but it very much does contribute to a dopamine feedback addiction loop for me. I'm glad it's here, than, Facebook, but yes. There's also a part of society that does require Facebook and other Meta properties, unfortunately. While I deleted all friends and purged my facebook of real material - I use it for marketplace listings and groups which give it considerable value and insight. I would argue that breaking the loops and addiction is a solid first step, disable notifications and delete the native apps - and apply/increase friction to use the platform e.g. for facebook access it only via the mobile interface.

Markoff 4y ago

> reconnecting is a hassle when you nuke your entire friend list Why? Deleting your account doesn't mean deleting your friend list backup. I've deleted my FB account many (6?) years ago, I am not missing it at all, but I still have screenshots of my friend list, if I felt urge to connect with these people it would be matter of few minutes to send them requests (it's not very extensive list, maybe 50 people). Same reason why I didn't DELETE my LinkedIn account, but it's FROZEN with montly reminder from Linkedin. I'm always surprised how impulsive and lacking self control are some of the HN users, I'd expect better from tech community.