4 ms·

It's not just the apps doing it. I've seen people pressuring others to respond immediately to everything and I've seen that expectation causing very clear anxie

It's not just the apps doing it. I've seen people pressuring others to respond immediately to everything and I've seen that expectation causing very clear anxiety. It's way too much pressure on top of every other day to day demand. I can see how apps have been designed to promote that kind of behavior, but how did they end up getting us to demand it from each other? I missed the memo. I've decided that if failing to obsessively check your phone and taking longer than a few minutes to respond to texts, social media posts, and status updates is "rude" and "socially unacceptable" then I'm fine with being outright obnoxious, but I know people who feel that doing that would cost them relationships and status and it looks like they're probably right. I don't remember any massive campaign to convince people that imposing that standard on others is fine, but maybe we need one to let people know that they're allowed to put their phone down for a few hours and set sane boundaries with their friends and employers.

vladvasiliu 4y ago
> I can see how apps have been designed to promote that kind of behavior, but how did they end up getting us to demand it from each other? I missed the memo. I think it's just an extension of how things were. To me, this is the online version of people dropping by your desk with a "real quick question". Heck, even e-mail, which is overtly asynchronous, has some people expecting answers "quickly".
- bdefore 4y ago
  Ah, 'Real quick' and 'Quick question'. If you suffer from saying either of these two phrases, ever, know that I think less of you when you do. It's aggressive, dismissive, and presumptuous. Usually patently false. Please stop. I don't remember anyone saying this a decade ago, because you'd come across as the boss from Office Space.
  - lcnPylGDnU4H9OF 4y ago
    > I don't remember anyone saying this a decade ago, because you'd come across as the boss from Office Space. I mean, if nobody did anything that made them come across as Bill Lumbergh, then I don't see why Bill Lumbergh would have been written as a character.
bdefore 4y ago
I've definitely faded out of connection with folks easier by behaving asynchronously to messages. I'm also not on social networks, so you'll need to Signal/SMS/email me. Sometimes I'll bring up the Deep Work book and that I believe strongly that constant distraction is unhealthy to the mind. To perhaps the majority of Americans, this behavior renders me untrustworthy and forgettable. Our expectations as a culture (US) on voyeurism and response time have shifted dramatically in this regard since the popularization of the iPhone. What's most surprising is so many people are unaware that I haven't changed in this regard. They have.

vladvasiliu 4y ago

> I can see how apps have been designed to promote that kind of behavior, but how did they end up getting us to demand it from each other? I missed the memo. I think it's just an extension of how things were. To me, this is the online version of people dropping by your desk with a "real quick question". Heck, even e-mail, which is overtly asynchronous, has some people expecting answers "quickly".

bdefore 4y ago
Ah, 'Real quick' and 'Quick question'. If you suffer from saying either of these two phrases, ever, know that I think less of you when you do. It's aggressive, dismissive, and presumptuous. Usually patently false. Please stop. I don't remember anyone saying this a decade ago, because you'd come across as the boss from Office Space.
- lcnPylGDnU4H9OF 4y ago
  > I don't remember anyone saying this a decade ago, because you'd come across as the boss from Office Space. I mean, if nobody did anything that made them come across as Bill Lumbergh, then I don't see why Bill Lumbergh would have been written as a character.

bdefore 4y ago

I've definitely faded out of connection with folks easier by behaving asynchronously to messages. I'm also not on social networks, so you'll need to Signal/SMS/email me. Sometimes I'll bring up the Deep Work book and that I believe strongly that constant distraction is unhealthy to the mind. To perhaps the majority of Americans, this behavior renders me untrustworthy and forgettable. Our expectations as a culture (US) on voyeurism and response time have shifted dramatically in this regard since the popularization of the iPhone. What's most surprising is so many people are unaware that I haven't changed in this regard. They have.