4 ms·

Typing status aside, there's nothing worse than a semi-realtime conversation. A true realtime conversation, rapid chat replies, is fine and sometimes needed wh

by fleddr 4y ago

Typing status aside, there's nothing worse than a semi-realtime conversation. A true realtime conversation, rapid chat replies, is fine and sometimes needed when something important is happening. A true async conversation that is slow and may take days, is also fine. A semi-realtime conversation though is the horror. A "realtime" conversation where for some reason the other party takes 2 minutes to type any response, every single message. The 2 minutes is enough of a wait to get enraged but too short to go do something else. My solution: call the person unannounced. Just say: "I figured it'd be quicker to talk directly". This forces them to drop whatever the hell else they were doing and get to the damn point. Intrusive? No. Not if you let me wait a full hour for what should be a 5 minute interaction.

sugarpile 4y ago
Sounds like a great way to get those two minutes to turn into two hours from here on out and all your calls “accidentally missed.”
- fleddr 4y ago
  You don't get it. I didn't start the conversation. You requested my help but can't be bothered to maintain a smooth conversation. If you take two hours to reply to a request you initiated yourself, that's not a problem for me, more like a solution.
jacquesm 4y ago
Some people are not that fast in either thinking or typing or are careful in their responses, or struggle with the language, some people are not comfortable talking on the phone. Some are both... I know at least one such person and I would not miss them for the world.
franga2000 4y ago
I agree that it's frustrating, but your "solution" is extremely self-centered. I might not be getting much out of the conversation or even want to be a part of it in the forst place. In that case, if responding slowly works better for me, you forcing me to give you my attention adds a huge cost to my side of the equation. To use an example: if you're texting me to help you fix your printer while I'm working, I might give you a small bit of my attention out of "generosity" (not the right term but close enough). I'm not getting anything out of this, but I'm not losing much either. But if you want to completely interrupt my flow and force me to give you all or none of my attention, fuck your printer. I have better things to do.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
- wolverine876 4y ago
  You can always say, 'let me call you after work ...'.
- fleddr 4y ago
  The situation is exactly opposite, allow me to clarify. I didn't start the conversation, so I'm the one being "intruded". Yet I reply. And we keep replying to each other in near real-time: Peter: Hey Me: Hey Peter: Sally called, we need to do that thing. Me: What thing? Peter: It's in the document. Me: Which one? Peter: In your mail Me: Found it. Question about document Peter: Partial answer Me: What about rest of answer Peter: Don't know Now imagine that dear Peter takes 2 minutes between every single reply. Demanding my full attention for an enormous stretch of time as he himself (that wants something from me) for whichever reason is slow, distracted. It's Peter being rude here. The equivalent would be calling somebody and then leaving them waiting. You're the one that called. If you want my attention, put in your attention. Fuck your printer too.
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
idiotsecant 4y ago
a 2 minute delay is asynchronous. You should be devoting 2% of your attention to keeping up the thread, and put the rest on other tasks, like everyone else does. What you're describing - turning a casual, asynchronous conversation into a demand for full attention and relying on the open 'channel' of the chat to somewhat force consent is an annoying move and would get you put solidly into the 'respond in a few hours when I'm done with everything else' pile.
- wolverine876 4y ago
  > You should be devoting 2% of your attention to keeping up the thread, and put the rest on other tasks, like everyone else does. As I understand, and IME, that's not how attention works. Switching has a large negative effect on focus for me, and when I'm interacting with others who try to do it, it sure seems like it doesn't work for them. I focus on one thing at a time.
- LocalH 4y ago
  Nice ableist handling of attention, there. “Like everyone else does”. Focus doesn’t work the same for everyone, and assuming it does is ableist
Kiro 4y ago
I wouldn't even pick up the phone. I absolutely hate this "just call them" thing I keep seeing here. No, thank you. Talk to me online or not at all.
chasd00 4y ago
Any call I get on teams that is not scheduled gets hung up, no exceptions. You either msg me or schedule a meeting.

by fleddr 4y ago

sugarpile 4y ago

Sounds like a great way to get those two minutes to turn into two hours from here on out and all your calls “accidentally missed.”

fleddr 4y ago
You don't get it. I didn't start the conversation. You requested my help but can't be bothered to maintain a smooth conversation. If you take two hours to reply to a request you initiated yourself, that's not a problem for me, more like a solution.

jacquesm 4y ago

Some people are not that fast in either thinking or typing or are careful in their responses, or struggle with the language, some people are not comfortable talking on the phone. Some are both... I know at least one such person and I would not miss them for the world.

franga2000 4y ago

I agree that it's frustrating, but your "solution" is extremely self-centered. I might not be getting much out of the conversation or even want to be a part of it in the forst place. In that case, if responding slowly works better for me, you forcing me to give you my attention adds a huge cost to my side of the equation. To use an example: if you're texting me to help you fix your printer while I'm working, I might give you a small bit of my attention out of "generosity" (not the right term but close enough). I'm not getting anything out of this, but I'm not losing much either. But if you want to completely interrupt my flow and force me to give you all or none of my attention, fuck your printer. I have better things to do.

deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
wolverine876 4y ago
You can always say, 'let me call you after work ...'.
fleddr 4y ago
The situation is exactly opposite, allow me to clarify. I didn't start the conversation, so I'm the one being "intruded". Yet I reply. And we keep replying to each other in near real-time: Peter: Hey Me: Hey Peter: Sally called, we need to do that thing. Me: What thing? Peter: It's in the document. Me: Which one? Peter: In your mail Me: Found it. Question about document Peter: Partial answer Me: What about rest of answer Peter: Don't know Now imagine that dear Peter takes 2 minutes between every single reply. Demanding my full attention for an enormous stretch of time as he himself (that wants something from me) for whichever reason is slow, distracted. It's Peter being rude here. The equivalent would be calling somebody and then leaving them waiting. You're the one that called. If you want my attention, put in your attention. Fuck your printer too.

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

idiotsecant 4y ago

a 2 minute delay is asynchronous. You should be devoting 2% of your attention to keeping up the thread, and put the rest on other tasks, like everyone else does. What you're describing - turning a casual, asynchronous conversation into a demand for full attention and relying on the open 'channel' of the chat to somewhat force consent is an annoying move and would get you put solidly into the 'respond in a few hours when I'm done with everything else' pile.

wolverine876 4y ago
> You should be devoting 2% of your attention to keeping up the thread, and put the rest on other tasks, like everyone else does. As I understand, and IME, that's not how attention works. Switching has a large negative effect on focus for me, and when I'm interacting with others who try to do it, it sure seems like it doesn't work for them. I focus on one thing at a time.
LocalH 4y ago
Nice ableist handling of attention, there. “Like everyone else does”. Focus doesn’t work the same for everyone, and assuming it does is ableist

Kiro 4y ago

I wouldn't even pick up the phone. I absolutely hate this "just call them" thing I keep seeing here. No, thank you. Talk to me online or not at all.

chasd00 4y ago

Any call I get on teams that is not scheduled gets hung up, no exceptions. You either msg me or schedule a meeting.