The statement: "You are the oldest thing in the universe you can observe" has a very clear meaning - it literally means I am the oldest thing in the universe -

The statement: "You are the oldest thing in the universe you can observe" has a very clear meaning - it literally means I am the oldest thing in the universe - out of all the things I can observe. This is obviously false - I'm less than 50 years old, and I can observe many much older things around me. Therefore, the statement is false, and no context or explanation can make it true, unless we start assigning completely new meanings to words like "oldest", "thing", "you" or "are". I was merely pointing this out. If the OP meant something else, they should have said something else. Those who try to explain how things work should use, demand and appreciate clear and logical language.