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Have a high-paying job in IT (DevOps, Cloud), same company for 10 years, two kids and a loving wife that are luckily supportive of my situation. February Had m
by moitessier 4y ago
Have a high-paying job in IT (DevOps, Cloud), same company for 10 years, two kids and a loving wife that are luckily supportive of my situation.
February
Had my first depressive phase in January. 2 days where I could not get out of bed and don't remember what happened. The weeks after that were kind of blurry, almost like watching myself from the outside. I could not trust my own judgements and had to refrain from verbal communication due to being snappy and overly agressive. Started a diary, writing down my thoughts and feelings and in hindsight it is really difficult to believe that I wrote those lines. Many things stopped making sense. Material values became disgusting and I feel that the things I do at work do not have any impact. What worried me the most is not enough quality time with the kids. I simply do not have the energy after 8h of meaningless work to inspire and teach them the way I would like. How can I preach values and be a role model if I'm stuck at a job I don't like anymore?
April
Fast forward two months. I took the best decision I had in the last couple years. Took three weeks off from from work, family and the internet. Spent them in a different country with people whom life dealt way worse cards than me. Helps to put things into perspective. Those three weeks alone helped me to put priorites back into place and appreciate the thing I have. Stopped watching the news and don't give a flying f about work anymore. Will quit at the end of the year and hopefully find something more meaningful.
- prash_ant 4y agoYour timing matches with the winter "seasonal affective disorder", where you felt depressive at the peak of winter and became better in spring.
- oblib 4y ago"Stopped watching the news" I did this back in the early `80s when living in Los Angles. Back then I'd get off work, grab some fast food on the way home, and then turn on the TV News and watch it. The station I'd watch was, at the time, a model for today's "FOX News" and is now a FOX station. They had 3, 1/2 hour news programs back to back. The first 1/2 hour was local LA/Californa news, the 2nd was US news, the 3rd was World News. In each of those shows they focused on murders, robberies, car crashes, etc. By the end of the 3rd show I'd be so depressed I felt like shit. Finally, one day, I realized I couldn't consume every awful thing they broadcast because, and more importantly, most all of it didn't effect me personally. So I quit watching the "News", and it didn't take long at all before I was enjoying life again. Nowadays I "monitor" the news as opposed to "consuming" it. I don't watch any News at all on TV. I watch selected videos on YouTube to get the gist of a story and when the opining starts I move on.