5 ms·

Very bad. Struggling dealing with an autism / aspergers diagnosis and trying to understand how to re-enter the workforce after a few years of being under or une

Very bad. Struggling dealing with an autism / aspergers diagnosis and trying to understand how to re-enter the workforce after a few years of being under or unemployed. It's a complete nightmare. I want to work but I struggle with communication and being understood (or understanding) the world around me. I have been waiting on news about a job all week and not a peep. I'm pretty sure they are waiting till EOD Friday to tell me no. The idea of starting the job hunt over again makes me sick and trying to concentrate and focus when I'm stressed like this every single day is destroying me as a person. I got to go fishing yesterday though, that was nice. My life would be perfect if I could find a way to stop failing as a person. Every day I'm afraid I'll lose everything because I can't "make it happen" and turn things around.

tailspin2019 4y ago
> My life would be perfect if I could find a way to stop failing as a person. Every day I'm afraid I'll lose everything because I can't "make it happen" and turn things around. For what it’s worth, you’re definitely not alone in feeling like this. Best of luck with the job hunting. You’ll get there!
- dirtybirdnj 4y ago
  Thank you. The higher up you get the more mountain there is to climb. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OQQFVLZddw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OQQFVLZddw I find this to be helpful to listen to sometimes when things seem bleak
surfpel 4y ago
> I want to work but I struggle with communication and being understood (or understanding) the world around me. I struggled with this a lot because it didn't come naturally to me at all. These particular resources had an outsized impact on my ability to communicate (but they were by no means all of it.) I hope they can help you too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gtU-otxtPA&list=PLaZ37TOxDlBXSS2WgZCqz52zg8J3h6OOd https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gtU-otxtPA&list=PLaZ37TOxDl... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08MWYZPCR https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08MWYZPCR
- dirtybirdnj 4y ago
  This is really cool thank you for sharing.
jnovek 4y ago
I’m currently not working due to disability. I’m applying for SSDI right now which is a bummer process. It’s hard: I’ve been essentially out of work for a few years as well and I feel like my life has fallen out of sync with the rest of reality. You’re not failing as a person. The world we live in isn’t made for us. We have to adapt just to meet the baseline that everyone else shows up with every day and it takes a lot of effort.
SoftTalker 4y ago
I don't know about the support network for your condition but surely there are some? I'm making an assumption, but you write as if you are trying to manage things all by yourself, which is commendable but perhaps making things more difficult than they need to be. Are you working with any kind of local autism support group? I would hope there are some resources to help people such as yourself navigate the difficulties with finding employment. And there are some employers who specifically want to hire in this area. Maybe you just need help with connecting to the right opportunities?
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
- dirtybirdnj 4y ago
  You are correct in that I take on too much myself. Difficulties in communication leads to situations where what I ask for is disregarded or people take offense at the idea I'd need or date to ask for accommodations. "Just do it yourself, why do you need help?" "Stop asking questions just do it" These are knee-jerk reaction of neurotypical society and not something I can ever really change (the world is as it is). This pattern of being ignored when I ask for help has led to a negative feedback loop where I avoid asking for help and struggle to get or ask for help when I need it most. > I don't know about the support network for your condition but surely there are some? I am on my second therapist and he's really awesome, I would recommend him highly. I have two local mentors who have also been incredible but there is only so much you can lean on other people for. I have an incredible wife who is being super patient while her husband struggles to be a partner instead of a dependent. > Maybe you just need help with connecting to the right opportunities? Yes. See negative feedback loop above, but if I am lucky enough to connect with decent or like minded people I DO have some success. When I describe these things (desire for a more fair work situation) to people I get responses like "oh so you want the perfect job?" No I just want to be treated with dignity and respect like an adult.
  - spiffytech 4y ago
    > I have an incredible wife who is being super patient while her husband struggles to be a partner instead of a dependent. As someone also facing (different) employment challenges stemming from autism, this feeling is very familiar. I was only diagnosed last year, finally bringing clarity to a long struggle. But I dug myself into a deep hole by trying to power through special needs I didn't know I had, and it's a long climb out. My wife has been amazing and supportive and critical to my recovery, but I became debilitated enough that it's hard to feel like a partner. I'm getting there though, little by little. Even if I can't see the progress each day, I can see it clearly quarter by quarter.
farmerstan 4y ago
Failing as a person is if you betray your friends, if you kick someone who is already down, taking advantage of people, etc. THAT is failing as a person. You are not failing as a person. Do not define your self-worth as you having a job or money. You are going through hard times. Everyone goes through hard times. That doesn’t mean you are failing as a person. Take a short break from job hunting and pick it back up again. You tying your self worth to your job may be what’s causing undue stress thsts making it harder on you. It’s a job. It’s not who you are as a person. Understanding that even if you get a shitty job that pays the bills, it doesn’t decrease your value. Get any job you can, just use it as a breather, collect your emotions and thoughts and when you feel better level up to a new job.
- dirtybirdnj 4y ago
  I tried working at a commercial pizza kitchen for about six months. I loved the creative cooking aspect of it. I hated the monotonous, thankless backbreaking work. At the end of the week I lost all my time, and I had hardly enough money to pay the bills let alone disposable income. It was a net negative on my wallet and it was physically destructive to me, I was sore and worn out and that was a huge motivator to finally quit (getting a job offer helped). I just want people to understand that the whole "take a break" thing is an incredible luxury not everybody can do. I don't have a job yet every day is stressful not knowing how I will solve the problems of tomorrow. Even if I do things to try to get my mind off it, those problems still exist when I return and often are worse because I ignored them to focus on myself. > collect your emotions and thoughts and when you feel better level up to a new job. I burned out a few years ago and while I am trying to recover I am starting to wonder if I ever will
  - farmerstan 4y ago
    I didn’t mean an extended break. I meant a break like a long weekend where you try not to think about it. Bra does like that at help clear your mind if possible. The biggest things is stop feeling like a failure. That causes a negative feedback loop that will continue a pattern of bad decisions making. Forgive yourself and Clear your head.
gojomo 4y ago
I'm sorry to hear that. From a faraway stranger, I'd say: • Your written communication, in this comment, and via a quick look at other recent comments, appears excellent. Whatever your other comms/awkwardness concerns, writing can be a channel-for-connection, & for productive-economic interactions, for you even long before other relationships & skills find-their-grounding. • You're right to prioritize finding employment. The rhythm of doing something useful, with other people, at any scale, can have beneficial spillover effects on mood, self-worth, etc – even after accounting for all the day-to-day frustrations of imperfect/difficult teams/coworkers. Concentration on the work can give the other anxieties/injuries "time to heal". • Beware over-focusing on any one opportunity, however. The world is very big. The kinds of work/teams/cultures available vary massively, so there is some work/team that's suitably fit to both your talents & weaknesses & future potential – but it may take time, & even many abortive relationships, to find. Give yourself permission-to-"fail" N times, and N+1 times – as long as any new info & practice is acquired each cycle, it's a success at sampling-more-of-the-possibility space. Try to focus on what the world told you about the world, good and bad, rather than primarily self-ruminations. • Also, we're likely entering a somewhat more-challenging economic time, with more delay/rejection from employers – and you should remember that's nothing to do with you specifically. Don't let outside things not under your control falsely imply any extra negative-self-evaluations. • Get "out of your head" with things like fishing, physical activity, outdoor activity, etc as much as possible. They inherently remind people of the larger world, of essential human capabilities to move and interact, even when any number of other things aren't working. All exertion helps build background capabilities, in the mind & body, even unconsciously – and even just "stewing-in-thought" usually goes better if you're moving, in nature, with varied (not overly-familiar) surroundings. You're obviously at a low point, but the fact that you can see that, talk about that, and consider other things that might remix your situation means it needn't last too long.
- dirtybirdnj 4y ago
  Thank you for this comment. It's been a long process but I hope whatever job I end up at next is something new or different from my previous experiences.
- tailspin2019 4y ago
honestduane 4y ago
I'm looking myself after my last role turned out to be a bait and switch from a very toxic founder who was chasing everybody who reported to them away; Anybody who is unemployed can ping me on twitter using this username (I have open DM's) and based on your resume, I might be able to refer you to roles I have to turn down. If not, at least you wont feel so alone.
- dirtybirdnj 4y ago
  I followed your twitter username and found your website... the availability page is a work of art. I especially resonate with your feelings on front-end / backend and I really like the way you make it sound vs my usual spiel about "I like backend because I hate CSS"

tailspin2019 4y ago

> My life would be perfect if I could find a way to stop failing as a person. Every day I'm afraid I'll lose everything because I can't "make it happen" and turn things around. For what it’s worth, you’re definitely not alone in feeling like this. Best of luck with the job hunting. You’ll get there!

dirtybirdnj 4y ago
Thank you. The higher up you get the more mountain there is to climb. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OQQFVLZddw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OQQFVLZddw I find this to be helpful to listen to sometimes when things seem bleak

surfpel 4y ago

> I want to work but I struggle with communication and being understood (or understanding) the world around me. I struggled with this a lot because it didn't come naturally to me at all. These particular resources had an outsized impact on my ability to communicate (but they were by no means all of it.) I hope they can help you too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gtU-otxtPA&list=PLaZ37TOxDlBXSS2WgZCqz52zg8J3h6OOd https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gtU-otxtPA&list=PLaZ37TOxDl... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08MWYZPCR https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08MWYZPCR

dirtybirdnj 4y ago
This is really cool thank you for sharing.

jnovek 4y ago

I’m currently not working due to disability. I’m applying for SSDI right now which is a bummer process. It’s hard: I’ve been essentially out of work for a few years as well and I feel like my life has fallen out of sync with the rest of reality. You’re not failing as a person. The world we live in isn’t made for us. We have to adapt just to meet the baseline that everyone else shows up with every day and it takes a lot of effort.

SoftTalker 4y ago

I don't know about the support network for your condition but surely there are some? I'm making an assumption, but you write as if you are trying to manage things all by yourself, which is commendable but perhaps making things more difficult than they need to be. Are you working with any kind of local autism support group? I would hope there are some resources to help people such as yourself navigate the difficulties with finding employment. And there are some employers who specifically want to hire in this area. Maybe you just need help with connecting to the right opportunities?

deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
dirtybirdnj 4y ago
You are correct in that I take on too much myself. Difficulties in communication leads to situations where what I ask for is disregarded or people take offense at the idea I'd need or date to ask for accommodations. "Just do it yourself, why do you need help?" "Stop asking questions just do it" These are knee-jerk reaction of neurotypical society and not something I can ever really change (the world is as it is). This pattern of being ignored when I ask for help has led to a negative feedback loop where I avoid asking for help and struggle to get or ask for help when I need it most. > I don't know about the support network for your condition but surely there are some? I am on my second therapist and he's really awesome, I would recommend him highly. I have two local mentors who have also been incredible but there is only so much you can lean on other people for. I have an incredible wife who is being super patient while her husband struggles to be a partner instead of a dependent. > Maybe you just need help with connecting to the right opportunities? Yes. See negative feedback loop above, but if I am lucky enough to connect with decent or like minded people I DO have some success. When I describe these things (desire for a more fair work situation) to people I get responses like "oh so you want the perfect job?" No I just want to be treated with dignity and respect like an adult.
- spiffytech 4y ago
  > I have an incredible wife who is being super patient while her husband struggles to be a partner instead of a dependent. As someone also facing (different) employment challenges stemming from autism, this feeling is very familiar. I was only diagnosed last year, finally bringing clarity to a long struggle. But I dug myself into a deep hole by trying to power through special needs I didn't know I had, and it's a long climb out. My wife has been amazing and supportive and critical to my recovery, but I became debilitated enough that it's hard to feel like a partner. I'm getting there though, little by little. Even if I can't see the progress each day, I can see it clearly quarter by quarter.

farmerstan 4y ago

Failing as a person is if you betray your friends, if you kick someone who is already down, taking advantage of people, etc. THAT is failing as a person. You are not failing as a person. Do not define your self-worth as you having a job or money. You are going through hard times. Everyone goes through hard times. That doesn’t mean you are failing as a person. Take a short break from job hunting and pick it back up again. You tying your self worth to your job may be what’s causing undue stress thsts making it harder on you. It’s a job. It’s not who you are as a person. Understanding that even if you get a shitty job that pays the bills, it doesn’t decrease your value. Get any job you can, just use it as a breather, collect your emotions and thoughts and when you feel better level up to a new job.

dirtybirdnj 4y ago
I tried working at a commercial pizza kitchen for about six months. I loved the creative cooking aspect of it. I hated the monotonous, thankless backbreaking work. At the end of the week I lost all my time, and I had hardly enough money to pay the bills let alone disposable income. It was a net negative on my wallet and it was physically destructive to me, I was sore and worn out and that was a huge motivator to finally quit (getting a job offer helped). I just want people to understand that the whole "take a break" thing is an incredible luxury not everybody can do. I don't have a job yet every day is stressful not knowing how I will solve the problems of tomorrow. Even if I do things to try to get my mind off it, those problems still exist when I return and often are worse because I ignored them to focus on myself. > collect your emotions and thoughts and when you feel better level up to a new job. I burned out a few years ago and while I am trying to recover I am starting to wonder if I ever will
- farmerstan 4y ago
  I didn’t mean an extended break. I meant a break like a long weekend where you try not to think about it. Bra does like that at help clear your mind if possible. The biggest things is stop feeling like a failure. That causes a negative feedback loop that will continue a pattern of bad decisions making. Forgive yourself and Clear your head.

gojomo 4y ago

I'm sorry to hear that. From a faraway stranger, I'd say: • Your written communication, in this comment, and via a quick look at other recent comments, appears excellent. Whatever your other comms/awkwardness concerns, writing can be a channel-for-connection, & for productive-economic interactions, for you even long before other relationships & skills find-their-grounding. • You're right to prioritize finding employment. The rhythm of doing something useful, with other people, at any scale, can have beneficial spillover effects on mood, self-worth, etc – even after accounting for all the day-to-day frustrations of imperfect/difficult teams/coworkers. Concentration on the work can give the other anxieties/injuries "time to heal". • Beware over-focusing on any one opportunity, however. The world is very big. The kinds of work/teams/cultures available vary massively, so there is some work/team that's suitably fit to both your talents & weaknesses & future potential – but it may take time, & even many abortive relationships, to find. Give yourself permission-to-"fail" N times, and N+1 times – as long as any new info & practice is acquired each cycle, it's a success at sampling-more-of-the-possibility space. Try to focus on what the world told you about the world, good and bad, rather than primarily self-ruminations. • Also, we're likely entering a somewhat more-challenging economic time, with more delay/rejection from employers – and you should remember that's nothing to do with you specifically. Don't let outside things not under your control falsely imply any extra negative-self-evaluations. • Get "out of your head" with things like fishing, physical activity, outdoor activity, etc as much as possible. They inherently remind people of the larger world, of essential human capabilities to move and interact, even when any number of other things aren't working. All exertion helps build background capabilities, in the mind & body, even unconsciously – and even just "stewing-in-thought" usually goes better if you're moving, in nature, with varied (not overly-familiar) surroundings. You're obviously at a low point, but the fact that you can see that, talk about that, and consider other things that might remix your situation means it needn't last too long.

dirtybirdnj 4y ago
Thank you for this comment. It's been a long process but I hope whatever job I end up at next is something new or different from my previous experiences.
tailspin2019 4y ago

honestduane 4y ago

I'm looking myself after my last role turned out to be a bait and switch from a very toxic founder who was chasing everybody who reported to them away; Anybody who is unemployed can ping me on twitter using this username (I have open DM's) and based on your resume, I might be able to refer you to roles I have to turn down. If not, at least you wont feel so alone.

dirtybirdnj 4y ago
I followed your twitter username and found your website... the availability page is a work of art. I especially resonate with your feelings on front-end / backend and I really like the way you make it sound vs my usual spiel about "I like backend because I hate CSS"