4 ms·

Tough read. Part of getting older seems like letting go of these bothersome memories and loving someone in spite of it. I hurt for this family that may never re

Tough read. Part of getting older seems like letting go of these bothersome memories and loving someone in spite of it. I hurt for this family that may never reconcile. The mom wants to believe she did right and won't apologize. Wil wants her to admit what really happened, which she may never do. She'll die someday and this may still be unresolved, which is the real tragedy. Being the bigger person isn't always easy, it's like dealing with a drunk parent. Their behavior is atrocious, it creates conflict, it is unacceptable for little kids. Eventually you can learn to love them while not approving of their behavior. I hope this happens in Wil's case.

sjsdaiuasgdia 4y ago
Where's the line between being the bigger person and being an enabler? Implicitly approving of abusive behavior by not challenging it will tend to lead towards that behavior continuing to be accepted in the world, all in the name of decorum. We're decoruming ourselves into the ground. It's time to be the better people - by putting an end to abuse.
BaseballPhysics 4y ago
I'm sorry, but no. "[Learning] to love" your abuser isn't in any way noble or something to aspire to, particularly when the abuser can never admit their abuse. Frankly, I struggle not to be offended by the idea that the victim, here, is in some way a lesser person by not reconciling with their unapologetic abuser. Sometimes an abuser is just a terrible person and the noble and laudable thing is to find the strength to simply cut ties and move on. The fact that it's a biological parent, in this circumstance, changes that not one bit.
jmull 4y ago
I disagree that "letting go and learning to love" is necessarily to be strived for. There are different ways to heal (as best you can). (I let it all go and have no bitterness. My brother didn't and won't as far as I can tell. I don't see any reason my way is better. It's just what worked for me. Some broken things don't have a good fix, and you just move forward in whatever way you can.)
lapcat 4y ago
> Wil wants her to admit what really happened, which she may never do. Does he? I didn't get that impression. "I made the choice to live the rest of my life without her and my dad and my brother in it."
MollyRealized 4y ago
Respectfully, NO. Atrocious parental behavior is not just bothersome memories that somehow should be prioritized second to a goal of reconciliation. Reconciliation should not be considered a default 'best outcome' for this kind of situation. Children who are parentified (cf. "parentification trauma") or who are subjected to narcissistic parents never get to be little kids, and that trauma affects them in hundreds of different ways that leaves them a brutally incomplete individual. In his television interview, Wheaton noted that the only reason he's alive today is that he did not really know how to kill himself as an adolescent.

sjsdaiuasgdia 4y ago

Where's the line between being the bigger person and being an enabler? Implicitly approving of abusive behavior by not challenging it will tend to lead towards that behavior continuing to be accepted in the world, all in the name of decorum. We're decoruming ourselves into the ground. It's time to be the better people - by putting an end to abuse.

BaseballPhysics 4y ago

I'm sorry, but no. "[Learning] to love" your abuser isn't in any way noble or something to aspire to, particularly when the abuser can never admit their abuse. Frankly, I struggle not to be offended by the idea that the victim, here, is in some way a lesser person by not reconciling with their unapologetic abuser. Sometimes an abuser is just a terrible person and the noble and laudable thing is to find the strength to simply cut ties and move on. The fact that it's a biological parent, in this circumstance, changes that not one bit.

jmull 4y ago

I disagree that "letting go and learning to love" is necessarily to be strived for. There are different ways to heal (as best you can). (I let it all go and have no bitterness. My brother didn't and won't as far as I can tell. I don't see any reason my way is better. It's just what worked for me. Some broken things don't have a good fix, and you just move forward in whatever way you can.)

lapcat 4y ago

> Wil wants her to admit what really happened, which she may never do. Does he? I didn't get that impression. "I made the choice to live the rest of my life without her and my dad and my brother in it."

MollyRealized 4y ago

Respectfully, NO. Atrocious parental behavior is not just bothersome memories that somehow should be prioritized second to a goal of reconciliation. Reconciliation should not be considered a default 'best outcome' for this kind of situation. Children who are parentified (cf. "parentification trauma") or who are subjected to narcissistic parents never get to be little kids, and that trauma affects them in hundreds of different ways that leaves them a brutally incomplete individual. In his television interview, Wheaton noted that the only reason he's alive today is that he did not really know how to kill himself as an adolescent.