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My daughter is 12, she has been taking piano lessons for several years now. About a year-and-a-half ago she started saying that she didn’t want to continue. Hat

My daughter is 12, she has been taking piano lessons for several years now. About a year-and-a-half ago she started saying that she didn’t want to continue. Hated her lessons, didn’t like her teacher any more, etc. We of course weren’t happy about this because she was playing very well. We do believe in honouring our kids’ wishes, coupled however with the requirement that they meet their commitments: in this case, that my daughter finish that year of instruction. In the meantime we coached her on pressuring herself less and tried to support her. Over that period, something changed. She started watching YouTube videos of pianists. She heard about the Canadian pianist, Bruce Liu, who won the Chopin piano competition last year, and started saying she wanted to be the first female Canadian to win the same competition. She started practicing all the time, and we got her a new piano, an upright instead of an electronic one. She is still working hard like this. I don’t know why or how this happened, but I am glad it turned out this way. On the flip side, she also used to take ballet, and was very good at it, but didn’t want to continue that either. Once again we insisted she finish the year, and after that she didn’t want to enrol so we let that lapse. Parenting is a tricky balancing act!

redshirtrob 4y ago
> Parenting is a tricky balancing act! Indeed it is. Our rule of thumb is that you have to finish what you start, and generally give it two chances. This worked well for me as a child. I wanted to quit everything after the first go, but there were many activities that I loved after the second go, and a few I was happy to be done with (looking at you trombone). 1. Finishing what you start means honoring the promise you made--be it to the teacher/coach, the team, or someone else. Oftentimes other people are depending on you. 2. Giving the activity a second try accounts for the possibility that the problem wasn't with the activity so much as the environment. To be clear, I only apply these rules for the kids wanting to quit, not the parents. If, as a parent, I observe unacceptable behavior by the coach/teacher, dangerous conditions, etc I will pull the plug. Thankfully that hasn't happened yet.
BizarroLand 4y ago
I like that, I'll be borrowing it myself should I get to have children. If they make a commitment, finish it out to a specific time frame, a year of lessons will go by before you know it! A year of sports, a full season of soccer, make it to the end of the thing you're attempting before you decide to give up on it.

redshirtrob 4y ago

> Parenting is a tricky balancing act! Indeed it is. Our rule of thumb is that you have to finish what you start, and generally give it two chances. This worked well for me as a child. I wanted to quit everything after the first go, but there were many activities that I loved after the second go, and a few I was happy to be done with (looking at you trombone). 1. Finishing what you start means honoring the promise you made--be it to the teacher/coach, the team, or someone else. Oftentimes other people are depending on you. 2. Giving the activity a second try accounts for the possibility that the problem wasn't with the activity so much as the environment. To be clear, I only apply these rules for the kids wanting to quit, not the parents. If, as a parent, I observe unacceptable behavior by the coach/teacher, dangerous conditions, etc I will pull the plug. Thankfully that hasn't happened yet.

BizarroLand 4y ago

I like that, I'll be borrowing it myself should I get to have children. If they make a commitment, finish it out to a specific time frame, a year of lessons will go by before you know it! A year of sports, a full season of soccer, make it to the end of the thing you're attempting before you decide to give up on it.