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> Is it wrong that a child was forced into something that gave them a great life? There's a difference between encouragement and support and forcing. Forcing i

> Is it wrong that a child was forced into something that gave them a great life? There's a difference between encouragement and support and forcing. Forcing is never good or healthy. It's always abuse, no matter the mental gymnastics involved we use self-rationalise traumatic childhoods. It's no different from me forcong you right now to do something. Parents don't own their children. They can buy a doll if they want a doll. Edit: also "great" mean little in this context, as it means different things to different people.

silisili 4y ago
It's a really hard line to draw. When you realize mistakes you made as a kid and young adult, the pain or disadvantages it caused...and you love a little creature so much you never want them to experience that, it's easy to overstep bounds. Not that that's here nor there if the framing of the story is true. But we all know there are three sides to every story.
- spoiler 4y ago
  I understand the impulse of wanting to prevent suffering, and even to some extent to prevent mistakes. However, mistakes are how children learn. You make a mistake, you learn not to do it again. That is also how you learn to cope (which is a critical skill in adulthood) with emotions and consequences. These children then go on to make mistakes in adulthood, and they don't have the necessary emotional framework to healthily cope; this leads to more mistakes, etc. Also, these people never, well, "learned" how to learn from their mistakes either. So they self-blame, self-hate, and repeat the same mistakes. Let children make mistakes, but provide a support net for them to go back. Let them deal with the consequences, but also show compassion, explain why this happened (and it involves other people how it made other people feel), and SHOW them how to do better. If you reprimand children, also make sure you praise them. Parents are there to teach children how to live their own life, not tell them how to live a life the parent wants. Of course, there are some mistakes you will want to prevent, like letting your kid run into ongoing traffic, etc. But we're not talking about life-threatening mistakes. This is obviously harder and more "stressful" than just locking your kids up (and this isn't even just a dysphemism; this happens through repeated emotional abuse), and shouting at them "do this, do that or nobody will love you". That's not parenting, that's just fucking sick.

silisili 4y ago

It's a really hard line to draw. When you realize mistakes you made as a kid and young adult, the pain or disadvantages it caused...and you love a little creature so much you never want them to experience that, it's easy to overstep bounds. Not that that's here nor there if the framing of the story is true. But we all know there are three sides to every story.

spoiler 4y ago
I understand the impulse of wanting to prevent suffering, and even to some extent to prevent mistakes. However, mistakes are how children learn. You make a mistake, you learn not to do it again. That is also how you learn to cope (which is a critical skill in adulthood) with emotions and consequences. These children then go on to make mistakes in adulthood, and they don't have the necessary emotional framework to healthily cope; this leads to more mistakes, etc. Also, these people never, well, "learned" how to learn from their mistakes either. So they self-blame, self-hate, and repeat the same mistakes. Let children make mistakes, but provide a support net for them to go back. Let them deal with the consequences, but also show compassion, explain why this happened (and it involves other people how it made other people feel), and SHOW them how to do better. If you reprimand children, also make sure you praise them. Parents are there to teach children how to live their own life, not tell them how to live a life the parent wants. Of course, there are some mistakes you will want to prevent, like letting your kid run into ongoing traffic, etc. But we're not talking about life-threatening mistakes. This is obviously harder and more "stressful" than just locking your kids up (and this isn't even just a dysphemism; this happens through repeated emotional abuse), and shouting at them "do this, do that or nobody will love you". That's not parenting, that's just fucking sick.