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> I've felt for a while that you truly become an adult when you forgive your parents for fucking up your childhood. This is absolutely, voraciously bad advice
by XorNot 4y ago
> I've felt for a while that you truly become an adult when you forgive your parents for fucking up your childhood.
This is absolutely, voraciously bad advice and no one should listen to it.
You are absolutely an adult when you're an adult. You can cut those people right out of your life and that is an adult and valid thing to do. You are under no obligations to forgive or have a relationship with them. If they only bring bad feelings into your life then don't let them in.
- golemotron 4y agoYou forgive them not for them, but for yourself.
- Osmose 4y agoIf that helps you, sure, go for it, but for many people forgiving their abusers gives no closure and only enables them further. Sometimes people hurt you and they don't get to receive forgiveness, ever.
- golemotron 4y agoIt seems like you have "forgiving" and "continuing to be in contact with" mixed together. Doing one does not imply doing the other. You don't even have to tell them.
- dale_glass 4y agoThat leads to an interesting philosophical discussion: what does "forgiving" actually technically involve? It's a fuzzy word. The way I interpret the word (and I suspect others also do) is "crossing the offense off the metaphorical list of outstanding committed wrongs". If I forgive a debt then I'm removing it from my list of stuff that I expect to be repaid. It means you no longer need to worry about me holding it over your head whenever we bump into each other on the street. And with a bad enough misdeed I think that's an unreasonable expectation.