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"Having a child is a lot like running a marathon. An incredible challenge, but a worthwhile and transformative experience." Yes, except it never ends. My elde

"Having a child is a lot like running a marathon. An incredible challenge, but a worthwhile and transformative experience." Yes, except it never ends. My elderly father's last conversations were filled with concerns about my siblings. The more limited his mobility, the more exhausted he seemed, the more he worried about how they would get along. I tell people that there are switches in the brain - that when you first hold your child (or any child should you hold it long enough), those switches turn on. You have no control of the switches; they are genetically-controlled hardware passed down from your parents. They have lain dormant for the several decades of your life, awaiting this moment. Once they turn on, they will not turn off. The "switches" change your behavior radically: you will now react to the child's cry to sooth it, you will protect the child at all costs, you will grieve if it is harmed, etc. Here's an example. One friend, an animal lover, upon entering her home with her first newborn instinctively commanded "Get the animals outside, all of them, outside, NOW!!" and to the bewilderment of all present, four previously beloved and sheltered pets were cast out into the frozen dark backyard (we did improvise shelter). To this day she remains amazed at what she did. The pets were allowed indoors 18 months later. When I was young I didn't understand this. I was taught that we were tabulae rasae. Once I started to understand evolution, I saw that it only makes sense from an evolutionary perspective: what could be more important to a gene than producing another copy of related genes? What better way to do this than to program the organism to protect its young at all costs? But there's another level of understanding: standing there, holding a child as the switches turn on. The experience itself.

run4yourlives 15y ago
One of the beauties of the human experience is that we can overcome our genetic "switches" to derive a more positive experience. You're not a slave to your instincts unless you want to be.
- giardini 15y ago
  "One of the beauties of the human experience is that we can overcome our genetic "switches" to derive a more positive experience. You're not a slave to your instincts unless you want to be." That's old tabula rasa thinking - it's false. Tell that to someone who has fallen in love (another example of this type of genetically-programmed behavior) or who has bonded normally with their child. They'll laugh you out of the room. They would, in a heartbeat, throw you and themselves under a bus to save their loved one(s). They are slaves to their instincts. Until the "switches" turn on, few (in modern society at least) realize/believe the switches are there! It isn't easy to counteract something internal that you have no belief in and have not experienced before. And it may be best (for the other, certainly) not to try. Some say, for example, that romantic love isn't real. But romantic love is automatic and non-participatory: that is, your conscious self doesn't do the decision-making. And when you fall in love, every conscious system in your brain will be suborned to justify your automatic genetically-programmed behavior. So much for "free will!" There are many instances where a parent does not bond with a child - they will not be protective or nurturing. In extreme instances they may kill the child. But none of this is normal or common.
  - rsaarelm 15y ago
    Tabula rasa says there are no real switches. Grandparent is saying that there are, but we don't have to obey them unthinkingly. Not all switches in the human brain are for stuff that's as nice as caring for children or falling in love, so you might still want to think twice before unquestioningly endorsing their superior wisdom over conscious thought.
    - giardini 15y ago
      - "Grandparent is saying that there are, but we don't have to obey them unthinkingly." How does he know that we can override genetic behaviors? Sure, we can try, but that doesn't mean that we can override them. - "you might still want to think twice before unquestioningly endorsing their superior wisdom over conscious thought." Don't put words in my mouth. I said: "it may be best (for the other, certainly) not to try."
      - rsaarelm 15y ago
        How does he know that we can override genetic behaviors? Sure, we can try, but that doesn't mean that we can override them. Given that you could view large parts of human culture as semi-successful overrides of instinctual behaviors, I'm not entirely sure what kind of thing your thinking of that might not be possible even in principle. Not feeling the instinctual impulses to begin with as opposed to not acting upon them?

run4yourlives 15y ago

One of the beauties of the human experience is that we can overcome our genetic "switches" to derive a more positive experience. You're not a slave to your instincts unless you want to be.

giardini 15y ago
"One of the beauties of the human experience is that we can overcome our genetic "switches" to derive a more positive experience. You're not a slave to your instincts unless you want to be." That's old tabula rasa thinking - it's false. Tell that to someone who has fallen in love (another example of this type of genetically-programmed behavior) or who has bonded normally with their child. They'll laugh you out of the room. They would, in a heartbeat, throw you and themselves under a bus to save their loved one(s). They are slaves to their instincts. Until the "switches" turn on, few (in modern society at least) realize/believe the switches are there! It isn't easy to counteract something internal that you have no belief in and have not experienced before. And it may be best (for the other, certainly) not to try. Some say, for example, that romantic love isn't real. But romantic love is automatic and non-participatory: that is, your conscious self doesn't do the decision-making. And when you fall in love, every conscious system in your brain will be suborned to justify your automatic genetically-programmed behavior. So much for "free will!" There are many instances where a parent does not bond with a child - they will not be protective or nurturing. In extreme instances they may kill the child. But none of this is normal or common.
- rsaarelm 15y ago
  Tabula rasa says there are no real switches. Grandparent is saying that there are, but we don't have to obey them unthinkingly. Not all switches in the human brain are for stuff that's as nice as caring for children or falling in love, so you might still want to think twice before unquestioningly endorsing their superior wisdom over conscious thought.
  - giardini 15y ago
    - "Grandparent is saying that there are, but we don't have to obey them unthinkingly." How does he know that we can override genetic behaviors? Sure, we can try, but that doesn't mean that we can override them. - "you might still want to think twice before unquestioningly endorsing their superior wisdom over conscious thought." Don't put words in my mouth. I said: "it may be best (for the other, certainly) not to try."
    - rsaarelm 15y ago
      How does he know that we can override genetic behaviors? Sure, we can try, but that doesn't mean that we can override them. Given that you could view large parts of human culture as semi-successful overrides of instinctual behaviors, I'm not entirely sure what kind of thing your thinking of that might not be possible even in principle. Not feeling the instinctual impulses to begin with as opposed to not acting upon them?