4 ms·

Seriously could not finish the opening story. I understand a small tinge of disdain for the effort required, but surely deep down a sense of gratitude and nosta

Seriously could not finish the opening story. I understand a small tinge of disdain for the effort required, but surely deep down a sense of gratitude and nostalgia should be mixed in no? Do people really not have no love for their parents they inherited the belongings of? The fact of the inheritance occuring is a hint that we're already filtering for kids who did not have an amiable relationship with their parents, so assuming that, i cannot understand how resentment can "slice through" your feelings of loss. Perhaps it can be mixed in, sure, but if it fills your heart so much as displace your sense of loss, I cannot imagine a more selfish and ungrateful attitude towards one's loving parents.

smeej 4y ago
Why can't you love someone, but not appreciate a new project they've given you that creates hundreds of hours of unpleasant work? Sure, you might bear it willingly out of that love, but you don't have to like a new tedious, dirty, frustrating project just because you love(d) the person who left it to you. To take it a step further, the junk is usually a result of your loved one's insecurities and fears. It's largely a reminder of a burden you wish they hadn't even had to carry. Now that you have to carry the results of it, it makes sense just to want to be rid of it all.
- corobo 4y ago
  Indeed! I've got my own projects to be dealing with! Honestly the way I see it my mum knows me well enough. If I'm instructed to do anything like a tidyup it will be done quickly, efficiently, and without emotion. Take a picture of your nostalgia items and bin them, the emotion is in the memory anyway. You'll look at it just as infrequently but at least it's only taking up bytes now. Extract the useful-to-you stuff and get someone to cart everything else away with a "you get everything for £500 if you take it ALL away" deal. If she doesn't want this I imagine my sister will be in charge, haha.
- saturnaga 4y ago
  I imagine a person's view on this is highly correlated with the level of hoarder their parents are. For me, it will only be a sad single day project as part of the grieving process. Hundreds of hours is just a totally different story.
beowulfey 4y ago
I think you’re reading too much into the language of that one sentence. But also, if you’ve never felt true loss before, anger and resentment are absolutely a part of the grieving process. It’s very natural to feel anger when coping with the loss of a loved one.
treis 4y ago
You can love a parent without loving their gigantic pile of useless junk
- HollowEyes 4y ago
  Exactly. My partner has inherited a big project and collection that meant everything to their Dad. He would always say, I want this taken on etc. But when push comes to shove, the prospect/reality of inheriting someone else's hobby/business, which requires years and years of work with no return just feels more and more bizarre and absurd. But you feel indebted and horrible not carrying through with wishes. Never mind a pile of junk. You can just inherit a big pile of problems.
hammyhavoc 4y ago
It depends what kind of relationship you had with the parent(s). I'll give you an example: I've not seen my mother in half a decade, I've barely seen her in twelve years. Perhaps that's for the best, after all, she did just leave my father and I over twenty years ago to pursue a man twenty years younger than her from the other side of the world that she met in a psychic chatroom. When I have spoken to her, as recently as last Christmas, we only argue. I've tried extremely hard.

smeej 4y ago

Why can't you love someone, but not appreciate a new project they've given you that creates hundreds of hours of unpleasant work? Sure, you might bear it willingly out of that love, but you don't have to like a new tedious, dirty, frustrating project just because you love(d) the person who left it to you. To take it a step further, the junk is usually a result of your loved one's insecurities and fears. It's largely a reminder of a burden you wish they hadn't even had to carry. Now that you have to carry the results of it, it makes sense just to want to be rid of it all.

corobo 4y ago
Indeed! I've got my own projects to be dealing with! Honestly the way I see it my mum knows me well enough. If I'm instructed to do anything like a tidyup it will be done quickly, efficiently, and without emotion. Take a picture of your nostalgia items and bin them, the emotion is in the memory anyway. You'll look at it just as infrequently but at least it's only taking up bytes now. Extract the useful-to-you stuff and get someone to cart everything else away with a "you get everything for £500 if you take it ALL away" deal. If she doesn't want this I imagine my sister will be in charge, haha.
saturnaga 4y ago
I imagine a person's view on this is highly correlated with the level of hoarder their parents are. For me, it will only be a sad single day project as part of the grieving process. Hundreds of hours is just a totally different story.

beowulfey 4y ago

I think you’re reading too much into the language of that one sentence. But also, if you’ve never felt true loss before, anger and resentment are absolutely a part of the grieving process. It’s very natural to feel anger when coping with the loss of a loved one.

treis 4y ago

You can love a parent without loving their gigantic pile of useless junk

HollowEyes 4y ago
Exactly. My partner has inherited a big project and collection that meant everything to their Dad. He would always say, I want this taken on etc. But when push comes to shove, the prospect/reality of inheriting someone else's hobby/business, which requires years and years of work with no return just feels more and more bizarre and absurd. But you feel indebted and horrible not carrying through with wishes. Never mind a pile of junk. You can just inherit a big pile of problems.

hammyhavoc 4y ago

It depends what kind of relationship you had with the parent(s). I'll give you an example: I've not seen my mother in half a decade, I've barely seen her in twelve years. Perhaps that's for the best, after all, she did just leave my father and I over twenty years ago to pursue a man twenty years younger than her from the other side of the world that she met in a psychic chatroom. When I have spoken to her, as recently as last Christmas, we only argue. I've tried extremely hard.