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This resonates a bit with me. I'm at an earlier point in life (25 now), so I realize giving advice may be naïve, but I feel inclined to share my experience so f

This resonates a bit with me. I'm at an earlier point in life (25 now), so I realize giving advice may be naïve, but I feel inclined to share my experience so far still. I share the part of your story about liking computers and getting a wonderful career out of it - I currently work remotely in a low cost of living country making six USD figures, so I'm quite well into the 1% income bracket locally. Up until maybe a year or so ago, I'd been in 3 relationships, all multi-year, including a long distance one during university. It always felt that I had been missing out on the "single guy" part of life, and looking back now, my relationships weren't all that fulfilling; mostly they were probably a way to not be alone, although I still felt alone, and was ok with that. This past ~year I've been out casually with many women (maybe something like 15?) and... It's fun, but obviously it's not fulfilling other than for ego reasons. I think the main positive thing in it is that I know it's "just ok" and don't have to wonder about it; if I had committed early on this would likely be something that would always be on my mind. What if I was letting my best life go by? Well, I haven't found ultimate happiness, but I have found comfort in the fact that I looked for it at least, and won't regret not having done so. For me, casual relationships aren't really fulfilling, and committed ones aren't either. I've learned to be alone and even a bit alien from early on, and don't resent it.

taylorius 4y ago
Not at all naive, anyone might have a piece of the puzzle, no matter what their age is. It sounds to me like you've done a better job than I did, exploring relationships with women, and figuring out what works for you, so hats off! Tbh I wish I had've had access to the sort of information that's available online now, even just as a window into the breadth of people's views - they can redefine what is a "viable" viewpoint or lifestyle, and help a person find their way to a life that makes them happy.
taylorius 4y ago
BTW, I 100% sympathise with being alone and alien. Alien is an apt description, actually. I came to love the delicious distance, and feeling of otherness. It was a slightly depressive feeling, but very comforting. Not many people can appreciate that, I've found.
- starkd 4y ago
  It also helps to know you don't have to be "joined at the hip" to your partner all the time.
xtiansimon 4y ago
Im 51 and still single. I’d only offer that the biological clock is real concern for women, and largely drives many realities and possibilities of their decision making process. If you’re dating and unsatisfied, maybe consider a journey of deep thoughts about having a family. Seek mentors or therapy if that’s what works for you. Then _maybe_ you and the women you are dating will grow closer with shared experience and renewed sense of the human condition.
jjfoooo6 4y ago
I'm a bit older (35) and what I've come to view about my earlier relationships is that I didn't invest much in them. Didn't share my feelings, didn't make myself vulnerable. At the time I thought I just wasn't meeting the right person, now I feel there were probably a dozen women I went out with that could have been terrific partners. This is not to criticize embracing being single at 25. It's a good opportunity to figure out who you are and what you like. But the empty "a way to not be alone" relationships also happens in short term relationships and casual dating. You get what you put in. > I haven't found ultimate happiness You will not find this, it does not exist, and it is certainly not obtained by catching some mythical "the one." Unreasonable expectations will doom any relationship.

taylorius 4y ago

Not at all naive, anyone might have a piece of the puzzle, no matter what their age is. It sounds to me like you've done a better job than I did, exploring relationships with women, and figuring out what works for you, so hats off! Tbh I wish I had've had access to the sort of information that's available online now, even just as a window into the breadth of people's views - they can redefine what is a "viable" viewpoint or lifestyle, and help a person find their way to a life that makes them happy.

taylorius 4y ago

BTW, I 100% sympathise with being alone and alien. Alien is an apt description, actually. I came to love the delicious distance, and feeling of otherness. It was a slightly depressive feeling, but very comforting. Not many people can appreciate that, I've found.

starkd 4y ago
It also helps to know you don't have to be "joined at the hip" to your partner all the time.

xtiansimon 4y ago

Im 51 and still single. I’d only offer that the biological clock is real concern for women, and largely drives many realities and possibilities of their decision making process. If you’re dating and unsatisfied, maybe consider a journey of deep thoughts about having a family. Seek mentors or therapy if that’s what works for you. Then _maybe_ you and the women you are dating will grow closer with shared experience and renewed sense of the human condition.

jjfoooo6 4y ago

I'm a bit older (35) and what I've come to view about my earlier relationships is that I didn't invest much in them. Didn't share my feelings, didn't make myself vulnerable. At the time I thought I just wasn't meeting the right person, now I feel there were probably a dozen women I went out with that could have been terrific partners. This is not to criticize embracing being single at 25. It's a good opportunity to figure out who you are and what you like. But the empty "a way to not be alone" relationships also happens in short term relationships and casual dating. You get what you put in. > I haven't found ultimate happiness You will not find this, it does not exist, and it is certainly not obtained by catching some mythical "the one." Unreasonable expectations will doom any relationship.