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> indian subcontinent where multi-generational families mean you're never really alone. It's changing fast, especially in big cities. Families are becoming mor
by devnull3 4y ago
> indian subcontinent where multi-generational families mean you're never really alone.
It's changing fast, especially in big cities. Families are becoming more nuclear. Its still much better than western countries though.
- bowsamic 4y agoIs it better? I know someone from one of those cultures who says he will never move out until his parents die, there is no independence
- notsureaboutpg 4y ago
- Veen 4y agoIt's a tradeoff. Close-knit families limit your freedom, but they also provide stability, companionship, emotional and financial support, etc. On the other hand, you can have total independence from family and community, but then you aren't really a member. Most western people don't think like this any more, but it used to be understood and accepted that belonging to a family or community is rewarding, but it comes with duties and obligations—often life-long. You can't have one without the other.
- hn_version_0023 4y ago> Most western people don't think like this any more, but it used to be understood and accepted that belonging to a family or community is rewarding, but it comes with duties and obligations I think you’ve hit the nail square on the head here: this is perhaps the thing that bothers me most about life in the US.. no sense of community, belonging, etc. I’ve been chronically lonely for pretty much all of my 46 years. I don’t see any communities or families I’d be OK with joining, contributing to, or even leaning on for support. Everyone is so selfish it turns my stomach, doubly so as I know I’m as guilty as anyone for being selfish.
- bowsamic 4y agoThe US is worse for it than a lot of other western countries tho. Unless you’re religious, that is
- hn_version_0023 4y agoI’m a lifelong atheist, but I am starting to look at religion simply for the community and fellowship. But honestly I don’t want to be religious. It seems like it entirely suspends one’s ability to think critically, and I have so little of that particular talent that letting go of what I do what feels like a disaster in the making. It feels exceptionally hard to go into it with an open mind.
- bowsamic 4y agoYeah really that's what religion is in this context: you find connection in the fact that you both suspended that part of your critical thinking. I say this as a religious person too, although one that hasn't found much particular community, since I am in a religion that doesn't have such things very strongly
- buildsjets 4y agoHave you considered Unitarianism for community/fellowship/moral framework? They are we accepting of both atheists and people of varying faiths. (Note, not a Unitarian, but my wife grew up in the community)
- hn_version_0023 4y agoI’ve not, not seriously anyway. I do have a few acquaintances that are Unitarian though, I should ping them on that topic. Thanks, I appreciate the suggestion!
- rajin444 4y agoStart thinking about religion as an organic solution to the human need for community. Whatever made up stories they teach don’t matter outside of how it builds and protects the community. This will result in some individuals not being permitted (unfairly at times - a bad apple can spoil the bunch). There is no perfect answer to the human condition. Or you can try to make your own religion (or political ideology if you want to use the modern term). There’s a few trying to form in the west right now, but they don’t have much of an emphasis on creating healthy communities as they do dominating the culture. I don’t think they’re helpful if you’re lonely.