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I was expecting some wisdom, at least some insight or sympathy from the article, supposed to be written by 80 year old. All I now feel is pity for her; early i

I was expecting some wisdom, at least some insight or sympathy from the article, supposed to be written by 80 year old. All I now feel is pity for her; early in her essay she snobs on "people feeling lonely around loving families" - comparing them to orphans that know true loneliness (and by the tone, she too). Then just a paragraph or two later she reveals she had a family; husband, kids and grandchildren. A couple of paragraphs later she also reveals she have "friends closeby she can visit weekly". I feel pity because she seems to be so self absorbed (diva) in her loneliness; her suffering is special, gives her insight, don't you dare to understand it. her description of her behavior eery reminds me of my friend who self claim "the most introvert person" and love for solitude while it's clear that she longs for human contact behind the mask of "comfortable with solitude"; if you dare question her introvert identity you can except fierce resistance, almost like if you attacked some radicals political/religious belief. And after painfully getting to the end of it, she rabble about statistic she obviously haven't read carefully enough (her take on the increase in suicide in Japan due Covid is embarrassingly off and irrelevant to the point she was trying to make) And to no ones surprise, the solution is again "authority should do *something*". Frankly, from the picture she have painted of the lonely man that pride himself of his solitude (and suffering), her vague call for the authority to do something seems shallow and hollow

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throwawaylonely 4y ago
Yea, I get upset at my mom who whines about being lonely. She was married for 25 and then 35 years. So from my POV she got 60yrs of companionship. Mean while I've had 4. So when I can get another 56yr of companionship then I'll start not being upset at her whining. Obviously I feel sympathy for her, I'm not as rotten as my previous paragraph sounded. But I can't help but think "Now you know what it's been like for me nearly my entire life"
tasty_freeze 4y ago
It isn't a how-to article or a flowchart of how to age, it is a rumination on her life and the role solitude and isolate have had in shaping her. While turning over what she thinks about her life, she delves into contradictory positions where both seem true to her; this isn't a flaw, all of us have such notions. I'm not sure how old you are, but as someone approaching retirement age, my thoughts are increasingly turning to such matters. I'm in good health currently but having watched the generation before me age and pass away, I know the spectrum of possibilities that awaits. I have no fear of being dead, but a realistic fear of what old age will be like: living in pain, loss of energy and desire, bad eyesight and hearing, mental diminishment to the point of confusion, repeated bouts of grief from the deaths of family and friends, and the knowledge that the process is a ratchet that can't be turned back or stopped (at least not yet). Anyway, I hope I have the mental clarity to write something so thoughtful when I'm 80.
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- xbar 4y ago
  I strongly agree. As someone who is aging, and who lost an adult child during covid, I can say that I face these last decades (I hope) with a wary eye toward loneliness. Such introspection leads me to want to invest more deeply in the relationships that are strong, and those that I would like to be stronger.

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throwawaylonely 4y ago

Yea, I get upset at my mom who whines about being lonely. She was married for 25 and then 35 years. So from my POV she got 60yrs of companionship. Mean while I've had 4. So when I can get another 56yr of companionship then I'll start not being upset at her whining. Obviously I feel sympathy for her, I'm not as rotten as my previous paragraph sounded. But I can't help but think "Now you know what it's been like for me nearly my entire life"

tasty_freeze 4y ago

It isn't a how-to article or a flowchart of how to age, it is a rumination on her life and the role solitude and isolate have had in shaping her. While turning over what she thinks about her life, she delves into contradictory positions where both seem true to her; this isn't a flaw, all of us have such notions. I'm not sure how old you are, but as someone approaching retirement age, my thoughts are increasingly turning to such matters. I'm in good health currently but having watched the generation before me age and pass away, I know the spectrum of possibilities that awaits. I have no fear of being dead, but a realistic fear of what old age will be like: living in pain, loss of energy and desire, bad eyesight and hearing, mental diminishment to the point of confusion, repeated bouts of grief from the deaths of family and friends, and the knowledge that the process is a ratchet that can't be turned back or stopped (at least not yet). Anyway, I hope I have the mental clarity to write something so thoughtful when I'm 80.

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xbar 4y ago
I strongly agree. As someone who is aging, and who lost an adult child during covid, I can say that I face these last decades (I hope) with a wary eye toward loneliness. Such introspection leads me to want to invest more deeply in the relationships that are strong, and those that I would like to be stronger.