4 ms·

I feel the same. Because whenever I hear these accusations, part of me goes, "oh no, am I a narcissist? Am I one of those horrible people?" But then I take a st

I feel the same. Because whenever I hear these accusations, part of me goes, "oh no, am I a narcissist? Am I one of those horrible people?" But then I take a step back and go, "wait. It feels like someone is trying to control the people around them with guilt." So then I reject the concept entirely and instead ask another set of questions: - Do you hurt people? - Do you insist on dominating people's conversations? - Do you take things from people? - Do you steal credit? - Are you mean? - Do you display physical violence? - Do you throw tantrums? - Do you lie about other people? No? Well, fine, that doesn't mean you're perfect -- we all sin -- but... is it really likely that you have some terrible behavioral pathology? I don't think so. The problem is, this gets mixed with a bunch of other things that, as far as I can tell, are universal: - Do you like to feel appreciated? - Do you enjoy positive attention? (Well, only so much, actually.) - Do you try to keep up appearances? Dress better when you're going out? Worry about embarrassment when public speaking? Isn't all that just normal? I'd think it is! In fact, what happens if you reverse these? A person who gives no shit what other people think -- what motivates them? I just don't understand it. It's like considering a reptile. We're social creatures. At some level -- Do you attack other people? If the answer is no, you're probably ok. And if you're throwing the word "narcissist" at people... doesn't that make you an attacker? Something about it all just makes my skin crawl.

Mordisquitos 4y ago
I think your whole self-reflection, while laudable, could reach the same conclusion much quicker from the very start: > part of me goes, "oh no, am I a narcissist? Am I one of those horrible people?" If you ever worry enough that you might be a narcissist that you are tempted to seriously explore the possibly, you are most definitely not a narcissist. That's not to say you are guaranteed to be free of fault, but being self-critical and feeling concerned about your own behaviour is incompatible with narcissism.
jimkleiber 4y ago
I feel so grateful to read your reflection—and I hope you don't enjoy your own reflection too much or you may become Narcissus himself :-) Jokes aside, I feel very similarly to you and appreciated how you broke it down into more simple actions/sayings.

Mordisquitos 4y ago

I think your whole self-reflection, while laudable, could reach the same conclusion much quicker from the very start: > part of me goes, "oh no, am I a narcissist? Am I one of those horrible people?" If you ever worry enough that you might be a narcissist that you are tempted to seriously explore the possibly, you are most definitely not a narcissist. That's not to say you are guaranteed to be free of fault, but being self-critical and feeling concerned about your own behaviour is incompatible with narcissism.

jimkleiber 4y ago

I feel so grateful to read your reflection—and I hope you don't enjoy your own reflection too much or you may become Narcissus himself :-) Jokes aside, I feel very similarly to you and appreciated how you broke it down into more simple actions/sayings.