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I can learn a lot of programming languages at 40 no problem but learning fucking DnD and/or chess at 40 or how to play an instrument is a fucking nightmare. I

I can learn a lot of programming languages at 40 no problem but learning fucking DnD and/or chess at 40 or how to play an instrument is a fucking nightmare. It's even worse when people say to me: my 15 year old can figure this out. Yes, the embarrassment of being a Novice at anything at 40 is part of the issue, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't. But yeah, I just find myself having trouble learning things fast enough.

tarentel 4y ago
You just have to find enjoyment in it or whatever else you're trying to learn. There will likely always be people better than you, this is especially true of chess. If the only enjoyment you get out of it is being good then chess is probably not the hobby for you. I started in my early 30s and I likely lose to 12 year olds online all the time, I lost to one in real life even though I'm a fairly highly rated player. It's still fun though.
Handytinge 4y ago
> Yes, the embarrassment of being a Novice at anything at 40 is part of the issue, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't. This sounds like a pride/ego issue more than anything. You need to learn pacing. You'll probably take longer than a teenager, but there's no reason you shouldn't be able to learn most skills with practice. I doubt anyone else passionate about whatever you're learning cares about your age. Most people are just excited others also enjoy their hobby or skill.
frontman1988 4y ago
At 40 you are dumber than a 15 year old. Your brain just can't compete on learning new things. Accepting this will help in aging gracefully given soon you will become physically weaker than most 15 year olds as well.
ZanyProgrammer 4y ago
If you're not genuinely interested in chess or DnD, it'll be harder to learn. You don't need to be interested in either, no one will think less of your intelligence or geekiness if you aren't! It's just that there's a certain expectation that certain geeky things are (best, only?) learned when one is 12.
mdavis6890 4y ago
I disagree that it is cognitively more difficult to learn an instrument as an adult - in fact I think adults have a lot of advantages in that regard, at least up to a "proficient" level. Clearly it would be different talking about the highest levels of professional playing, but at even "normal" levels of professional ability I think this holds. But it's about time spent. Kids just have fewer demands on their time, so it's easier for them to practice regularly. They might also have a parent enforcing the practice time. They might also spend more time on important fundamentals (scales, theory), while adults might gravitate toward current applications (a song I want to learn). I believe that if you try to learn an instrument AS THOUGH you were a kid, you would learn at least at the rate a kid would, subject just to whatever natural talent difference there might be. I've been learning piano as an adult, and over several years have managed to stay ahead of all my kids. Not sure how much longer that will hold true, but if nothing else it's a strong motivator for me! Re: DnD - I did try to get my kids into this along with me (I never played before either), and while one of my kids seemed interested, I just felt my adult brain had trouble getting into the imaginary world in the way that a kid might. There's a level of "pretend" that I just can't find anymore.
- Tenoke 4y ago
  There's never really been an adult who started playing chess and reached GM despite some devoting as much or more time than children do. Obviously GM is a high bar, and you can learn plenty as an adult but it does seem to be harder even when you account for hours spent.

tarentel 4y ago

You just have to find enjoyment in it or whatever else you're trying to learn. There will likely always be people better than you, this is especially true of chess. If the only enjoyment you get out of it is being good then chess is probably not the hobby for you. I started in my early 30s and I likely lose to 12 year olds online all the time, I lost to one in real life even though I'm a fairly highly rated player. It's still fun though.

Handytinge 4y ago

> Yes, the embarrassment of being a Novice at anything at 40 is part of the issue, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't. This sounds like a pride/ego issue more than anything. You need to learn pacing. You'll probably take longer than a teenager, but there's no reason you shouldn't be able to learn most skills with practice. I doubt anyone else passionate about whatever you're learning cares about your age. Most people are just excited others also enjoy their hobby or skill.

frontman1988 4y ago

At 40 you are dumber than a 15 year old. Your brain just can't compete on learning new things. Accepting this will help in aging gracefully given soon you will become physically weaker than most 15 year olds as well.

ZanyProgrammer 4y ago

If you're not genuinely interested in chess or DnD, it'll be harder to learn. You don't need to be interested in either, no one will think less of your intelligence or geekiness if you aren't! It's just that there's a certain expectation that certain geeky things are (best, only?) learned when one is 12.

mdavis6890 4y ago

I disagree that it is cognitively more difficult to learn an instrument as an adult - in fact I think adults have a lot of advantages in that regard, at least up to a "proficient" level. Clearly it would be different talking about the highest levels of professional playing, but at even "normal" levels of professional ability I think this holds. But it's about time spent. Kids just have fewer demands on their time, so it's easier for them to practice regularly. They might also have a parent enforcing the practice time. They might also spend more time on important fundamentals (scales, theory), while adults might gravitate toward current applications (a song I want to learn). I believe that if you try to learn an instrument AS THOUGH you were a kid, you would learn at least at the rate a kid would, subject just to whatever natural talent difference there might be. I've been learning piano as an adult, and over several years have managed to stay ahead of all my kids. Not sure how much longer that will hold true, but if nothing else it's a strong motivator for me! Re: DnD - I did try to get my kids into this along with me (I never played before either), and while one of my kids seemed interested, I just felt my adult brain had trouble getting into the imaginary world in the way that a kid might. There's a level of "pretend" that I just can't find anymore.

Tenoke 4y ago
There's never really been an adult who started playing chess and reached GM despite some devoting as much or more time than children do. Obviously GM is a high bar, and you can learn plenty as an adult but it does seem to be harder even when you account for hours spent.