5 ms·

It makes me regret when I recall how much of my life I've lost to programming. I spend most of my mid-teens (15,16,17) writing pointless C programs (interprete

It makes me regret when I recall how much of my life I've lost to programming. I spend most of my mid-teens (15,16,17) writing pointless C programs (interpreters, compilers, etc. for pathetic new languages that probably no one except me will use). While my classmates from high school went out dating girls, watching new movies, etc.; I would be sitting in front of my computer palms on forehead fixing hard to find C pointer bugs. The only person I could have a decent conversation with was my CS teacher. In the end it was only after coming to college I realized how much I had lost. I barely had any communication skills, absolutely zero sexual experience (haven't even walked holding hands with a female - even today) and the reputation of being a geek. And you know what? I realized I wasn't a happy person anymore. I think this kind of a life is seriously screwed. Very soon (been trying) I'm gonna totally quit "being geek" (programming for a hobby, etc.) and try to be normal like everyone else.

maximilian 18y ago
Try to pick up some sports. Its generally a good way to meet people in a casual way. You get in shape as a plus.
deleted 18y ago
[deleted]
utx00 18y ago
there are normal people who program for a hobbie ;) just be moderate.
notdarkyet 18y ago
Quitting is a poor idea. Maybe the work is something you love or maybe you are simply using it to occupy your time and create an excuse to avoid the anxiety of social situations. Either way the key is going to be moderation. My previous roommates in college found it odd that I would spend Monday through Friday alone in my room working or reading, yet on the weekends come out an be completely extroverted. They were almost offended that I didn't want to sit around and watch tv with them during the week. That is somewhat of a sidetrack, but this balancing method allowed my to keep somewhat of an equilibrium with my life. Take the approach starting tomorrow the same way you would if you were learning a new programming language. It would be insanity and a complete suicide mission to dive into the properties of compilers without even understanding the basic "hello world". You need to take smalls steps and develop your social skills in the same way you would your programming ones. And by the way, normalcy is overrated.
- arjungmenon 18y ago
  thanx for the advice
  - greyman 18y ago
    Don't be a fool arjungmenon, you have a good prospects for the future. While your peers waste precious time, you are sharpening your skills and working on something you enjoy. While you are young, it is a great time to learn new things and advance. You will become expert in programming, which you know is an exciting field, and then it will be relatively easy to get good paying job, or can start your own company if you feel like it, and later, when you establish yourself professionally and will find your path, it will be easier to have meaningful longterm relationship. I also spent a lot of my young time in from of a computer or solving math puzzles, and I don't regret it at all. On a more personal note, I had my first gf when I was 24 and married at 32. And I don't feel like missing anything.
    - anc2020 18y ago
      His peers were not "wasting" their precious time, they were having fun and doing something they enjoyed. Moderation is good, and its good to remember not to take yourself too seriously (you appear to have serious plans for arjungmenon, greyman, stop taking yourself so seriously). I doubt your days of hard programming were a waste. They are an experience at least, a side of life you are aware of that your peers might not be. Knee-jerks - bad. Moderation - good. Trying new things - exceptionally good.
jdavid 18y ago
arjungmenon, email me i understand were you are comming from, but my advice would be to not worry about the girls. 1. if you are on this site you want to start a company, and i have yet to have a girlfriend that accepts my non traditional lifestyle of starting companies and taking chances. 2. most of the people you meet in life are distractions, i meet some great friends in college and i found them through all sorts of activities,... most of them were creative computer projects. so enjoy college meet other geeks and you will be just fine. heck join your local engingeering fraternity
- arjungmenon 18y ago
  i dont have ur email.. but mine is arjungmenon at gmail dot com
jkkramer 18y ago
Don't think you have to quit being a geek to be happy or "normal". "Geek" and "normal" are just arbitrary labels. I spent most of my high school and college years same as you. Then I made a slow, concerted effort to balance out (learned to dance, make friends, talk to girls). Today I'm still a geek, but reasonably social and "normal" too -- as much as I care to be, anyway. At any given hour I'm a geek, a socialite, an artist, a dope, and so on. People are dynamic, not static; don't limit yourself. Have fun!
- eru 18y ago
  And there are geek girls, too.
orib 18y ago
You can be happy without being "normal". Normalcy is overrated. Balance, on the other hand, isn't. Go out and start meeting people. A good place to start is some sort of relatively geeky but non-computer oriented event. SCA, perhaps? Pick something on the internet, find a local group, and join. Really, the thing is to frequently ask yourself "Is what I'm doing making me happy now? If not, is it somehow helping me be happier in the long term? If not, why the f--k am I doing it?"
phony_identity 18y ago
You have too rosy a picture of what your high school classmates were doing. They were mostly wasting their time. What you're calling "dating girls" is better described as "chasing girls", and they were mostly unsuccessful. You need, at most, a bit of moderation. Don't try to be normal - normal sucks.
- sgk284 18y ago
  I don't disagree with "normal sucks", but don't underestimate chasing girls. It can sometimes be more fun than the dating part :) I've personally been fortunate in finding a great balance between hacking and living, and am grateful for it.
herdrick 18y ago
You're doing great. Here's your life path: http://www.suck.com/daily/99/02/10/nc_index5.html http://www.suck.com/daily/99/02/10/nc_index5.html (posted here: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=314616 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=314616 )
Jem 18y ago
For what it's worth, as a geek girl, I'd rather be with a guy who knew his way around a computer than one who spent his time chasing girls, getting drunk etc (the "normal" young adult things). You just have to find someone to share your life with who matches your interests... there's no point trying to be someone else, someone you're not.
- LogicHoleFlaw 18y ago
  In college I ended up helping found a Science Fiction/Fantasy/Anime/Gaming club which served both as a geeky outlet and as a social hub. I'm still very close with many of the friends I made there. Look for like-minded individuals! They are out there.
LogicHoleFlaw 18y ago
This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. --William Shakespeare
MHollender 18y ago
"I barely had any communication skills, absolutely zero sexual experience (haven't even walked holding hands with a female - even today) and the reputation of being a geek. And you know what? I realized I wasn't a happy person anymore." It might prove almost impossible to fix. OK I'm talking from about a bit different perspective because for me programming (when I was young) an only occasional hobby and I was rather the "otaku" type of nerd, I spent most of my time with swords & sorcery -style books, games, etc. So it might be different, but: I tried to fix it at around 17. I wanted a girlfriend. I focused on the superficial parts of it: went to a gym, got some muscles, boughts some designer clothes, went to clubs (alone), got piss drunk and tried to pick up girls. And convinced myself this is how normal, extroverted people do. Of course, with one difference: they don't go to places alone. I did - I didn't have friends and when I had something like friends I didn't like it, to go with them to places, it felt it limits my freedom, it was just so convenient to go alone. So what I did was actually I tried to copy the superficial parts of extrovertedness such as the fancy clothes, without the substance of it (actually making and keeping friends, or generally, enjoying the company of others including things like "chatting", "just dropping in to say hello", and so on). I think I must have been unusual - someone who looks like a typical extra-cool disco gigolo (I think in the States it's called "guido"), but a typical shy introverted guy nevertheless who keeps looking at his shoe and likes to be alone. Guess what, it didn't work. I tried it for 7 years, until about 25, had very little success, 3-4 relationships each lasting about 3 weeks. That's not too much, I guess. Now at 30 I became something sort of a philosophy geek, I'm more introverted than ever, because after reading up a lot of philosophy, history, economics etc. I just can't talk with most people at all, simply because they are not interested in anything I would like to talk about, and I am not interested in what they want to talk about (they usually want to talk about other people, which is the least interesting subject to me). If I could start over, if I was again at 17, with a still fairly open and malleable mind, when I was not yet too deep and detached to be unable to talk with people and make friends, I would take care not to become too knowledgeable, not to read too much, don't go too deep into philosophy etc. and instead of all those superficial approaches to extrovertedness (gym, designer clothes, clubs) I'd probably try to become more sociable, try to learn to chat and to like to chat. (But you can't start over, of course. By 30 some parts of the mind just get rigider every year and you just keep doing what you did before. Habits, you know. )

maximilian 18y ago

Try to pick up some sports. Its generally a good way to meet people in a casual way. You get in shape as a plus.

deleted 18y ago

[deleted]

utx00 18y ago

there are normal people who program for a hobbie ;) just be moderate.

notdarkyet 18y ago

Quitting is a poor idea. Maybe the work is something you love or maybe you are simply using it to occupy your time and create an excuse to avoid the anxiety of social situations. Either way the key is going to be moderation. My previous roommates in college found it odd that I would spend Monday through Friday alone in my room working or reading, yet on the weekends come out an be completely extroverted. They were almost offended that I didn't want to sit around and watch tv with them during the week. That is somewhat of a sidetrack, but this balancing method allowed my to keep somewhat of an equilibrium with my life. Take the approach starting tomorrow the same way you would if you were learning a new programming language. It would be insanity and a complete suicide mission to dive into the properties of compilers without even understanding the basic "hello world". You need to take smalls steps and develop your social skills in the same way you would your programming ones. And by the way, normalcy is overrated.

arjungmenon 18y ago
thanx for the advice
- greyman 18y ago
  Don't be a fool arjungmenon, you have a good prospects for the future. While your peers waste precious time, you are sharpening your skills and working on something you enjoy. While you are young, it is a great time to learn new things and advance. You will become expert in programming, which you know is an exciting field, and then it will be relatively easy to get good paying job, or can start your own company if you feel like it, and later, when you establish yourself professionally and will find your path, it will be easier to have meaningful longterm relationship. I also spent a lot of my young time in from of a computer or solving math puzzles, and I don't regret it at all. On a more personal note, I had my first gf when I was 24 and married at 32. And I don't feel like missing anything.
  - anc2020 18y ago
    His peers were not "wasting" their precious time, they were having fun and doing something they enjoyed. Moderation is good, and its good to remember not to take yourself too seriously (you appear to have serious plans for arjungmenon, greyman, stop taking yourself so seriously). I doubt your days of hard programming were a waste. They are an experience at least, a side of life you are aware of that your peers might not be. Knee-jerks - bad. Moderation - good. Trying new things - exceptionally good.

jdavid 18y ago

arjungmenon, email me i understand were you are comming from, but my advice would be to not worry about the girls. 1. if you are on this site you want to start a company, and i have yet to have a girlfriend that accepts my non traditional lifestyle of starting companies and taking chances. 2. most of the people you meet in life are distractions, i meet some great friends in college and i found them through all sorts of activities,... most of them were creative computer projects. so enjoy college meet other geeks and you will be just fine. heck join your local engingeering fraternity

arjungmenon 18y ago
i dont have ur email.. but mine is arjungmenon at gmail dot com

jkkramer 18y ago

Don't think you have to quit being a geek to be happy or "normal". "Geek" and "normal" are just arbitrary labels. I spent most of my high school and college years same as you. Then I made a slow, concerted effort to balance out (learned to dance, make friends, talk to girls). Today I'm still a geek, but reasonably social and "normal" too -- as much as I care to be, anyway. At any given hour I'm a geek, a socialite, an artist, a dope, and so on. People are dynamic, not static; don't limit yourself. Have fun!

eru 18y ago
And there are geek girls, too.

orib 18y ago

You can be happy without being "normal". Normalcy is overrated. Balance, on the other hand, isn't. Go out and start meeting people. A good place to start is some sort of relatively geeky but non-computer oriented event. SCA, perhaps? Pick something on the internet, find a local group, and join. Really, the thing is to frequently ask yourself "Is what I'm doing making me happy now? If not, is it somehow helping me be happier in the long term? If not, why the f--k am I doing it?"

phony_identity 18y ago

You have too rosy a picture of what your high school classmates were doing. They were mostly wasting their time. What you're calling "dating girls" is better described as "chasing girls", and they were mostly unsuccessful. You need, at most, a bit of moderation. Don't try to be normal - normal sucks.

sgk284 18y ago
I don't disagree with "normal sucks", but don't underestimate chasing girls. It can sometimes be more fun than the dating part :) I've personally been fortunate in finding a great balance between hacking and living, and am grateful for it.

herdrick 18y ago

You're doing great. Here's your life path: http://www.suck.com/daily/99/02/10/nc_index5.html http://www.suck.com/daily/99/02/10/nc_index5.html (posted here: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=314616 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=314616 )

Jem 18y ago

For what it's worth, as a geek girl, I'd rather be with a guy who knew his way around a computer than one who spent his time chasing girls, getting drunk etc (the "normal" young adult things). You just have to find someone to share your life with who matches your interests... there's no point trying to be someone else, someone you're not.

LogicHoleFlaw 18y ago
In college I ended up helping found a Science Fiction/Fantasy/Anime/Gaming club which served both as a geeky outlet and as a social hub. I'm still very close with many of the friends I made there. Look for like-minded individuals! They are out there.

LogicHoleFlaw 18y ago

This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. --William Shakespeare

MHollender 18y ago

"I barely had any communication skills, absolutely zero sexual experience (haven't even walked holding hands with a female - even today) and the reputation of being a geek. And you know what? I realized I wasn't a happy person anymore." It might prove almost impossible to fix. OK I'm talking from about a bit different perspective because for me programming (when I was young) an only occasional hobby and I was rather the "otaku" type of nerd, I spent most of my time with swords & sorcery -style books, games, etc. So it might be different, but: I tried to fix it at around 17. I wanted a girlfriend. I focused on the superficial parts of it: went to a gym, got some muscles, boughts some designer clothes, went to clubs (alone), got piss drunk and tried to pick up girls. And convinced myself this is how normal, extroverted people do. Of course, with one difference: they don't go to places alone. I did - I didn't have friends and when I had something like friends I didn't like it, to go with them to places, it felt it limits my freedom, it was just so convenient to go alone. So what I did was actually I tried to copy the superficial parts of extrovertedness such as the fancy clothes, without the substance of it (actually making and keeping friends, or generally, enjoying the company of others including things like "chatting", "just dropping in to say hello", and so on). I think I must have been unusual - someone who looks like a typical extra-cool disco gigolo (I think in the States it's called "guido"), but a typical shy introverted guy nevertheless who keeps looking at his shoe and likes to be alone. Guess what, it didn't work. I tried it for 7 years, until about 25, had very little success, 3-4 relationships each lasting about 3 weeks. That's not too much, I guess. Now at 30 I became something sort of a philosophy geek, I'm more introverted than ever, because after reading up a lot of philosophy, history, economics etc. I just can't talk with most people at all, simply because they are not interested in anything I would like to talk about, and I am not interested in what they want to talk about (they usually want to talk about other people, which is the least interesting subject to me). If I could start over, if I was again at 17, with a still fairly open and malleable mind, when I was not yet too deep and detached to be unable to talk with people and make friends, I would take care not to become too knowledgeable, not to read too much, don't go too deep into philosophy etc. and instead of all those superficial approaches to extrovertedness (gym, designer clothes, clubs) I'd probably try to become more sociable, try to learn to chat and to like to chat. (But you can't start over, of course. By 30 some parts of the mind just get rigider every year and you just keep doing what you did before. Habits, you know. )