I would suggest a therapy. There may be many various reasons why you have the patterns you have and an honest talk with someone from outside of your circle will

I would suggest a therapy. There may be many various reasons why you have the patterns you have and an honest talk with someone from outside of your circle will go a long way. This is what helped me, I have suggested this to a friend of mine who was struggling with a lot of avoidance-related issues, and it helped them too. Talk to a professional to understand which unfulfilled needs you have.