4 ms·

It's not a misunderstanding. I'm also happy for complete strangers. Jeff Bezos is enjoying his Amazon money? Great for him. Also, I can't relate to feelings of

by id 4y ago

It's not a misunderstanding. I'm also happy for complete strangers. Jeff Bezos is enjoying his Amazon money? Great for him. Also, I can't relate to feelings of shame or inadequacy because someone has something good happening to them. If anything, it motivates me to achieve the same.

2pEXgD0fZ5cF 4y ago
I'm not doubting your ability to do that and I'm not saying that negative feelings come inherently with these kind of news. But surely you can see that these reactions can be pretty common for many people especially if they aren't happy with their own situations, and that those people can still feel happy when good things happen to others. What I'm claiming is that a negative reaction (in terms of comparison) in this way and feeling happy for others are independent of each other.
jjulius 4y ago
Everybody sees/processes things differently.
Teever 4y ago
To be clear here, what you're saying is that the feelings that others are describing are totally alien to you? Like you can't understand that humans act this way in these situations? I don't believe you.
- id 4y ago
  I can understand, but I can't relate. I simply never had these feelings of envy, or it was too long ago to remember.
colpabar 4y ago
But you can see how some people may not think this way when they go online and see that seemingly everyone they've ever met is doing things that they can't afford or aren't able to do? If you can't relate, fine I guess, but what's the point of just saying "these problems don't affect me"?
antiframe 4y ago
> Also, I can't relate to feelings of shame or inadequacy because someone has something good happening to them. If anything, it motivates me to achieve the same. Those two aspects feel like they are opposing one another. On the one hand, you claim to never feel inadequate, yet when you see others achieving something you haven't yet achieved you claim it motivates you to achieve the same. How is it that you feel adequately achieved in some area yet another's greater success motivates you to achieve more? Most people I know would label that feeling "inadequacy". They don't yet have something they want and strive to get it. I think the way you label these emotions is unique relative to everyone else I've meet. You're the first person who can't relate to feeling inadequacy yet at the same time feels motivated by things others have achieved.
- cortesoft 4y ago
  > On the one hand, you claim to never feel inadequate, yet when you see others achieving something you haven't yet achieved you claim it motivates you to achieve the same That doesn't mean you are feeling inadequate. Being inspired doesn't mean you feel bad about yourself. For example, whenever I watch really good basketball, it makes me want to go out and play myself. When I see someone playing a fun video game, it makes me want to play. I don't feel inadequate, I just want to participate in the fun and challenge.
  - antiframe 4y ago
    Maybe I'm using the word incorrectly then. There are two ways I can imagine feeling inadequate when seeing, for example, a post of someone on a Hawaiian vacation: 1. I have inadequate resources. I can never afford such fancy lodgings, etc. This is a pretty negative emotion. 2. I feel my vacationing has been inadequate. I should spend more time off with my loved ones. Where can I go in my time and dollar budget to better enjoy life? I would call both feels one of being 'inadequate'. If I felt adequate, I would feel like I don't need any (more) vacations and not inspired to make any changes in my life. At least that was my reading of id's comment that "If anything, it motivates me to achieve the same." Without any feeling of inadequacy, where does the motivation come from? Maybe I process these feelings differently than others, but for me without something to trigger the desire, I won't be motivated, and that trigger is in some sense something inadequate I want to improve about myself or my life.

by id 4y ago

2pEXgD0fZ5cF 4y ago

I'm not doubting your ability to do that and I'm not saying that negative feelings come inherently with these kind of news. But surely you can see that these reactions can be pretty common for many people especially if they aren't happy with their own situations, and that those people can still feel happy when good things happen to others. What I'm claiming is that a negative reaction (in terms of comparison) in this way and feeling happy for others are independent of each other.

jjulius 4y ago

Everybody sees/processes things differently.

Teever 4y ago

To be clear here, what you're saying is that the feelings that others are describing are totally alien to you? Like you can't understand that humans act this way in these situations? I don't believe you.

id 4y ago
I can understand, but I can't relate. I simply never had these feelings of envy, or it was too long ago to remember.

colpabar 4y ago

But you can see how some people may not think this way when they go online and see that seemingly everyone they've ever met is doing things that they can't afford or aren't able to do? If you can't relate, fine I guess, but what's the point of just saying "these problems don't affect me"?

antiframe 4y ago

> Also, I can't relate to feelings of shame or inadequacy because someone has something good happening to them. If anything, it motivates me to achieve the same. Those two aspects feel like they are opposing one another. On the one hand, you claim to never feel inadequate, yet when you see others achieving something you haven't yet achieved you claim it motivates you to achieve the same. How is it that you feel adequately achieved in some area yet another's greater success motivates you to achieve more? Most people I know would label that feeling "inadequacy". They don't yet have something they want and strive to get it. I think the way you label these emotions is unique relative to everyone else I've meet. You're the first person who can't relate to feeling inadequacy yet at the same time feels motivated by things others have achieved.

cortesoft 4y ago
> On the one hand, you claim to never feel inadequate, yet when you see others achieving something you haven't yet achieved you claim it motivates you to achieve the same That doesn't mean you are feeling inadequate. Being inspired doesn't mean you feel bad about yourself. For example, whenever I watch really good basketball, it makes me want to go out and play myself. When I see someone playing a fun video game, it makes me want to play. I don't feel inadequate, I just want to participate in the fun and challenge.
- antiframe 4y ago
  Maybe I'm using the word incorrectly then. There are two ways I can imagine feeling inadequate when seeing, for example, a post of someone on a Hawaiian vacation: 1. I have inadequate resources. I can never afford such fancy lodgings, etc. This is a pretty negative emotion. 2. I feel my vacationing has been inadequate. I should spend more time off with my loved ones. Where can I go in my time and dollar budget to better enjoy life? I would call both feels one of being 'inadequate'. If I felt adequate, I would feel like I don't need any (more) vacations and not inspired to make any changes in my life. At least that was my reading of id's comment that "If anything, it motivates me to achieve the same." Without any feeling of inadequacy, where does the motivation come from? Maybe I process these feelings differently than others, but for me without something to trigger the desire, I won't be motivated, and that trigger is in some sense something inadequate I want to improve about myself or my life.