It's nice to see articles like this. It can be difficult to understand how troubling an issue gaslighting is until you've had to deal with it yourself. Quite o

It's nice to see articles like this. It can be difficult to understand how troubling an issue gaslighting is until you've had to deal with it yourself. Quite often gaslighting is wrapped in subjective relational statements. For example, the phrase, "that's not been my experience at all" is one that appeals to a lot of those doing the gaslighting. It's important to know that if you hear phrases like that, it's 100% OK to reply that you believe an open-minded, considerate approach to the issue is not only possible, but it's also your personal baseline for any further discussion of the topic. One reason why this is important is that gaslighters often feel most comfortable spreading fault around or projecting blame from a subjective platform, like "well, I guess I have my perspective and you have yours, it's only fair," which can easily exacerbate psychological damage on your end. In these cases your health may be on the line, and it strengthens your position to reaffirm for yourself (and possibly others in your same situation) that alternate perspectives, painful though they may be to hear about, can be valid and relevant. If the gaslighter really wants to relate to others in a qualitatively productive way, they will also understand that their level of consideration and openness are relevant factors in a qualitative evaluation of the relationship. It's unfortunately really common for dangerous situations and inequities to be experienced fully by one party but not the other, to that second party's advantage. Gaslighters want to retain their personal comfort or position of higher energy in exchange for your acquiescence in holding in your pain. And in a lot of cases it's all they can think of to do in order to protect themselves from e.g. painful cognitive dissonance. You are essentially part of the gaslighter's self-care routine; they are not in a suitable place to care for and support others. Which is really too bad--among other things gaslighting often reveals a critical lack of creative, open-minded, shared problem-solving.