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In many difficult social situations, including this one, it helps to have a canned sentence ready to deploy. "Gentlemen, it's clear to me that we're not a good
by flappyeagle 4y ago
In many difficult social situations, including this one, it helps to have a canned sentence ready to deploy.
"Gentlemen, it's clear to me that we're not a good fit here. Let's not waste anymore of our time"
Say it 10 times in front of a mirror or something and just push the mental button when you need to.
- spicybright 4y ago+1 on the practice. I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of times I sounded like an ass and didn't communicate my message clearly enough because of the heat of the moment.
- ISL 4y agoYep -- even a single preparatory iteration makes a huge difference for many tasks.
- dane-pgp 4y agoI can't help being reminded of the "Choice" PSA from The Stanley Parable: "If you find yourself speaking with a person who does not make sense, in all likelihood, that person is not real. Allow the person to finish their thought then provide an excuse why you cannot continue talking." https://thestanleyparable.fandom.com/wiki/Dialogue#Choice_Video https://thestanleyparable.fandom.com/wiki/Dialogue#Choice_Vi...
- cm2012 4y agoMight want to practice it as "folks" instead of "gentlemen" so the occasional woman doesn't trip you up.
- dymk 4y agoGentlepeople Gentlefolx
- bendbro 4y agoThe point was to not look like a dweeb!
- pestatije 4y agoYeah, and at the same time avoid the "gentle" part. Being rude disqualifies them as gentle
- deleted 4y ago[deleted]
- KerrAvon 4y agoBut using “gentlemen” (if gender appropriate) in that situation qualifies you as polite and considerate. It’s not about them.
- deleted 4y ago[deleted]
- wccrawford 4y agoI would just leave out the world altogether. There's no need to address them. They know who you are talking to.
- KerrAvon 4y agoIt doesn’t have the same power if you don’t say who you’re addressing. Yes, it’s logically obvious you’re speaking to the people in front of you, but this isn’t computer logic, it’s human interaction.
- SilasX 4y agoExactly. If it didn't fill some communicative function, the vocative case would have fallen out of use a long time ago. For my part, I prefer "amigos" in all but the most formal contexts, except ... that's arguably not gender neutral either.
- ddingus 4y agoOr just say, "everyone" This is all just flow and it depends on the speaker. Having a bit of a lead in can help some people. Gets in the way for others.
- ddingus 4y agoOr just say, "everyone" This is all just flow and it depends on the speaker. Having a bit of a lead in can help some people. Gets in the way for others.
- 4y ago
- narag 4y agoFolks... [Not an English native] Isn't that a little too informal? Bugs Bunny came to mind. Is "ladies and gentlemen" somehow out of fashion?
- throwaway787544 4y agoFor my next magic trick...
- worik 4y agoIn the modern world gender neutral is more than "both genders". Some women get pissed at being called a "lady". It is a minefield, but better than using low English phrases like: "folks", or "guys" (that is a gender neutral slang term in my world) Always use high English when talking business. Formal language every time. Fuck the cunts!
- lostlogin 4y agoThe medical comedy show ‘Getting On’ covers this in the most cringe worthy way, with a senior female doctor addressing a group of juniors (male and female) as ‘gents’.
- worik 4y agoThere is no gender neutral term (is there?) for "gentlemen". "My noble friends"? "Good people"? Does not quite feel the same. Perhaps it is my linguistic habits too ingrained
- MiddleEndian 4y agoPerhaps "Motherfuckers" is the way to go.
- vishnugupta 4y ago+1 Perhaps have a harsher/rude version in case you see someone not respecting your time and are being rude. "Folks, it's clear to me that I don't want to work here. I don't want to waste any more of my time".
- KerrAvon 4y agoThere’s no need to match their rudeness. Take the high road. Your karma is your own.
- mekoka 4y agoOP's approach is punitive enough and really is all you need in most situations. Although sinking to rudeness can be a natural and spontaneous manifestation of anger, it's rarely worthwhile. When facing a rude or angry person you further lose because they managed to pull you into their own personal hell. Such disagreeable situations call for calm and playful assertiveness. You catch the opposite party off guard by politely calling them out and exposing them for being an asshole. You leaving thereafter also strips them of the opportunity to correct their immediate behavior and thus, robs them of a chance to demonstrate that it was, in fact, a misunderstanding. That can be quite frustrating, since most rude people really like to project the veil of being decent human beings and hate the idea of someone thinking less of them.
- deleted 4y ago[deleted]
- maerF0x0 4y ago> It's clear to me that we're not a good fit here. Let's not waste anymore of our time IMO this effectively terminates all possibilities. IMO it might be more effective to say a break in the convo adding something tailored to what you're feeling/observing. "I'm getting the sense that something's off here. " Distracted/Disinterested - "Is there something more pressing you need to attend to?" Rude - "Can you tell me about your company values and how you treat eachother?" Superiority - "Can you tell me a bit about how CompanyX mentors and develops new talent?" etc -- put it out to them assuming the best, but implying you're now interviewing them about their qualities.
- medler 4y agoThis is such a good response. Rather than shutting everything down and walking out, which could itself be perceived as rude/arrogant, you allude to what you’re perceiving and start a conversation about it while assuming good intent on their part.
- hpcjoe 4y agoI used that once a few years ago with a very rude CTO/VP Eng. They had given me a "coffin" problem (e.g. expected to fail) during the interview. I was working on it overnight while sitting with my elderly mother-in-law in the hospital. I spoke with them that next day, with 0 sleep, but still gracious and apologetic that I'd not finished every element of the problem. I didn't tell them why. They didn't like the not finishing part. I got an email later on saying thanks but no thanks. I asked them if they wanted to see the work they asked me to do. That piqued their interest. They then asked if I was still interested. I said, "No, I think we are done here." Assholes are a major red flag. You really need to avoid them. Your life will be much better without them. Look up the companies on glassdoor, search for the people you speak to ahead of time, see if there are any major issues. You'd be surprised at how easy some of these are to find with careful digging. Though you need to be adept at filtering disgruntled people seeking reputational revenge versus specific critiques.
- bsder 4y agoMaybe, but I'd probably finish the interview anyway. It's good practice for learning how to calm down after you've been upset/slighted/abused, and you've already likely allocated the time. I might make a quick crack like: "Wow. Must be important. Anyhow, let's get back to what we were doing." in order to see what the reactions of others are and whether I get an apology. But I might not. Shrug. However, the probability of my taking a job there would be close to zero after that. It's just a huge red warning flag.