3 ms·

Unlock the Door

29 points by luu 5y ago

noduerme 5y ago
Courtyards or common areas used to serve a similar purpose, because it's where everyone dried their laundry or got together to talk. There are some smaller villages in Europe where you can see this today. And it still exists all over Asia and Africa. I don't think you can nudge this kind of social behavior, because it depends on people wanting to hang out with their neighbors. Unfortunately, in postmodern online video-game-centric society, people prefer abstract and remote communities to hanging out with random neighbors who no longer feel as close in the social fabric as their online friends do. By definition, then, you'd be building a space for people of a very specific mindset who all wanted to interact. I for instance would not want to live in that type of building, because as much as I love person-to-person interaction at the bar of my choosing, a group conversation between friendly acquaintances is the last thing I want to walk through every single time I come and go from home. That might actually make me avoid coming back to my apartment, or make me run out real fast and be considered antisocial. When the truth is, I'm extremely sociable; I just don't want to be forced into it by my living situation. That's a good model in countries where people need their neighbors to survive, and live in big family groups. In a postmodern country, it may only attract a very specific age range and type who crave that kind of thing for social sustenance. I'm not saying it's bad, but living in Asia I did find it to be a bit oppressive and it's not something I'd choose.
- mcbishop 4y ago
  I'd like to think that, with emotional maturity, one can choose at times to not engage with others in the common space... without that feeling awkward / anti-social. But otherwise, yeah, the social obligation to always say hi and come up with small talk can be taxing.
  - Brian_K_White 4y ago
    There is no obligation to say hi. People are different and it's fine. If one of the regulars is just always reading or something, no one else cares. The closest thing to a problem is you'd have to be ok with someone else initiating and approaching you once in a while, but probably only once if you don't encourage it.
    - aaron695 4y ago
tunnuz 4y ago
Seinfeld anyone?!
bckr 4y ago
I'm curious how to arrive at a point in life where one has enough friends to make this plausible. I hope Lincoln goes beyond the design and accomplishes living in a place like this, and writes about it. I daydream about intentional community like this.
- teaearlgrey_hot 4y ago
- Brian_K_White 4y ago
  You say hi to your neighbors and decide to be friends with them actively, and without requiring them to be exactly like you and agree with you on all topics. I haven't done this myself in the appartment I've been renting for over 10 years. I used to in other places but for some reason not here. Residential neighborbood in NJ. Only a few weeks ago a retired neighbor across the street, somehow, had the idea that I would be a good person to ask to help get his wifes laptop working with dual external monitors. He was correct of course but how did he get that impression? I helped them and it turns out they are a lovely couple that our two housholds could be great friends with each other. We could have been friends for over 10 years, but I never approched them and untill last month they never approached me. I think in my case I simply don't partake in some of the ways most people get involved in each others lives. I don't have kids so there are all kinds of things around kids that I'm just not there. I'm not religious so I don't go to any kind of church. I don't like sports enough to actually spend any time doing it. Not on any teams or anything. I have a fair number of friends, and when we get together it's great, but they don't live next door and can't hang out. I only see them at occasional events, either a party or some event we're all going to. My partner is involved in community theater which exposes her to a lot of somewhat local people but still not our actual neighborhood. To become friends with your neighbors, you have to just do it. Even though I haven't where I am now, I have in the past. In my case since this is a street with standalone houses and not an appartment building, there are lots of opportunities to see a neighbor working on something on their yard or their car and just walk up and talk about that. I don't know if it would be easier or harder in an appartment building. And of course it doesn't always work. I just remembered way back when I first moved here I noticed one guy up the block has a couple nice antique cars he works on in his garage. I'm into cars and stopped to talk to him one day, and he let me, he wasn't rude but didn't really engage and was pretty much just waiting for me to leave so I left and never bothered him again. And one of my neighbors is a full-on nut job who gets into screaming matches with everyone and the cops are at his house a couple times a year. That one I actively keep away not just through negligence. Maybe the rest of his family knows he's crazy too and I could be friends with them. Probably wherever you are there is also a shall we say "full spectrum" so just don't let that fact of life discourage you from meeting whoever else will play.
aaron695 4y ago

29 points by luu 5y ago

Courtyards or common areas used to serve a similar purpose, because it's where everyone dried their laundry or got together to talk. There are some smaller villages in Europe where you can see this today. And it still exists all over Asia and Africa. I don't think you can nudge this kind of social behavior, because it depends on people wanting to hang out with their neighbors. Unfortunately, in postmodern online video-game-centric society, people prefer abstract and remote communities to hanging out with random neighbors who no longer feel as close in the social fabric as their online friends do. By definition, then, you'd be building a space for people of a very specific mindset who all wanted to interact. I for instance would not want to live in that type of building, because as much as I love person-to-person interaction at the bar of my choosing, a group conversation between friendly acquaintances is the last thing I want to walk through every single time I come and go from home. That might actually make me avoid coming back to my apartment, or make me run out real fast and be considered antisocial. When the truth is, I'm extremely sociable; I just don't want to be forced into it by my living situation. That's a good model in countries where people need their neighbors to survive, and live in big family groups. In a postmodern country, it may only attract a very specific age range and type who crave that kind of thing for social sustenance. I'm not saying it's bad, but living in Asia I did find it to be a bit oppressive and it's not something I'd choose.

mcbishop 4y ago
I'd like to think that, with emotional maturity, one can choose at times to not engage with others in the common space... without that feeling awkward / anti-social. But otherwise, yeah, the social obligation to always say hi and come up with small talk can be taxing.
- Brian_K_White 4y ago
  There is no obligation to say hi. People are different and it's fine. If one of the regulars is just always reading or something, no one else cares. The closest thing to a problem is you'd have to be ok with someone else initiating and approaching you once in a while, but probably only once if you don't encourage it.
  - aaron695 4y ago

tunnuz 4y ago

Seinfeld anyone?!

bckr 4y ago

I'm curious how to arrive at a point in life where one has enough friends to make this plausible. I hope Lincoln goes beyond the design and accomplishes living in a place like this, and writes about it. I daydream about intentional community like this.

teaearlgrey_hot 4y ago
Brian_K_White 4y ago
You say hi to your neighbors and decide to be friends with them actively, and without requiring them to be exactly like you and agree with you on all topics. I haven't done this myself in the appartment I've been renting for over 10 years. I used to in other places but for some reason not here. Residential neighborbood in NJ. Only a few weeks ago a retired neighbor across the street, somehow, had the idea that I would be a good person to ask to help get his wifes laptop working with dual external monitors. He was correct of course but how did he get that impression? I helped them and it turns out they are a lovely couple that our two housholds could be great friends with each other. We could have been friends for over 10 years, but I never approched them and untill last month they never approached me. I think in my case I simply don't partake in some of the ways most people get involved in each others lives. I don't have kids so there are all kinds of things around kids that I'm just not there. I'm not religious so I don't go to any kind of church. I don't like sports enough to actually spend any time doing it. Not on any teams or anything. I have a fair number of friends, and when we get together it's great, but they don't live next door and can't hang out. I only see them at occasional events, either a party or some event we're all going to. My partner is involved in community theater which exposes her to a lot of somewhat local people but still not our actual neighborhood. To become friends with your neighbors, you have to just do it. Even though I haven't where I am now, I have in the past. In my case since this is a street with standalone houses and not an appartment building, there are lots of opportunities to see a neighbor working on something on their yard or their car and just walk up and talk about that. I don't know if it would be easier or harder in an appartment building. And of course it doesn't always work. I just remembered way back when I first moved here I noticed one guy up the block has a couple nice antique cars he works on in his garage. I'm into cars and stopped to talk to him one day, and he let me, he wasn't rude but didn't really engage and was pretty much just waiting for me to leave so I left and never bothered him again. And one of my neighbors is a full-on nut job who gets into screaming matches with everyone and the cops are at his house a couple times a year. That one I actively keep away not just through negligence. Maybe the rest of his family knows he's crazy too and I could be friends with them. Probably wherever you are there is also a shall we say "full spectrum" so just don't let that fact of life discourage you from meeting whoever else will play.

aaron695 4y ago