4 ms·
That sounds like a coerced promise. He hasn't been given an alternative, and he may not be on board with the explanation. He has learned that the only way out o
by banannaise 4y ago
That sounds like a coerced promise. He hasn't been given an alternative, and he may not be on board with the explanation. He has learned that the only way out of the situation is to make the promise, whether he intends to keep it or not.
You have to treat him like a person.
- spartanatreyu 4y agoI'm curious, what does you have to treat him like a person mean in that context? If the following things happened with an adult: 1. they lied to me 2. I calmly, respectfully and quietly call them out on it 3. they apologised to me and promised not to do it again 4. they immediately do it again I would calmly call them out again (publicly yet still calmly and respectfully if we were with others), inform them that I'm not going to remain amongst them, then ostracise them. How do you ostracise a child when you're their guardian? Edit: clarified that calling them out on it is done respectfully and calmly
- banannaise 4y agoYou're missing a step, which most adults also miss when dealing with adults. You have to figure out why they lied, and not in an accusatory way. Often, particularly when someone wants us to promise something that we don't want to, we are trained to lie to get out of the situation. It can often feel like there is no alternative to lying. This is, obviously, not an ideal behavior, but you can't solve it by force. You have to accept that they have a reason for not wanting to do what you want them to, and you have to come to a mutual understanding. In any healthy interaction, you do not unilaterally set the rules. You both have input, and you have to respect theirs, even if you don't agree with it. That will help them learn to respect your input as well.