4 ms·

> You learn about shared interests, job, which college they went to, their friend group. This is the prime mistake I see my friends make. As a guy, there are p

by blfr 4y ago

> You learn about shared interests, job, which college they went to, their friend group. This is the prime mistake I see my friends make. As a guy, there are pretty much only two things that will seriously and negatively affect your dating life: being short or boring. Talking about your college, job, and friends is usually boring. In fact, even funny stories from these contexts are often boring for your dates to hear because they don't know the people involved (yet) and don't care about them. This is how you, as a dude, end up with > you can be very attractive and therefore have a wide range of people interested in you but not have the social skills/psychological acuity to translate initial interest into a successful relationship Initial dates are primarily entertainment. Which is why they used to involve going to the cinema, a good meal, etc. You can go for a coffee, drinks, walk but come in with enough material to carry a conversation for these 1-4 hours.

chrisseaton 4y ago
> come in with enough material to carry a conversation for these 1-4 hours Wow you need a whole multi-part Netflix special just to go on a first date.
- blfr 4y ago
  Kinda but not really. First, you can reuse and even steal material heavily. Second, you can rely on props, whatever happens around. Third, you don't need to be that good: you're competing with six other boring dudes she went out with and her uncle, not Tim Dillon. Finally, after a while she will pick up and start talking herself. Then you can bounce off that, tease, make fun. This is the best anyway since anything about her is by default interesting.
  - chrisseaton 4y ago
    > Second, you can rely on props I’ve clearly got no idea how people are dating these days…
    - eternalban 4y ago
      A friend of mine met her future husband via a dating site. He apparently brought Scrabble to the first date. (The marriage is successful.)
      - arunprakash01 4y ago
        [flagged]
- Der_Einzige 4y ago
  This is called "jester-maxxing" or "goof-maxxing" for a reason. The negative connotations are more than warranted...
hahamrfunnyguy 4y ago
When I was in my early 20's this was a challenge for me, but I worked at it. Now, I am 40 and it is effortless. There is something to be said for having some well crafted stories, but I think that's a lesser part of it. The bigger thing is being able to LISTEN so you can find common ground and build rapport. Getting into the sales side in my career was the first time I began to realize how important this was. But nothing changed me like working for a political campaign. I did a large amount of door-to-door, street canvasing and phone banking. I had thousands and thousands of conversations. It was hard, but could be really satisfying if you could turn an initially unpleasant interaction into one where you both walked away smiling. I would highly recommend this type of volunteer work to help a cause you're passionate about. It was a great experience for me and it helped me develop so many different social skills.
- CapricornNoble 4y ago
  >>>There is something to be said for having some well crafted stories, but I think that's a lesser part of it. The bigger thing is being able to LISTEN so you can find common ground and build rapport. ^This, so much this. Especially learn enough about the woman from what she communicates to cue up the most appropriate of your inventory of stories.

by blfr 4y ago

chrisseaton 4y ago

> come in with enough material to carry a conversation for these 1-4 hours Wow you need a whole multi-part Netflix special just to go on a first date.

blfr 4y ago
Kinda but not really. First, you can reuse and even steal material heavily. Second, you can rely on props, whatever happens around. Third, you don't need to be that good: you're competing with six other boring dudes she went out with and her uncle, not Tim Dillon. Finally, after a while she will pick up and start talking herself. Then you can bounce off that, tease, make fun. This is the best anyway since anything about her is by default interesting.
- chrisseaton 4y ago
  > Second, you can rely on props I’ve clearly got no idea how people are dating these days…
  - eternalban 4y ago
    A friend of mine met her future husband via a dating site. He apparently brought Scrabble to the first date. (The marriage is successful.)
    - arunprakash01 4y ago
      [flagged]
Der_Einzige 4y ago
This is called "jester-maxxing" or "goof-maxxing" for a reason. The negative connotations are more than warranted...

hahamrfunnyguy 4y ago

When I was in my early 20's this was a challenge for me, but I worked at it. Now, I am 40 and it is effortless. There is something to be said for having some well crafted stories, but I think that's a lesser part of it. The bigger thing is being able to LISTEN so you can find common ground and build rapport. Getting into the sales side in my career was the first time I began to realize how important this was. But nothing changed me like working for a political campaign. I did a large amount of door-to-door, street canvasing and phone banking. I had thousands and thousands of conversations. It was hard, but could be really satisfying if you could turn an initially unpleasant interaction into one where you both walked away smiling. I would highly recommend this type of volunteer work to help a cause you're passionate about. It was a great experience for me and it helped me develop so many different social skills.

CapricornNoble 4y ago
>>>There is something to be said for having some well crafted stories, but I think that's a lesser part of it. The bigger thing is being able to LISTEN so you can find common ground and build rapport. ^This, so much this. Especially learn enough about the woman from what she communicates to cue up the most appropriate of your inventory of stories.