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I think if anything it underthinks it. It has turned into a Game Theory kind of problem. Dating sites used to have a lot of compatibility questions - I think

I think if anything it underthinks it. It has turned into a Game Theory kind of problem. Dating sites used to have a lot of compatibility questions - I think OK Cupid still does - and they were useful for filtering by values. But filtering by communication styles is much harder, and I don't think anyone has attempted it. The core of the problem is that everyone is playing by different rules. You have no idea what the other person's rules are. And some people are very insistent that their rules are correct and absolute. Worse, some rules are dysfunctional and more likely to produce bad outcomes. So it's like an intelligence war where the only signalling is behavioural, there are huge gaps in the available information, and you don't know what stakes the other person is playing to, or their appetite for risk, or what constitutes a win for them, or if they're aware of any differences between what they believe they want and what their actions reveal. Inevitably the information-free areas are filled by wishful thinking - encouraging that in partners is part of some peoples' strategy - or paranoia. Or possibly both. No wonder it's incredibly difficult.

MezzoDelCammin 5y ago
Well, IMO if You apply Game Theory on Your dating life, You'll ultimately end up dating a Game Theorist. I get that it's possible, You definitely can "game" the current dating scene, but the question I keep asking myself is "why do that". Personally, I value curiosity. If I see someone trying to game /optimize their dating profiles, it's a huge turn off for me simply because it wipes out a lot of possibilities and unknowns. All of the sudden, the "oh, hey stranger who seems interesting for me because of X" turns into "oh, hey someone who optimized their profile for X". PS Corollary to that goes "honesty". I find it almost impossible to be curious about someone who I know is either lying, or "presenting a way too curated version of truth".
- insickness 5y ago
  By looking like you're not "gaming" your profile, you're gaming your profile. This is like saying you don't like people who care so much about how they look, yet you bathe, don't wear rags, etc. It's human nature to care about presentation and optimize for how we present ourselves. Whether consciously or not, you're still playing the game if you're out dating. You're trying to get the best mate you possibly can while others are doing the same. You're not dating the ugliest, stupidest, most boring, low-status people you can find, even though that would be easiest. Welcome to the game.

MezzoDelCammin 5y ago

Well, IMO if You apply Game Theory on Your dating life, You'll ultimately end up dating a Game Theorist. I get that it's possible, You definitely can "game" the current dating scene, but the question I keep asking myself is "why do that". Personally, I value curiosity. If I see someone trying to game /optimize their dating profiles, it's a huge turn off for me simply because it wipes out a lot of possibilities and unknowns. All of the sudden, the "oh, hey stranger who seems interesting for me because of X" turns into "oh, hey someone who optimized their profile for X". PS Corollary to that goes "honesty". I find it almost impossible to be curious about someone who I know is either lying, or "presenting a way too curated version of truth".

insickness 5y ago
By looking like you're not "gaming" your profile, you're gaming your profile. This is like saying you don't like people who care so much about how they look, yet you bathe, don't wear rags, etc. It's human nature to care about presentation and optimize for how we present ourselves. Whether consciously or not, you're still playing the game if you're out dating. You're trying to get the best mate you possibly can while others are doing the same. You're not dating the ugliest, stupidest, most boring, low-status people you can find, even though that would be easiest. Welcome to the game.