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Looks like the commoditization of love/dating apps and social media begins to show its ugly tail. Stories from my circle of friends/families: - Girls obsessed
by immigrantheart 4y ago
Looks like the commoditization of love/dating apps and social media begins to show its ugly tail. Stories from my circle of friends/families:
- Girls obsessed over their physiques. Going skinny to the point it wrecked their hormones.
- People who are married just shy over 2-3 years are thinking on divorce, or have girlfriends/boyfriends.
- People having open relationships.
- Girls randomly make out in club with some random strangers they just met.
- Guys obsessed on having model-like girlfriends.
- Girls are doing nose/face/boob job more.
- Girls have Excel sheets that track potential guys according to some criterias (i.e, high paying jobs like law, medicine, graduated from an Ivy league, height, body type, etc)
Or maybe its just my circles are messed up lol.
- akhmatova 4y agoI see you're getting at with the other points -- but what's not to like about these two? - People having open relationships. - Girls randomly make out in club with some random strangers they just met.
- antihero 4y agoWhat exactly is “messed up” about open relationships and making out with strangers?
- the_doctah 4y agoWhat part about it is healthy, both physically, and emotionally, to you?
- deleted 4y ago[deleted]
- mikevm 4y agoAn open relationship is an abusive relationship, even if on the surface it doesn't look like one. You cannot love a partner without fearing of losing them - there has to be some kind of an investment. If you let your partner be intimate sexually with other people then that is definitely bound to happen. And if that doesn't scare you, then you don't really care about him/her. In most cases this is pretty much cuckoldry under a neutral or "hip" label, as women can get laid without effort and men have to work pretty hard for sex, so the woman has her fun with the myriad of choice she has on dating apps (she doesn't even have to pay for dinner), while the guy is barely getting any.
- antihero 4y agoThis just reeks of jealousy, insecurity, and incel/redpill nonsense.
- NeutralForest 4y ago
- dbspin 4y agoThis is a wholly subjective, not to say toxic view of relationships as mutually codependent and cloistrated. It speaks more to your own personal issues than any universal problem with a given relationship style. No one is forced to adopt an open relationship. The idea that 'I don't like it, so you can't have it', is profoundly authoritarian. If it doesn't suit you, don't engage in it. Easy, you can thank our pluralistic tolerant society for having options.
- mikevm 4y ago
- liminvorous 4y agoBased on your comments here and what I’ve seen of polyamorous people’s online dating profiles I think I am more likely to respect a man in such a relationship style than I am to respect you. Do you think this comment is helpful? If not do you think your own comments have been helpful? If your answers to those two questions are different do you know why they are different?
- sekh60 4y agoPsst, don't tell them about cuckqueaning.
- lolc 4y agoEh, not all people look at their relationship in that specific "work for sex" way. Read up on "invisible labor" if you want to understand why women in particular could get offended by your perspective. If you're looking for such a relationship, I'm sure you'll find a mate on those terms. But don't claim that this is the only way. And please accept that other people may prefer other setups.
- xyzzy4747 4y agoMaking out with strangers is a fast way to get sick with something. Same with open relationships. You’re getting exposed to every germ, virus, STD, etc. that they have. Plus traditionally when you have a partner it’s like a form of property. An open relationship is like sharing your house or car with everyone but probably even worse.
- igorkraw 4y agoYou are probably getting downvoted because of people objecting to framing human relationships as owning property. I want to point out to the downvoters that this post did not endorse this, but simply claimed it's traditionally so, which I think can be argued successfully. That I think it's part of the fucked up way "traditional values" make us think about people with agency is independent of that
- virtualritz 4y agoTLDR; <sarcasm> Extrapolating both your points you should thus only have one partner for life. And never leave the house (just use delivery apps/wear an ABC suit when opening the door of your house to receive deliveries). </sarcasm> The first objection you listed contains all the reasons to use protection. In general. I live in Berlin. A city where open/poly relationships are perfectly normal and common. The bday party I went to last Saturday spanned an age group of 20-50. Mostly hetero people. Of the ten people (give or take one, I just counted in my head) I spoke to, four were in open relationships This came up because my partner was there too and we introduced our significant other to other people as "this is my primary partner, ...". You use protection, you regularly get tested for STDs (free in Germany with public health insurance). I never caught anything in 20 years of this lifestyle nor do I know of any cases in my circle of poly/open relationship friends. The second objection sums up pretty nicely why you should run for your life from what you call "traditional" relationship models/their assumed requirements. My partner, who's an anthropologist, mentioned that genetic evidence for monogamy only exists for the last 10k years. And it's spotty. People who believe this is normal or "traditional" (a term that requires context to carry any meaning) just need to brush up on the facts on this topic. Also one may argue that what we call "monogamy" is (and always was) a lie. Just look at statistics of cheating and divorce rates when economic/social pressure is removed. Monogamy is as "natural" as being Christian or Muslim is "natural" when you are born in a country where this is the resp. prevalent religion.
- immigrantheart 4y agoSeems like an oxymoron to me.
- tgv 4y ago1. "Messed up" doesn't necessarily refer to that. 2. Not everybody thinks that's a good idea. Making out with strangers in a club is definitely trashy. It's the kind of thing that deceives everybody's expectations, also those of the bystanders, and can lead to a problematic outcome. You might want to say that that shouldn't happen in your particular ideal of society, but it does.
- dbspin 4y agoMeeting strangers to 'make out' with or 'hook up' with is literally the point of a club. It's been going on ever since humans had festivals and dances. Lets case conservatively 8 - 12k years. What you consider 'trashy' is completely culturally determined, and in this case amusingly bourgeois. This post is part of a wider trend toward sex negativity. It's not predicated on any major social change - in fact young people are having sex later on average, having fewer sexual partners, and people of all ages are reporting less casual sex (at least in the US). But rather on reactionary moralising.
- tgv 4y ago> completely culturally determined Murder, another completely culturally determined taboo. The (presumed, I might add) fact that something is cultural doesn't change its value. And using bourgeois as dismissive is so 1970s.
- virtualritz 4y agoWhat's your point?
- AlexandrB 4y agoMurder violates the rights of another human being. Whose rights are violated by two consenting adults making out in a club?
- tgv 4y agoA right is just another cultural concept.
- superfist 4y agoMore strangers more law of diminishing marginal utility will apply.
- WJW 4y agoHonestly this entire list was happening 20 years ago as well, although the Excel sheets were paper notebooks instead. Young people are going to experiment and make rash decisions that they regret later. That is just a part of growing up and has very little to do with social media or dating apps.
- immigrantheart 4y agoI see, well I'm not part of the cool kids then.
- jawarner 4y agoDo you really think dating used to be easy? I fail to see how "dating apps and social media" is the direct cause of the problems you mention, or that any of those problems are new to society.
- temp234 4y ago
- immigrantheart 4y agoyes, I think dating used to be easier.
- Thetawaves 4y agoThink again. The age of Tinder has made this vastly easier - not harder.
- omniglottal 4y agoEasier, perhaps, for finding initial dates, but harder for finding committed love. Although not explicit, there is an undertone in the article implying an ultimate goal of persistence & stability - i.e., marriage.
- 4y ago
- mancerayder 4y agoEvery single item (minus Excel) was quite familiar before even the Internet, forget dating apps/sites.
- FabHK 4y agoOk, this is getting really tangential, but AppleWorks was released in 1984, and Excel in 1987, way before 14k modems and the web browser (both around 1994). I think spreadsheets with girls or guys have been around for longer than many here seem to think...
- deleted 4y ago[deleted]
- ycombinete 4y agoI’m not sure any of that is new. I’m in my mid thirties now and that all sounds much the same as it was when I was at school nearly 20 years ago. I think young people find ways to do the same things in each successive generation, given that generation’s tools.
- FriedrichN 4y agoThis seems rather biased towards women, men are just as likely to make out with strangers in the club. And while men are not getting surgery to enlarge their boobs, they do get hair implants and steroids/SARMs are more prevalent than ever. I think the constant barrage of certain images on social media cause both men and women to be ever more insecure about the way they look.
- immigrantheart 4y agoFair point.
- AdrianB1 4y agoCompare the rates: what is regular behavior for women is almost an exception for men. I don't know personally anybody with a hair implant or using steroids and while a statistics with a sample size of 1 is not relevant, I think it tells something.
- keerthiko 4y agonot gonna lie, as far as i can tell every single one of these things has predated social media and online dating. the cycles are just faster and the ratios shifting, but it's roughly all the same stuff just happening faster and with more people involved.
- psyc 4y agoMaybe the happening faster part is actually the most important thing.
- blfr 4y agoMost women are now in worse shape than the generations before them were at the same age. They may be obsessed with their physiques but mostly because this is a major failing point and obesity epidemic is real.
- immigrantheart 4y agoIt is mostly for western/rich countries I think. Asian countries (rich and poor) still don't suffer from obesity.
- DFHippie 4y agoI believed I had heard differently, that obesity was on the increase globally, not just in the US or the West or rich countries. The first hit from Google: > In most of the Asian countries the prevalence of overweight and obesity has increased many folds in the past few decades and the magnitude varies between countries [6–15]. South East Asia and Western Pacific region are currently facing an epidemic of diseases associated with obesity such as diabetes and CVD [5, 6]. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2939400/#:~:text=In%20most%20of%20the%20Asian,CVD%20%5B5%2C%206%5D https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2939400/#:~:tex.... ETA: actually, that was the second hit
- immigrantheart 4y agoI have to tell you that my data is anecdotal. And boy rarely I find obese people here.
- solenoidalslide 4y agoDo you have any evidence to support that claim?
- immigrantheart 4y agoIt is mostly anecdotal, as I am currently living in 3 different countries (USA, Japan, Indonesia). The latter 2 don't suffer from obesities.
- watwut 4y ago> Girls obsessed over their physiques. Going skinny to the point it wrecked their hormones. Afaik, this does not have that much with dating/fitness. It is more to do with own body image expectations for their own sake - plus perfectionism, anxiety, growing in environment where fatness is mocked and fearing it, stuff like that. > - Girls randomly make out in club with some random strangers they just met. By stats I have seen, teenagers now start having sex later and are less likely to exhibit risky sexual behavior that those in the past (say 90ties). So while it definitely exists, it was not something that went up, but down instead.
- vmception 4y ago> - Girls obsessed over their physiques. Going skinny to the point it wrecked their hormones. This is a tale much older than social media or the internet. At this point we have bred for this predisposition. We’ll probably be better of acknowledging that. Everything else you wrote is not new either. US divorce rates hit an all time high in 1981 and has basically plateau’d. The divorce rate is skewed higher because of people in their teens and twenties (but still a bad, uninsurable, bet even if it was down to 10% or 5% for some populations). What can you possibly ascribe to social media? Making out with random people for fun and/or attention is not new. This is the most peculiar post. Social media is reflecting and perpetuating existing culture at best, if thats what you can come up with. We have enough other reasons to vilify social media than ascribing ongoing and preexisting realities (that even happened actually more frequently beforehand!) to it