3 ms·

I found it interesting. Being an older person in a long term relationship with someone I met in high school, the online dating stuff seems much harder for a lo

I found it interesting. Being an older person in a long term relationship with someone I met in high school, the online dating stuff seems much harder for a lot of reasons. Firstly, meet someone when you are young they are more likely to be of a similar socio-economic group and share a lot of values by default. Second (and I realise this is controversial) if you fall in love when you are young and stupid, the pair of you will become adults together and that shared experience will get you through shit that would turn your hair white. I thought the article provided some insight into how you are supposed to replace the older model of dating when the tech side of things offers too much pressure to do things quickly i.e. assess and cast off, or move straight to sex in a week. So to me it seemed like an assessment of things you should consider to slow things down, be honest with yourself and prospective partners. Not overthinking, properly thinking.

freedom2099 5y ago
I totally understand your point… like you I married my high school sweetheart (I am 37 and to date I have being in one continuous monogamous relationship for 20 years). We did grow up together… changed together.
doix 5y ago
I am 30(ish) and have managed to avoid the online dating scene. I just met people doing the hobbies I like and traveling. I feel like now it's easier than ever to do that. COVID has made a lot more people travel (anecdotal data ofc) after they felt stuck for a while. And remote work means that you can travel while working. You can go somewhere, meet someone, and then travel around together. If things stop going well, just stop traveling together. Stay at hostels, work at co-working spaces, look for 'expat groups' on Facebook (had to reactivate my Facebook account for this one). Get some hobbies and move to places that you can do them (live in a ski resort for a season or a surfer town and go snowboarding/surfing everyday). The person you meet will most likely be doing the same thing you're doing, so at least you have something in common (hobbies/traveling). The best part is, even if you don't meet someone, you probably had fun doing stuff rather than sitting at home and swiping on tinder. The only downside is the environmental impact of traveling around :(.
- adriand 5y ago
  This sounds like a huge amount of fun! Kudos to you, it seems a million times more enjoyable and memorable than what most other people are doing. Do you get lonely though? After you and someone you’ve been hanging out with to your separate ways, how do you feel? And aside from romantic partners, what about friendships? Like what are you doing to maintain, and benefit from, relationships that you’ve had for years?
  - doix 5y ago
    > Do you get lonely though? I tend to meet people pretty quickly, so I don't get lonely. Sometimes the opposite, there is too much social interaction and I need to hide to get some 'space' to do 'nothing'. I've been traveling with a women I met for the past 6 months though, so definitely not lonely then :). > After you and someone you’ve been hanging out with to your separate ways, how do you feel? You know when you finish/catch up to a TV show that you really like, and you want a next episode, but there isn't one? You kind of feel this emptiness inside you. It's kinda like that, but worse. But you know you'll find another show, so you just move on and then later on you just remember how awesome the show was even though it's over. Maybe I get too invested in TV shows and that analogy doesn't make sense to other people ;p. > Like what are you doing to maintain, and benefit from, relationships that you’ve had for years? I keep in touch with them and come back 'home' (UK) to see them. They are split up around the UK now, so I make an effort to go visit them. Depending on where I am, they might come visit me. I also have friends that I game with and chat on irc/mumble. I've also met a lot of 'online friends' (from playing quake3 back in the day) whilst traveling as well. Pretty cool to put a face/person to an online handle.
- brabarossa 5y ago
  Majority of people can't afford that kind of lifestyle.

freedom2099 5y ago

I totally understand your point… like you I married my high school sweetheart (I am 37 and to date I have being in one continuous monogamous relationship for 20 years). We did grow up together… changed together.

doix 5y ago

I am 30(ish) and have managed to avoid the online dating scene. I just met people doing the hobbies I like and traveling. I feel like now it's easier than ever to do that. COVID has made a lot more people travel (anecdotal data ofc) after they felt stuck for a while. And remote work means that you can travel while working. You can go somewhere, meet someone, and then travel around together. If things stop going well, just stop traveling together. Stay at hostels, work at co-working spaces, look for 'expat groups' on Facebook (had to reactivate my Facebook account for this one). Get some hobbies and move to places that you can do them (live in a ski resort for a season or a surfer town and go snowboarding/surfing everyday). The person you meet will most likely be doing the same thing you're doing, so at least you have something in common (hobbies/traveling). The best part is, even if you don't meet someone, you probably had fun doing stuff rather than sitting at home and swiping on tinder. The only downside is the environmental impact of traveling around :(.

adriand 5y ago
This sounds like a huge amount of fun! Kudos to you, it seems a million times more enjoyable and memorable than what most other people are doing. Do you get lonely though? After you and someone you’ve been hanging out with to your separate ways, how do you feel? And aside from romantic partners, what about friendships? Like what are you doing to maintain, and benefit from, relationships that you’ve had for years?
- doix 5y ago
  > Do you get lonely though? I tend to meet people pretty quickly, so I don't get lonely. Sometimes the opposite, there is too much social interaction and I need to hide to get some 'space' to do 'nothing'. I've been traveling with a women I met for the past 6 months though, so definitely not lonely then :). > After you and someone you’ve been hanging out with to your separate ways, how do you feel? You know when you finish/catch up to a TV show that you really like, and you want a next episode, but there isn't one? You kind of feel this emptiness inside you. It's kinda like that, but worse. But you know you'll find another show, so you just move on and then later on you just remember how awesome the show was even though it's over. Maybe I get too invested in TV shows and that analogy doesn't make sense to other people ;p. > Like what are you doing to maintain, and benefit from, relationships that you’ve had for years? I keep in touch with them and come back 'home' (UK) to see them. They are split up around the UK now, so I make an effort to go visit them. Depending on where I am, they might come visit me. I also have friends that I game with and chat on irc/mumble. I've also met a lot of 'online friends' (from playing quake3 back in the day) whilst traveling as well. Pretty cool to put a face/person to an online handle.
brabarossa 5y ago
Majority of people can't afford that kind of lifestyle.