I have ADHD - mostly inattentive. I'm 46. I was diagnosed in my early twenties. I had never heard of ADHD, but a friend who had been diagnosed with it sounded l

I have ADHD - mostly inattentive. I'm 46. I was diagnosed in my early twenties. I had never heard of ADHD, but a friend who had been diagnosed with it sounded like he had a lot of overlapping issues. I skipped three grades (middle school), but then failed out of university in my final year. I'm suspicious of how often ADHD is diagnosed, and the subjectivity and lack of detailed mechanistic explanations. More study is required. I have little experience with where the current youth/teen culture is at, regarding diagnoses, and mental illness. Behaviours that I attribute to ADHD have caused me a lot of suffering, and contributed to me being less reliable than I would like w.r.t deadlines, and personal commitments. On the other hand, I'm funny, and very creative. Like painfully creative. Like it's a goddamn joy/pain to be exploding with ideas and interests all the time. Going down rabbit holes, etc. My current medication is quite helpful, although I experienced very bad side-effects to the first medications I took 20 years ago. This led me to avoid medication for about a decade and a half, to my detriment. Medication has not been a cure-all, and has come with some physical side-effects that I choose to tolerate. With age, I've developed coping strategies, but it's still a daily (weekly?) struggle. This is where accepting yourself -- flaws and all comes in. That tension between personal-improvement, and personal kindness / acceptance. I'm reliable enough to get by, but I think perhaps I would have been a super-star. Still trying, I guess? All that said, I don't know if I would get rid of it. The easy creativity, just-do-it default, and humour are part of who I am and want to be. That said, the detriments have absolutely been real and contributed to my own suffering. Although, with age, I feel as though I've been through the crucible and am basically unstoppable. I just don't know exactly where I'm going. I am so much tougher, mentally, than I was. Suffering is not all bad, as long as it's not catastrophic, or inescapable. So .. uh .. yeah. YMMV.