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I sort of wrote about this, under the heading Familiarity and Belonging https://simonsarris.substack.com/p/familiarity-and-belonging https://simonsarris.substa

I sort of wrote about this, under the heading Familiarity and Belonging https://simonsarris.substack.com/p/familiarity-and-belonging https://simonsarris.substack.com/p/familiarity-and-belonging You can get some of this today simply by committing to being a regular at places, even if it is just a cafe, or a club, or even if its just twitter! (provided you use it in a way that is oriented towards making friends and not political demolition derby) It takes time and effort, but less than setting you back $200k and 4 years worth

xeromal 4y ago
This is exactly it. That's a big part of regular religious gatherings too. When you frequent a temple, mosque, or church every week. You're bound to make friends. We just haven't found a good replacement for that yet.
- Karrot_Kream 4y ago
  Volunteering is a good alternative. My partner and I volunteered for years at a place (only disrupted because of COVID) and we made some great friends there.
ambrose2 4y ago
I live in a city with things like a cafe nearby, lunch spots, etc., but making your own coffee at home is so much cheaper per year than being a “regular”. I’m not even sure how I could manage the time to do that, is that really realistic?
- abhaynayar 4y ago
  It just depends on what your priorities are. If you enjoy being a regular at that cafe, the non-monetary "profit" of going there will offset whatever you save by making your own cheaper coffee at home. Same with time. If it's a high enough priority for someone, they will find the time to do it.
BlueTankEngine 4y ago
Thank you for sharing your piece! It really resonated with me.
sph 4y ago
> committing to being a regular at places What's called the "third place", and that's sorely missing in modern life and in my opinion the root cause of the epidemic of loneliness. The third place is the third nucleus where you just hang out: one is family/home, two is school/work. In college usually you hang out with people after school. Then you graduate and it's just home and work. Meeting people outside for drink isn't a third place. A third place is a place where you just are, for how long you want, with no expectation from anybody, and with some movement of people/fresh faces once in a while. I've seen that in Africa visiting my family (hanging out on the porch after dinner talking to neighbours and passersby), I've seen it in older people in Southern Europe (hanging out in bars playing cards), but in my 30s there is a complete lack of this space. If you're working 9-5 it's even worse. What's even sadder is seeing the younger generations losing this space, because hanging out online is more convenient, so they're stuck at home, alone.
- thimkerbell 4y ago
  A structural problem is that in the cities where young people congregate, rents are high, and therefore spacious "third places" aren't likely to be viable.

xeromal 4y ago

This is exactly it. That's a big part of regular religious gatherings too. When you frequent a temple, mosque, or church every week. You're bound to make friends. We just haven't found a good replacement for that yet.

Karrot_Kream 4y ago
Volunteering is a good alternative. My partner and I volunteered for years at a place (only disrupted because of COVID) and we made some great friends there.

ambrose2 4y ago

I live in a city with things like a cafe nearby, lunch spots, etc., but making your own coffee at home is so much cheaper per year than being a “regular”. I’m not even sure how I could manage the time to do that, is that really realistic?

abhaynayar 4y ago
It just depends on what your priorities are. If you enjoy being a regular at that cafe, the non-monetary "profit" of going there will offset whatever you save by making your own cheaper coffee at home. Same with time. If it's a high enough priority for someone, they will find the time to do it.

BlueTankEngine 4y ago

Thank you for sharing your piece! It really resonated with me.

sph 4y ago

> committing to being a regular at places What's called the "third place", and that's sorely missing in modern life and in my opinion the root cause of the epidemic of loneliness. The third place is the third nucleus where you just hang out: one is family/home, two is school/work. In college usually you hang out with people after school. Then you graduate and it's just home and work. Meeting people outside for drink isn't a third place. A third place is a place where you just are, for how long you want, with no expectation from anybody, and with some movement of people/fresh faces once in a while. I've seen that in Africa visiting my family (hanging out on the porch after dinner talking to neighbours and passersby), I've seen it in older people in Southern Europe (hanging out in bars playing cards), but in my 30s there is a complete lack of this space. If you're working 9-5 it's even worse. What's even sadder is seeing the younger generations losing this space, because hanging out online is more convenient, so they're stuck at home, alone.

thimkerbell 4y ago
A structural problem is that in the cities where young people congregate, rents are high, and therefore spacious "third places" aren't likely to be viable.