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People that aren't in power not being able to communicate equally with those in power is why we have 1.Gossip[1] 2.Sarcasm[2][3] and 3.Passive Agressiveness[4].

People that aren't in power not being able to communicate equally with those in power is why we have 1.Gossip[1] 2.Sarcasm[2][3] and 3.Passive Agressiveness[4]. Sometimes it even manifests as quiet protest and doing small destructive things like not meeting deadlines or other small acts of sabotage[4]. This is rarely understood by those in power though, they would see it only as disrespect rather than the only way to regain some small amount of power. It's also worth thinking about not just broad strokes societal culture at a national level, but also family culture, like the metafilter post[5] about guess vs ask cultures explains, some feel comfortable asking for anything leaving the responder to say no (putting the load from the requester to the requested) while others guess and try to predict and will only ask when they know it will likely be a positive response (putting the load on the requester instead of the requested). Ask culture is probably more healthy, but despite that the real problems are when the two clash. [1] Gossip as Revenge of the Powerless - https://aeon.co/ideas/gossip-was-a-powerful-tool-for-the-powerless-in-ancient-greece https://aeon.co/ideas/gossip-was-a-powerful-tool-for-the-pow... [2] Humor as a Serious Strategy of Nonviolent Resistance to Oppression - https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1468-0130.2008.00488.x https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1468-0130... [3] Follower sarcasm reduces leader overpay by increasing accountability - https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S002210312100069X https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S002210312... [4] Powerlessness Corrupts - leads to sabotage - https://hbr.org/2010/07/column-powerlessness-corrupts https://hbr.org/2010/07/column-powerlessness-corrupts [5] Ask & Guess Culture - https://ask.metafilter.com/55153/Whats-the-middle-ground-between-FU-and-Welcome#830421 https://ask.metafilter.com/55153/Whats-the-middle-ground-bet...

jimkleiber 4y ago
I appreciate so much in this post. I also had never heard of the Ask/Guess culture description. I wonder if there could be another component, a Tell culture. I don't ask you, I don't guess, I just tell you how it is or what you'll do. I think that's another way we communicate and often is even more so a way to avoid the possibility of being rejected. If I ask, you can say no. If I guess, then I can maybe figure out if you say no before you actually do so you don't have to. If I tell you, then there's not much way for you to say no, or if you do, then it is a clear violation of the agreement. I think this happens with some people who are in military culture or other top-down hierarchies where there seems to be a "Tell culture" (I don't like labeling cultures too much with such identity descriptors because I think it can lock them into existence). And I think that can be one of the hardest things for people trying to reintegrate as veterans, to go from telling people what to do and being told what to do to telling your 5-year-old what to do and they say no...and then having to learn to guess or even ask...or more deep down, opening up first and then asking, maybe the most emotionally raw version.

jimkleiber 4y ago

I appreciate so much in this post. I also had never heard of the Ask/Guess culture description. I wonder if there could be another component, a Tell culture. I don't ask you, I don't guess, I just tell you how it is or what you'll do. I think that's another way we communicate and often is even more so a way to avoid the possibility of being rejected. If I ask, you can say no. If I guess, then I can maybe figure out if you say no before you actually do so you don't have to. If I tell you, then there's not much way for you to say no, or if you do, then it is a clear violation of the agreement. I think this happens with some people who are in military culture or other top-down hierarchies where there seems to be a "Tell culture" (I don't like labeling cultures too much with such identity descriptors because I think it can lock them into existence). And I think that can be one of the hardest things for people trying to reintegrate as veterans, to go from telling people what to do and being told what to do to telling your 5-year-old what to do and they say no...and then having to learn to guess or even ask...or more deep down, opening up first and then asking, maybe the most emotionally raw version.