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To extend he discussion, its safe to assume when a parent screams / hits that the other options didn't work. So it could be helpful to provide an example. Here'

To extend he discussion, its safe to assume when a parent screams / hits that the other options didn't work. So it could be helpful to provide an example. Here's a sample scenario: Your toddler throws a rock at a stranger. You ask them to stop. They do it again. You get between them. They throw the rock at you. You restrain them (as gently as possible). They spit at you and then try to bite and scratch you. What next? (Genuinely curious of your approach, I'm usually out of options at that point).

ClumsyPilot 4y ago
> Safe to assume when a parent screams / hits that the other options didn't work. Most of my life experience contradicts this - parents gets angry and emotional, ignore needs of their children, do not think through their actions and do not realise possible alternatives. I have witnessed parents 'giving away' kids to grandparents, spensong no time with them, and threatening physical punishment for poor gradea instead of offering any help Lastly, you example is of a kid acting like a feral animal - by the time you get to the point it seems something has already royally fucked up
- cloverich 4y ago
  > Lastly, you example is of a kid acting like a feral animal - by the time you get to the point it seems something has already royally fucked up Toddlers skip directly to that point with varying frequency and intensity depending on the child. Some will do it for obvious reasons, some will do it for less obvious ones. Some will do it literally at random. It would be great if all toddlers followed a step wise progression from obvious stressor to obvious meltdown, like you read about in the common parenting books, but that's not how they all work. Of course there are bad parents out there too. But theres also plenty of parents who do everything by the book, never spank, set clear boundaries with clear signals and set good routines. And they get rewarded with random slug fests that come out of nowhere. Parenting is an unimaginably challenging experience for these folks and there's little they can do about it.

ClumsyPilot 4y ago

> Safe to assume when a parent screams / hits that the other options didn't work. Most of my life experience contradicts this - parents gets angry and emotional, ignore needs of their children, do not think through their actions and do not realise possible alternatives. I have witnessed parents 'giving away' kids to grandparents, spensong no time with them, and threatening physical punishment for poor gradea instead of offering any help Lastly, you example is of a kid acting like a feral animal - by the time you get to the point it seems something has already royally fucked up

cloverich 4y ago
> Lastly, you example is of a kid acting like a feral animal - by the time you get to the point it seems something has already royally fucked up Toddlers skip directly to that point with varying frequency and intensity depending on the child. Some will do it for obvious reasons, some will do it for less obvious ones. Some will do it literally at random. It would be great if all toddlers followed a step wise progression from obvious stressor to obvious meltdown, like you read about in the common parenting books, but that's not how they all work. Of course there are bad parents out there too. But theres also plenty of parents who do everything by the book, never spank, set clear boundaries with clear signals and set good routines. And they get rewarded with random slug fests that come out of nowhere. Parenting is an unimaginably challenging experience for these folks and there's little they can do about it.