First of all don't beat yourself up over past choices, especially ones like this where you have no idea how things would have turned out if you'd acted differen

First of all don't beat yourself up over past choices, especially ones like this where you have no idea how things would have turned out if you'd acted differently (I know it's easy to say and hard to do). Should you seek professional help? maybe, having someone to talk to openly about these sort of feelings can be very beneficial and a professional's distance can make them more objective.