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> I'm also trying to figure out how to navigate the right amount of influence I should try and put on them to focus on [X] I think this is something most paren

> I'm also trying to figure out how to navigate the right amount of influence I should try and put on them to focus on [X] I think this is something most parents struggle with, myself included. I have a 17-year-old and 14-year-old, and still trying to figure that out.

sharkweek 5y ago
Thanks for saying this. Our kids are younger but I have to resist the urge to try and force my interests on them, especially as they gravitate toward things that maybe I don't connect with myself.
gwd 5y ago
What I'd like to tell my son when he gets older is that he has to choose something to be putting regular effort into getting better. It can be music or baseball or chess or Overwatch, but he has to spend at least some time every week actively investing in a skill that takes several years to master. We'll see how that turns out. As a toddler he pretty naturally pushes himself to master skills at his own pace; hopefully that attitude will continue.
- luckydata 5y ago
  I did EXACTLY that. My rule was 1 instrument and 1 sport and couldn't be play cause that he'll do for free. We started when he was 5 and he's 7 now. So far things have worked out, highs and lows abound. Stick to it, it's worth it.
  - xmprt 5y ago
    What do you mean by "couldn't be play"? I feel like the best way to learn/improve at something is by making it fun. Often times different people find different things fun so if I'm able to have fun doing something that others find to be a chore then I have a natural competitive advantage.
    - luckydata 5y ago
      he's got plenty of playtime, but that's not gonna teach him any work ethics. I don't need to MAKE him play xbox for 5 hours during the weekend, he's perfectly capable of doing that on his own.
      - gwd 5y ago
        We'll see what happens when we get there, but I think to me the difference is how much training there is. If he's spending 5 hours just clicking through an RPG where his character gains skills but he doesn't, then yeah, that doesn't count. If he's spending 5 hours doing "micro" exercises for StarCraft 2, playing on the ladder then analyzing his losses / wins, etc -- i.e., if he's actually investing in a skill that takes several years to master -- then that would count for me. Basically, anything you can hire someone to coach you on. Not sure my wife would agree with that -- we'll see what happens when we get there. :-) After all, I mostly enjoy my work; if I didn't have a job I'd still be doing a lot of programming. As you say, it's more about gaining discipline, so you can harness that energy into something worthwhile.
  - jimmyjazz14 5y ago
    No offense but I'm glad my parents were not like you sounds like a lot of pressure to have hobbies your kids don't enjoy.
    - luckydata 5y ago
      Those are not hobbies, they are part of his "job". I'm not taking offense, but I'm glad my parents gave me some discipline and I wish they did more of that.
      - jimmyjazz14 5y ago
        ah okay, well I certainly wouldn't criticize others parenting decisions I just know that for me that wouldn't have worked very well as a kid. My parents just made me work and do chores and music was something I did for fun away from doing my "job".
    - tomtheelder 5y ago
      My parents basically had the same rule, and I couldn't be more grateful. Helped me cultivate focus, dedication, and work ethic in a way that I never would have otherwise, given how easy school was. On top of that I still get huge enjoyment out of soccer and guitar, and I see many of my peers experiencing regret that they did not take those sorts of hobby type pursuits more seriously as a kid.
      - jimmyjazz14 5y ago
        My parents encouraged me to have hobbies which I appreciate but they did not force me to play an instrument.
  - tzs 5y ago
    What if they start to enjoy the instrument or the sport to the point that practicing/training/playing becomes play for them?
- tzs 5y ago
  How do you plan to handle it if his interests change? Say he first chooses playing an instrument and diligently spends some time every week at it, but then gets into chess and decides that is the skill that he wants to focus on. My recollection of childhood is that most kids had interests in things that took several years to master, but most never actually mastered any of them because they didn't stick with any particular one long term.

sharkweek 5y ago

Thanks for saying this. Our kids are younger but I have to resist the urge to try and force my interests on them, especially as they gravitate toward things that maybe I don't connect with myself.

gwd 5y ago

What I'd like to tell my son when he gets older is that he has to choose something to be putting regular effort into getting better. It can be music or baseball or chess or Overwatch, but he has to spend at least some time every week actively investing in a skill that takes several years to master. We'll see how that turns out. As a toddler he pretty naturally pushes himself to master skills at his own pace; hopefully that attitude will continue.

luckydata 5y ago
I did EXACTLY that. My rule was 1 instrument and 1 sport and couldn't be play cause that he'll do for free. We started when he was 5 and he's 7 now. So far things have worked out, highs and lows abound. Stick to it, it's worth it.
- xmprt 5y ago
  What do you mean by "couldn't be play"? I feel like the best way to learn/improve at something is by making it fun. Often times different people find different things fun so if I'm able to have fun doing something that others find to be a chore then I have a natural competitive advantage.
  - luckydata 5y ago
    he's got plenty of playtime, but that's not gonna teach him any work ethics. I don't need to MAKE him play xbox for 5 hours during the weekend, he's perfectly capable of doing that on his own.
    - gwd 5y ago
      We'll see what happens when we get there, but I think to me the difference is how much training there is. If he's spending 5 hours just clicking through an RPG where his character gains skills but he doesn't, then yeah, that doesn't count. If he's spending 5 hours doing "micro" exercises for StarCraft 2, playing on the ladder then analyzing his losses / wins, etc -- i.e., if he's actually investing in a skill that takes several years to master -- then that would count for me. Basically, anything you can hire someone to coach you on. Not sure my wife would agree with that -- we'll see what happens when we get there. :-) After all, I mostly enjoy my work; if I didn't have a job I'd still be doing a lot of programming. As you say, it's more about gaining discipline, so you can harness that energy into something worthwhile.
- jimmyjazz14 5y ago
  No offense but I'm glad my parents were not like you sounds like a lot of pressure to have hobbies your kids don't enjoy.
  - luckydata 5y ago
    Those are not hobbies, they are part of his "job". I'm not taking offense, but I'm glad my parents gave me some discipline and I wish they did more of that.
    - jimmyjazz14 5y ago
      ah okay, well I certainly wouldn't criticize others parenting decisions I just know that for me that wouldn't have worked very well as a kid. My parents just made me work and do chores and music was something I did for fun away from doing my "job".
  - tomtheelder 5y ago
    My parents basically had the same rule, and I couldn't be more grateful. Helped me cultivate focus, dedication, and work ethic in a way that I never would have otherwise, given how easy school was. On top of that I still get huge enjoyment out of soccer and guitar, and I see many of my peers experiencing regret that they did not take those sorts of hobby type pursuits more seriously as a kid.
    - jimmyjazz14 5y ago
      My parents encouraged me to have hobbies which I appreciate but they did not force me to play an instrument.
- tzs 5y ago
  What if they start to enjoy the instrument or the sport to the point that practicing/training/playing becomes play for them?
tzs 5y ago
How do you plan to handle it if his interests change? Say he first chooses playing an instrument and diligently spends some time every week at it, but then gets into chess and decides that is the skill that he wants to focus on. My recollection of childhood is that most kids had interests in things that took several years to master, but most never actually mastered any of them because they didn't stick with any particular one long term.