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While what you're saying makes sense from a logical standpoint, I don't think it adequately explains why so many children of divorced couples are absolutely cut

While what you're saying makes sense from a logical standpoint, I don't think it adequately explains why so many children of divorced couples are absolutely cut up and bitter to the core about what happened to their family.

yowlingcat 5y ago
It makes sense for them to be absolutely cut up and bitter, but I guess the question is whether they wouldn't have ended up cut up and bitter to the same degree (and just a different direction) if the parents had stayed together while the same underlying issues which caused the divorce ultimately remained. Perhaps that would be true for some families and not for others.
kibwen 5y ago
Nobody's saying that it's totally impossible for any given divorce to be worse for the children. What people are saying is that it is possible for a given divorce to be better for the children. I am a child of divorce. It was a defining moment of my childhood, but with the benefit of years I can conclude that I had better relationships with each of my parents after their divorce than before it. Ironically, my parents also had a better relationship with each other after their divorce, though perhaps this is atypical. If people want to help children of divorce, then make it so that having divorced parents isn't socially stigmatized, and implement social safety nets to reduce the economic uncertainty that accompanies divorce. But trying to keep parents together by any means necessary--no matter the cost--that doesn't help children, because when they grow up thinking that a toxic relationship is normal that only helps to perpetuate the cycle of marital misery that itself has a damaging effect on the well-being of children.
- helpfulmandrill 5y ago
  Your experience definitely reflects my own. It was so much nicer seeing having my parents become good platonic friends rather than married enemies.
toomuchtodo 5y ago
A loss of stability and safety in what is supposed to be the most safe and stable part of a child’s life.
tenebrisalietum 5y ago
What happened to their family wasn't the divorce, but the event causing the divorce, which would have been there--marriage or not. For example: A father loses his job and refuses to find work. The family becomes poor, moves to bad neighborhoods, the father starts drinking and becoming abusive. After a couple of years the mother divorces the father. Divorce is not what the kids are cut up and bitter about. Had the above mother not divorced the father, the kids would have still been cut up and bitter.
helpfulmandrill 5y ago
I was relieved when my parents divorced, although it helped that while they fought like cat and dog while together, they cooperated fairly amicably when separated. Maybe I'm an outlier though.
- Nursie 5y ago
  Mine likewise, I only wish they had done it sooner and not hung on "for the kids" for 15 years.

yowlingcat 5y ago

It makes sense for them to be absolutely cut up and bitter, but I guess the question is whether they wouldn't have ended up cut up and bitter to the same degree (and just a different direction) if the parents had stayed together while the same underlying issues which caused the divorce ultimately remained. Perhaps that would be true for some families and not for others.

kibwen 5y ago

Nobody's saying that it's totally impossible for any given divorce to be worse for the children. What people are saying is that it is possible for a given divorce to be better for the children. I am a child of divorce. It was a defining moment of my childhood, but with the benefit of years I can conclude that I had better relationships with each of my parents after their divorce than before it. Ironically, my parents also had a better relationship with each other after their divorce, though perhaps this is atypical. If people want to help children of divorce, then make it so that having divorced parents isn't socially stigmatized, and implement social safety nets to reduce the economic uncertainty that accompanies divorce. But trying to keep parents together by any means necessary--no matter the cost--that doesn't help children, because when they grow up thinking that a toxic relationship is normal that only helps to perpetuate the cycle of marital misery that itself has a damaging effect on the well-being of children.

helpfulmandrill 5y ago
Your experience definitely reflects my own. It was so much nicer seeing having my parents become good platonic friends rather than married enemies.

toomuchtodo 5y ago

A loss of stability and safety in what is supposed to be the most safe and stable part of a child’s life.

tenebrisalietum 5y ago

What happened to their family wasn't the divorce, but the event causing the divorce, which would have been there--marriage or not. For example: A father loses his job and refuses to find work. The family becomes poor, moves to bad neighborhoods, the father starts drinking and becoming abusive. After a couple of years the mother divorces the father. Divorce is not what the kids are cut up and bitter about. Had the above mother not divorced the father, the kids would have still been cut up and bitter.

helpfulmandrill 5y ago

I was relieved when my parents divorced, although it helped that while they fought like cat and dog while together, they cooperated fairly amicably when separated. Maybe I'm an outlier though.

Nursie 5y ago
Mine likewise, I only wish they had done it sooner and not hung on "for the kids" for 15 years.