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How common is bullying in schools where you live? I've never been bullied, or bullied others, or witnessed bullying in school. We had fights, but mostly short

How common is bullying in schools where you live? I've never been bullied, or bullied others, or witnessed bullying in school. We had fights, but mostly short fist fights between equal opponents that quickly ended up drawing the attention of teachers, and mostly due to arguments, rather than someone being harassed or squeezed for lunch money (that might be because we had no lunch money). The only case of bullying that I'm familiar with, is how the school treats its students (hitting, forced confession, long detention, school ending at 10pm). Is bullying among students a common occurrence in your schools? Is it like the TV dramas, where athletic sports students bully the bookish ones?

RankingMember 5y ago
> Is it like the TV dramas, where athletic sports students bully the bookish ones? absolutely, that's a common dynamic in bullying. I'm in the US, though- perhaps you're somewhere else?
- powersnail 5y ago
  Yes, I grew up in China (but I won't say that my experience represents Chinese schools in general; I was probably just lucky).
basisword 5y ago
>> or witnessed bullying in school It doesn’t tend to be like in the movies where the big kid hits the little kid. It’s often something you wouldn’t notice and friends of the person being bullied wouldn’t notice. Subtle but continuous and because you have to go to school you can do nothing to avoid it. Also keep in mind words can hurt much more easily when you’re a kid.
macksd 5y ago
I've wondered about this, because I hear about bullying a lot on various neighborhood social media groups, etc. When I was in school I felt like I was a victim of bullying. Looking back with my grown-up perspective and having gone to talk to a therapist about a lot of it, there was definitely some legit bullying, and I absolutely buy that that happens to other people now. Kids can say or do some pretty cruel things, sometimes without even realizing it. And I think our hyper-connected world has made some of these dynamics worse or harder to escape. There was, however, also just the fact that I was extremely awkward, having immigrated multiple times at key times in my social development, and I just didn't really feel connected to anyone or know how to relate to the other kids around me. I acted pretty unlikable in a lot of ways, and other kids could have been more sensitive to that but at a certain point that's just an unreasonable expectation. I interpreted the way they acted to me as bullying, but looking back that was what helped me grow out of it and be able to relate to people better. I don't want to extrapolate from my experience and say that kids feeling bullied need to just deal with it and grow through it, but I think that's a factor in at least some other cases. What I thought of reading this article was my own experience on the other side: I moved back to near my home town after a decade away, and I messaged some people who I had felt had bullied me at one point in time but with whom I had been Facebook friends for a while. We ended up having a really good chat over lunch or something, and it was healing to feel "Hey - grown-up-you is actually pretty nice and cool, and grown-up-me is capable of talking to you and feeling mutual respect". It stopped feeling like they had bullied me, and felt more like man, growing up can be weird.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
at_a_remove 5y ago
I can only speak from my experience. In junior high, we had a very definite pecking order. Everyone knew who the bullied kids were, everyone knew who the worst off were. This includes the administration. The worst off was this kid who would get "swirlies" in toilets that had yet to be flushed. He ended up bringing a gun to school, shooting two of his bullies and then himself. Among other things, I was knocked into a gym mat from behind, rolled up like a pig in a blanket, and jumped on. My body made crunchy noises. The nurse taped up my ribs. Nobody saw anything, kids letting off steam, whatever. Life goes on. In high school, the very obviously out of the closet kid (this was before it was common) happened to take a lot of mysterious flights down the stairs when the sportos were around. The bullying largely stopped for me by then because I had given up on the proper procedures and, between the martial arts and other things, I made it clear that I was going to hurt anyone who hurt me, and I was going to keep on hurting them as long as possible. Other targets were present. Punishment really only happened if the perpetrators were dumb enough to do it in front of enough people, and if they were the "J.D." types, whereas the more valuable members of sporting teams, well ... if there were consequences, they didn't seem to be impactful of their behavior or participation. And so on and so forth. And of course girls have their own methods that are unique.
francisofascii 5y ago
>> A junior high family member gave me some insight on how a few boys in her class are bullied. It sounded stereotypical. Athletic / good looking alpha kid will pick on short, shy, not very talented kid. Not physically. But things like, "you can't sit at our table", or "be in our game", or "you are so stupid", etc. The normal, but less evil kids don't really do anything to help or anything to stand up to the alpha kid. Or don't include the bullied kid. A few girls will come to his defense to call out the alpha kid, but that doesn't really help, either. The kid has to go to school every day and basically be a loner. It is sad. And I am not sure what the solution is. The bullied kid is switching schools next year.
screye 5y ago
Bullying is rampant in India and it was rampant in my years in school. I was the unfortunate recipient of it for years. It was mostly physical, exclusion and quips/harassment uniquely targeted to you that starts hurting when literally everyone is throwing them at you. I have always found the bullying portrayed in American media to be weirdly sexual (eg: swirlies) even among men and emotionally traumatizing. The smart kids are rarely bullied. The bullies are usually under-performers with insecurities who target kids who can be cast into an 'outsider' box.

RankingMember 5y ago

> Is it like the TV dramas, where athletic sports students bully the bookish ones? absolutely, that's a common dynamic in bullying. I'm in the US, though- perhaps you're somewhere else?

powersnail 5y ago
Yes, I grew up in China (but I won't say that my experience represents Chinese schools in general; I was probably just lucky).

basisword 5y ago

>> or witnessed bullying in school It doesn’t tend to be like in the movies where the big kid hits the little kid. It’s often something you wouldn’t notice and friends of the person being bullied wouldn’t notice. Subtle but continuous and because you have to go to school you can do nothing to avoid it. Also keep in mind words can hurt much more easily when you’re a kid.

macksd 5y ago

I've wondered about this, because I hear about bullying a lot on various neighborhood social media groups, etc. When I was in school I felt like I was a victim of bullying. Looking back with my grown-up perspective and having gone to talk to a therapist about a lot of it, there was definitely some legit bullying, and I absolutely buy that that happens to other people now. Kids can say or do some pretty cruel things, sometimes without even realizing it. And I think our hyper-connected world has made some of these dynamics worse or harder to escape. There was, however, also just the fact that I was extremely awkward, having immigrated multiple times at key times in my social development, and I just didn't really feel connected to anyone or know how to relate to the other kids around me. I acted pretty unlikable in a lot of ways, and other kids could have been more sensitive to that but at a certain point that's just an unreasonable expectation. I interpreted the way they acted to me as bullying, but looking back that was what helped me grow out of it and be able to relate to people better. I don't want to extrapolate from my experience and say that kids feeling bullied need to just deal with it and grow through it, but I think that's a factor in at least some other cases. What I thought of reading this article was my own experience on the other side: I moved back to near my home town after a decade away, and I messaged some people who I had felt had bullied me at one point in time but with whom I had been Facebook friends for a while. We ended up having a really good chat over lunch or something, and it was healing to feel "Hey - grown-up-you is actually pretty nice and cool, and grown-up-me is capable of talking to you and feeling mutual respect". It stopped feeling like they had bullied me, and felt more like man, growing up can be weird.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

at_a_remove 5y ago

I can only speak from my experience. In junior high, we had a very definite pecking order. Everyone knew who the bullied kids were, everyone knew who the worst off were. This includes the administration. The worst off was this kid who would get "swirlies" in toilets that had yet to be flushed. He ended up bringing a gun to school, shooting two of his bullies and then himself. Among other things, I was knocked into a gym mat from behind, rolled up like a pig in a blanket, and jumped on. My body made crunchy noises. The nurse taped up my ribs. Nobody saw anything, kids letting off steam, whatever. Life goes on. In high school, the very obviously out of the closet kid (this was before it was common) happened to take a lot of mysterious flights down the stairs when the sportos were around. The bullying largely stopped for me by then because I had given up on the proper procedures and, between the martial arts and other things, I made it clear that I was going to hurt anyone who hurt me, and I was going to keep on hurting them as long as possible. Other targets were present. Punishment really only happened if the perpetrators were dumb enough to do it in front of enough people, and if they were the "J.D." types, whereas the more valuable members of sporting teams, well ... if there were consequences, they didn't seem to be impactful of their behavior or participation. And so on and so forth. And of course girls have their own methods that are unique.

francisofascii 5y ago

>> A junior high family member gave me some insight on how a few boys in her class are bullied. It sounded stereotypical. Athletic / good looking alpha kid will pick on short, shy, not very talented kid. Not physically. But things like, "you can't sit at our table", or "be in our game", or "you are so stupid", etc. The normal, but less evil kids don't really do anything to help or anything to stand up to the alpha kid. Or don't include the bullied kid. A few girls will come to his defense to call out the alpha kid, but that doesn't really help, either. The kid has to go to school every day and basically be a loner. It is sad. And I am not sure what the solution is. The bullied kid is switching schools next year.

screye 5y ago

Bullying is rampant in India and it was rampant in my years in school. I was the unfortunate recipient of it for years. It was mostly physical, exclusion and quips/harassment uniquely targeted to you that starts hurting when literally everyone is throwing them at you. I have always found the bullying portrayed in American media to be weirdly sexual (eg: swirlies) even among men and emotionally traumatizing. The smart kids are rarely bullied. The bullies are usually under-performers with insecurities who target kids who can be cast into an 'outsider' box.