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The “direct” payoff is an abstraction. Follow the code. It’s so you get money to pay for food, shelter and piece of mind, possibly status. Somewhere further up

The “direct” payoff is an abstraction. Follow the code. It’s so you get money to pay for food, shelter and piece of mind, possibly status. Somewhere further up Mazlow’s hierarchy is enjoyment. Regardless, I consider anyone operating in humanity to be mentally ill in general. It’s just, how much of your mental illness impacts the rest of us, and how much of it is abstracted away so we can quickly label it harmless (mostly to the rest of us). Digging a tunnel the closest shit to “ain’t bothering me” as it’s going to get. Now, if your nonsense pushes you to monopolize industries and abuse labor for profit, yeah, now your mental illness is on blast. ——— Few would consider that the GF is mentally ill, so obsessed with how it would look to others, so obsessed with how it’s non conforming.

ineedasername 4y ago
"Ain't bothering me" as an attitude applies if you don't have an attachment to the person. In this case, the partner is actually bothered by it. They don't have a right to force a halt but concerns about major behavioral changes are reasonable for a loved one to have in this situation. "Ain't bothering me" also only applies if you disregard the potential damage to local underground infrastructure, other people's property, hitting a gas line and cause a major issue, etc. If they're in a rural area where those aren't potential issues and the boyfriend doesn't want to change, then the partner simply has to decide if they can live with the new situation. I think we'd agree on that. --- I'm confused on your comments about reading into the partner's mental health. I see no indication in their post saying they're concerned about how it looks to others. As for non-conforming, they seem to be somewhat accepting, stating that they haven't made it a big issue before because the boyfriend seems relatively happy. They specifically say, "My biggest concern is his safety". That seems reasonable. Major behavioral changes on the other hand would be a bigger warning sign. (while acknowledging that a red flag doesn't mean there's an actual issue) EDIT: From an update [1] here's why the boyfriend says he does it: "It’s just pleasant. When I’m down there, I feel safe and calm, and I’m always happier when I leave than when I went in" I suppose there are worse coping mechanisms than that. [1] https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/u6a3qp/oop_asks_how_can_i_get_my_boyfriend_to_stop/ https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/u6a3...

ineedasername 4y ago

"Ain't bothering me" as an attitude applies if you don't have an attachment to the person. In this case, the partner is actually bothered by it. They don't have a right to force a halt but concerns about major behavioral changes are reasonable for a loved one to have in this situation. "Ain't bothering me" also only applies if you disregard the potential damage to local underground infrastructure, other people's property, hitting a gas line and cause a major issue, etc. If they're in a rural area where those aren't potential issues and the boyfriend doesn't want to change, then the partner simply has to decide if they can live with the new situation. I think we'd agree on that. --- I'm confused on your comments about reading into the partner's mental health. I see no indication in their post saying they're concerned about how it looks to others. As for non-conforming, they seem to be somewhat accepting, stating that they haven't made it a big issue before because the boyfriend seems relatively happy. They specifically say, "My biggest concern is his safety". That seems reasonable. Major behavioral changes on the other hand would be a bigger warning sign. (while acknowledging that a red flag doesn't mean there's an actual issue) EDIT: From an update [1] here's why the boyfriend says he does it: "It’s just pleasant. When I’m down there, I feel safe and calm, and I’m always happier when I leave than when I went in" I suppose there are worse coping mechanisms than that. [1] https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/u6a3qp/oop_asks_how_can_i_get_my_boyfriend_to_stop/ https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/u6a3...