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I'm always amazed by the over-thinking done by myself and people like me when discussing attracting mates. There's really only a few lessons I've learned in 20

I'm always amazed by the over-thinking done by myself and people like me when discussing attracting mates. There's really only a few lessons I've learned in 20 years of dating, and they are: Take great care of yourself, cultivate socially-acceptable hobbies, and don't overthink it. Note: Dating is not tinder.

Cthulhu_ 5y ago
> cultivate socially-acceptable hobbies Just wanted to pull this one out, because the socially acceptable hobbies have shifted a bit over time; "nerdy" hobbies are more commonplace these days. I mean my girlfriend is playing FFXIV downstairs at the moment. That said, model trains, while of course super cool, won't get you very far.
- gernb 5y ago
  go on to okcupid, filter on Q:"Would enjoy a night playing video games" A:Yes - Result: x women within 50 miles of SF where x is < 1%
  - atoav 5y ago
    Maybe because okcupid is not statistical representative of all women? Or maybe because women don't think it benefits them if they answer that question with yes on a dating platform?
lostmsu 5y ago
An anecdote. I am 33, married for 10+ years now. Taking care of yourself is not something most people would say I do. Never had any problems attracting mates (although I suppose not taking care of yourself is more socially acceptable in university).
- caeril 5y ago
  To amplify your anecdote with my own: I am 6'3", 215lbs, 12% bodyfat per DEXA scan, with a 21.5 inch bideltoid and a 465lb deadlift. To this day, my wife is the only woman on Earth who has ever noticed my existence (and even there, she's only with me for the income provisioning). My pet hypothesis is that sexual success with heterosexual women almost exclusively boils down to facial aesthetics: symmetry, midface ratio, interpupillary distance, collagen and elastin production, mandible forward growth and width, eyelid exposure, zygomatic protrusion, orbital bone thickness and radius, ramus length, etc. You're very likely blessed with good facial aesthetics. But who knows? What I do know for certain is that the coefficients of height, wealth, and muscularity are precisely ZERO in the attraction equation.

Cthulhu_ 5y ago

> cultivate socially-acceptable hobbies Just wanted to pull this one out, because the socially acceptable hobbies have shifted a bit over time; "nerdy" hobbies are more commonplace these days. I mean my girlfriend is playing FFXIV downstairs at the moment. That said, model trains, while of course super cool, won't get you very far.

gernb 5y ago
go on to okcupid, filter on Q:"Would enjoy a night playing video games" A:Yes - Result: x women within 50 miles of SF where x is < 1%
- atoav 5y ago
  Maybe because okcupid is not statistical representative of all women? Or maybe because women don't think it benefits them if they answer that question with yes on a dating platform?

lostmsu 5y ago

An anecdote. I am 33, married for 10+ years now. Taking care of yourself is not something most people would say I do. Never had any problems attracting mates (although I suppose not taking care of yourself is more socially acceptable in university).

caeril 5y ago
To amplify your anecdote with my own: I am 6'3", 215lbs, 12% bodyfat per DEXA scan, with a 21.5 inch bideltoid and a 465lb deadlift. To this day, my wife is the only woman on Earth who has ever noticed my existence (and even there, she's only with me for the income provisioning). My pet hypothesis is that sexual success with heterosexual women almost exclusively boils down to facial aesthetics: symmetry, midface ratio, interpupillary distance, collagen and elastin production, mandible forward growth and width, eyelid exposure, zygomatic protrusion, orbital bone thickness and radius, ramus length, etc. You're very likely blessed with good facial aesthetics. But who knows? What I do know for certain is that the coefficients of height, wealth, and muscularity are precisely ZERO in the attraction equation.