Your case seems pretty serious, so I may not be the right person for this. That said, it seems that you've hit a roadblock with regards to formal treatment (so

Your case seems pretty serious, so I may not be the right person for this. That said, it seems that you've hit a roadblock with regards to formal treatment (so far), so maybe sharing my perspective won't hurt. I'm open to having a longer extended conversation about your situation to get a better understanding of the underlying issues. I read through a bit of your other post and can see that you're married. How's that going? Sometimes the closest relationships are the missing key to our personal problems. Not saying they caused your problems, not at all, but rather they can be an important step in helping you heal. If you're open to having a longer conversation, my email is in my profile. All the best, Sam