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I had the exact same relationship with my parents for the same reason. A family therapist once even specifically told this to my siblings and I using the term “

by psyc 5y ago

I had the exact same relationship with my parents for the same reason. A family therapist once even specifically told this to my siblings and I using the term “Adult Children.” However, I somehow managed to develop some affection and a “feeling that they’re my parents” in my mid 30s. But don’t even get me started on my total inability to form committed relationships!

Trasmatta 5y ago
It seems to be a pretty common phenomenon, I think. People have kids when they're young, and a role reversal happens then the kids get old enough. This causes deep seated emotional issues which then continue on to the next generation... My parents did the best they could with what they had available to them at the time. But it still messed me up, and I've decided not to have kids myself. > But don’t even get me started on my total inability to form committed relationships! oh hey it me!
- psyc 5y ago
  Oh yes, my parents were extremely earnest about trying to be good parents. They just couldn’t do it, and it was really sad. I think trying to give them credit for their intentions and what they were able to do for us helped me. When I was a teen, I used to think about having kids so I could do a better job. Once I became an adult I couldn’t even consider or conceive of it.
  - Trasmatta 5y ago
    > When I was a teen, I used to think about having kids so I could do a better job. Once I became an adult I could even consider or conceive of it. I used to think the same thing when I was a teenager! I would daydream about how I would be so much better of a parent. Now I realize I wouldn't do better at all. It's incredibly hard. So I understand my parents much better now, but it's still hard for me to feel love and affection for them after everything that happened.
    - psyc 5y ago
      Oops. I meant to write “could NOT consider or conceive of it.”
      - Trasmatta 5y ago
        No worries, that's what I interpreted the meaning as :)
    - grvdrm 5y ago
      I’m a parent now and this thread hits home. I’ll respond in full otherwise but wanted to comment here first. I think you might be able to do better but it’s not really a black and white comparison. Maybe better for some things, and worse for other things. I look at my own parenting today and am proud that I am NOT doing some of the things my dad did, but I don’t think of myself as better or worse overall. I’m just happy that what I’m doing makes sense to me, and produces pretty awesome feedback from my kids and especially my wife.

by psyc 5y ago

Trasmatta 5y ago

It seems to be a pretty common phenomenon, I think. People have kids when they're young, and a role reversal happens then the kids get old enough. This causes deep seated emotional issues which then continue on to the next generation... My parents did the best they could with what they had available to them at the time. But it still messed me up, and I've decided not to have kids myself. > But don’t even get me started on my total inability to form committed relationships! oh hey it me!

psyc 5y ago
Oh yes, my parents were extremely earnest about trying to be good parents. They just couldn’t do it, and it was really sad. I think trying to give them credit for their intentions and what they were able to do for us helped me. When I was a teen, I used to think about having kids so I could do a better job. Once I became an adult I couldn’t even consider or conceive of it.
- Trasmatta 5y ago
  > When I was a teen, I used to think about having kids so I could do a better job. Once I became an adult I could even consider or conceive of it. I used to think the same thing when I was a teenager! I would daydream about how I would be so much better of a parent. Now I realize I wouldn't do better at all. It's incredibly hard. So I understand my parents much better now, but it's still hard for me to feel love and affection for them after everything that happened.
  - psyc 5y ago
    Oops. I meant to write “could NOT consider or conceive of it.”
    - Trasmatta 5y ago
      No worries, that's what I interpreted the meaning as :)
  - grvdrm 5y ago
    I’m a parent now and this thread hits home. I’ll respond in full otherwise but wanted to comment here first. I think you might be able to do better but it’s not really a black and white comparison. Maybe better for some things, and worse for other things. I look at my own parenting today and am proud that I am NOT doing some of the things my dad did, but I don’t think of myself as better or worse overall. I’m just happy that what I’m doing makes sense to me, and produces pretty awesome feedback from my kids and especially my wife.