IANAL as well, so all I can do is make a semi-educated guess at how the legal system would treat this. My only "qualification" is I raise guide dog for the blin

IANAL as well, so all I can do is make a semi-educated guess at how the legal system would treat this. My only "qualification" is I raise guide dog for the blind puppies, so I see ADA stuff often. I'd guess that that forgetting that a request was made does not mean a request wasn't made, and doesn't remove the employer's requirement to comply with the ADA. It's also unclear to me that the "informal" part of "informal request" means anything here - a request is a request, and it was made to the person in charge of birthday parties. Regardless of if she threw the party to be mean or not (given the outcome, I don't think that's relevant) - the root problem may have come down to the company's reaction to his panic attack. They fired him for his disability. That's a clear violation of the ADA.