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Sorry you feel that way, I'll try to be frank here, if my advice isn't useful, just don't take it. I know a few people exactly like you, that like to boost abo

Sorry you feel that way, I'll try to be frank here, if my advice isn't useful, just don't take it. I know a few people exactly like you, that like to boost about how well off they are and that are depressed and sad, but they treat life as it is a game of competition, this is why they usually start by displaying how "they've won", but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work. What do you like to do outside of work, that isn't some sort of addiction, such as gaming, gambling and doesn't give some kind of thrill that you also get in business and while making money? Try to spend more time doing those things. Also to say those things to your wife and come here and say is load, makes me believe you don't respect her at all. What does your therapist say about this? You've decided to waste the best years of your life working a lot and making money, and now you fail to appreciate the things you've conquered etc. At your age, there is still a lot of things you can do. Now there is still a lot of golden days, but it will never be like you were 20, for sure. Such as, if you try to skate, every fall will hurt much more than when you were young and take longer to recover. Same is for playing an instrument, will take much longer to learn. We are like fruits, eventually we will get rotten. Also the way you talk about depression seems like you want to hide behind it. Honestly depressed people can't get shit done as you do, I live with somebody with it and they can't wake up, have a business or deal with commitments as you've done, to me it seems you are mostly sad because you want to always be on a peak, winning, sort of like a cocaine addict, hence my earlier comment about addiction. A therapist can help with that, invest on more sessions and if the current one isn't working, find a new one.

Trasmatta 5y ago
> Honestly depressed people can't get shit done as you do, I live with somebody with it and they can't wake up, have a business or deal with commitments as you've done, to me it seems you are mostly sad because you want to always be on a peak, winning, sort of like a cocaine addict, hence my earlier comment about addiction This isn't true, depression has a pretty wide spectrum, and some depressed people are fairly high functioning. There are vast differences in severity, and it also surfaces differently in different people.
- WHA8m 5y ago
  Yes, but every depressed human will eventually break because of that. No way you're getting trough with that - given, the 'highly functioning' is a displacement for your depression. They have been depressed before, but afterwards it'll be much more apparent (and urgent).
- thiago_fm 5y ago
  Are you a psychiatrist?
  - Trasmatta 5y ago
    Nope, but I've been diagnosed with mild to moderate depression for the past 16 years. You don't need to be a psychiatrist to know that depression doesn't always surface in the way you described.
czbond 5y ago
> but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work A lot of people find passion + work align. It's ok not to waste your time watching TV, sports, playing games, art, and all that stuff people do to distract them from life. It is ok for your hobby to be work. There are just enough people who aren't driven to work, that it bothers them. I can work 10 hours every day, and enjoy working that way on the weekends. Life is boring - if you're in charge of work, it can be fulfilling.
- tcldr 5y ago
  > It's ok not to waste your time watching TV, sports, playing games, art Art?
  - whynotkeithberg 5y ago
    Basically he's someone who only finds value by producing economic value for someone else. Their own wants, desires etc have no value to someone else so therefor should not be pursued. It's a pretty fucked up view of what life should be. I'm sure they're someone that views old people as having absolutely no value in life as well.
    - dotnet00 5y ago
      That's a less than charitable interpretation. Perhaps he simply isn't interested in art?
    - deleted 5y ago
      [deleted]
    - czbond 5y ago
      Lots of assumptions there ;) Maybe we as people all just like different things?
- whynotkeithberg 5y ago
  Time you enjoy wasting is not time wasted. just because you feel work is the only thing that gives you purpose doesn't mean it's the only thing. Having material goods and producing material goods for others isn't the only purpose in life and a majority of people will not find true happiness out of this. It doesn't mean that laziness is the way to go, but viewing having hobby's that don't produce something as a bad thing is an awful outlook on life and just makes you a slave to others.
boucher 5y ago
Depression is not one thing, not everyone experiences it the same way as the person you live with.
malfist 5y ago
Echoing what other commenters are saying. Depression takes many forms, and some of them allow you to still function. Just like some people can be a high functioning alcoholic, some people can hold down a job and achieve high levels of professional success while everything else in their life is crumbling to their depression. There's also like 5 classes of antidepressant drugs, and several more that don't fall into a specific class. Each class has several options. If the first one doesn't work for you, that doesn't mean the next wont. The biological causes of depression aren't well understood and it's trial and error to find one that works for you. I would encourage people who are depressed to talk with their doctor, and find a medication that works for them. And don't be afraid to tell your doctor one isn't working, they won't be surprised. Depression isn't one size fits all, and the meds for it aren't either.
cdicelico 5y ago
Re: "Now there is still a lot of golden days, but it will never be like you were 20, for sure.", this is not necessarily a bad thing. 20-somethings move so fast because they don't have the experience to move strategically, to stop, think slowly and methodically, gather perspectives and advice, and make deliberate, powerful moves. Older people don't need to be so hyperactive; we move with more efficiency because we don't need to move as MUCH. Learn to play chess rather than checkers. This worship of youth is disease.
weakfish 5y ago
Repeating what others have said, but as the person in question. I'm incredibly depressed in the sense that I struggle to find motivation to achieve fairly basic tasks such as laundry, feeding myself, etc + extremely numbed emotions, but I am high functioning through a combination of anxiety and force of will (I'm graduating with a decent GPA from a state school with a job lined up). It can be highly invisible; in fact, I reckon that it is usually invisible and most only see the extreme cases such as your roommate.
- thiago_fm 5y ago
  Are you diagnosed, need to take medicine, is it chronic, do you need to visit your doctor frequently and have a lot of problems, even social issues...? If not, then you don't have depression, you are just sad/bored like most of the people in this world and is misusing a word and kind of downplaying on depression.
  - weakfish 5y ago
    Yes, I am diagnosed by two different psychiatrists and have been taking medication and been in therapy for over 7 years. It impacts my life daily and has caused a great amount of harm in my life. This includes self-destructive behavior and (long ago) suicidal ideation. Don't make assumptions about people you don't know.
Kletion 5y ago
I'm 32, wish often enough to not live, think about unfairness around the globe. I'm often enough dreading work. My work ethic is very high, it is my hobby and I'm really good at it. So if that's not being depressed, I'm just realistic?
- ZeroGravitas 5y ago
  Could be both: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism
richardlblair 5y ago
There is a lot to comment on here, but I'm going to look at this: > Honestly depressed people can't get shit done as you do This isn't true. I'm sorry the person you're living with is having a hard time getting out of bed, but there are a lot of people out there who have very severe depression who are "successful". What you describe is just one form that depression can take. Some of the rest of what you wrote has merit. To be honest, it just sounds like OP doesn't have a fully developed sense of self (very common, esp for people in his generation). If they connect with who they are, and pivot their philosophy in life to connect with what's important to them (their values) they should at least feel a little better. This is where working with a therapist can be helpful. I'd specifically think ACT (acceptance commitment therapy) would be helpful in a situation like this. But, I'll leave the therapy stuff to therapy people.
i_love_music 5y ago
I personally love your take. I don't know about this person, but it resonates with me. Especially the part about treating life as a game or competition and the only success metric is work/money/power. I'm by no means a lost cause, but I dabble in that game more than I want to. Or, I should say, I assign too much self worth around those metrics.
- thiago_fm 5y ago
  I wrote specifically that comment above because I've wasted a few years of my life with this mindset and after therapy and a lot of struggles, I've figured out it has been what made me depressive and hate my life and myself. But I was lucky enough to change the situation around with therapy, friends and a framework that enabled me to... and now I live in peace with a degree of peacefulness with myself. I recognize that I can easily get addicted into something that gives me that feeling of self-improvement, money arriving in my bank account, stocks going up, being recognized by my peers. This at a modest level, it is actually great, because it will provide you a good standard of living and confort, but too much will make yourself miserable, only when I saw that I was basically like a cocaine addict and couldn't enjoy anything in my life and finally hit the breaks that my life changed.

Trasmatta 5y ago

> Honestly depressed people can't get shit done as you do, I live with somebody with it and they can't wake up, have a business or deal with commitments as you've done, to me it seems you are mostly sad because you want to always be on a peak, winning, sort of like a cocaine addict, hence my earlier comment about addiction This isn't true, depression has a pretty wide spectrum, and some depressed people are fairly high functioning. There are vast differences in severity, and it also surfaces differently in different people.

WHA8m 5y ago
Yes, but every depressed human will eventually break because of that. No way you're getting trough with that - given, the 'highly functioning' is a displacement for your depression. They have been depressed before, but afterwards it'll be much more apparent (and urgent).
thiago_fm 5y ago
Are you a psychiatrist?
- Trasmatta 5y ago
  Nope, but I've been diagnosed with mild to moderate depression for the past 16 years. You don't need to be a psychiatrist to know that depression doesn't always surface in the way you described.

czbond 5y ago

> but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work A lot of people find passion + work align. It's ok not to waste your time watching TV, sports, playing games, art, and all that stuff people do to distract them from life. It is ok for your hobby to be work. There are just enough people who aren't driven to work, that it bothers them. I can work 10 hours every day, and enjoy working that way on the weekends. Life is boring - if you're in charge of work, it can be fulfilling.

tcldr 5y ago
> It's ok not to waste your time watching TV, sports, playing games, art Art?
- whynotkeithberg 5y ago
  Basically he's someone who only finds value by producing economic value for someone else. Their own wants, desires etc have no value to someone else so therefor should not be pursued. It's a pretty fucked up view of what life should be. I'm sure they're someone that views old people as having absolutely no value in life as well.
  - dotnet00 5y ago
    That's a less than charitable interpretation. Perhaps he simply isn't interested in art?
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
  - czbond 5y ago
    Lots of assumptions there ;) Maybe we as people all just like different things?
whynotkeithberg 5y ago
Time you enjoy wasting is not time wasted. just because you feel work is the only thing that gives you purpose doesn't mean it's the only thing. Having material goods and producing material goods for others isn't the only purpose in life and a majority of people will not find true happiness out of this. It doesn't mean that laziness is the way to go, but viewing having hobby's that don't produce something as a bad thing is an awful outlook on life and just makes you a slave to others.

boucher 5y ago

Depression is not one thing, not everyone experiences it the same way as the person you live with.

malfist 5y ago

Echoing what other commenters are saying. Depression takes many forms, and some of them allow you to still function. Just like some people can be a high functioning alcoholic, some people can hold down a job and achieve high levels of professional success while everything else in their life is crumbling to their depression. There's also like 5 classes of antidepressant drugs, and several more that don't fall into a specific class. Each class has several options. If the first one doesn't work for you, that doesn't mean the next wont. The biological causes of depression aren't well understood and it's trial and error to find one that works for you. I would encourage people who are depressed to talk with their doctor, and find a medication that works for them. And don't be afraid to tell your doctor one isn't working, they won't be surprised. Depression isn't one size fits all, and the meds for it aren't either.

cdicelico 5y ago

Re: "Now there is still a lot of golden days, but it will never be like you were 20, for sure.", this is not necessarily a bad thing. 20-somethings move so fast because they don't have the experience to move strategically, to stop, think slowly and methodically, gather perspectives and advice, and make deliberate, powerful moves. Older people don't need to be so hyperactive; we move with more efficiency because we don't need to move as MUCH. Learn to play chess rather than checkers. This worship of youth is disease.

weakfish 5y ago

Repeating what others have said, but as the person in question. I'm incredibly depressed in the sense that I struggle to find motivation to achieve fairly basic tasks such as laundry, feeding myself, etc + extremely numbed emotions, but I am high functioning through a combination of anxiety and force of will (I'm graduating with a decent GPA from a state school with a job lined up). It can be highly invisible; in fact, I reckon that it is usually invisible and most only see the extreme cases such as your roommate.

thiago_fm 5y ago
Are you diagnosed, need to take medicine, is it chronic, do you need to visit your doctor frequently and have a lot of problems, even social issues...? If not, then you don't have depression, you are just sad/bored like most of the people in this world and is misusing a word and kind of downplaying on depression.
- weakfish 5y ago
  Yes, I am diagnosed by two different psychiatrists and have been taking medication and been in therapy for over 7 years. It impacts my life daily and has caused a great amount of harm in my life. This includes self-destructive behavior and (long ago) suicidal ideation. Don't make assumptions about people you don't know.

Kletion 5y ago

I'm 32, wish often enough to not live, think about unfairness around the globe. I'm often enough dreading work. My work ethic is very high, it is my hobby and I'm really good at it. So if that's not being depressed, I'm just realistic?

ZeroGravitas 5y ago
Could be both: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism

richardlblair 5y ago

There is a lot to comment on here, but I'm going to look at this: > Honestly depressed people can't get shit done as you do This isn't true. I'm sorry the person you're living with is having a hard time getting out of bed, but there are a lot of people out there who have very severe depression who are "successful". What you describe is just one form that depression can take. Some of the rest of what you wrote has merit. To be honest, it just sounds like OP doesn't have a fully developed sense of self (very common, esp for people in his generation). If they connect with who they are, and pivot their philosophy in life to connect with what's important to them (their values) they should at least feel a little better. This is where working with a therapist can be helpful. I'd specifically think ACT (acceptance commitment therapy) would be helpful in a situation like this. But, I'll leave the therapy stuff to therapy people.

i_love_music 5y ago

I personally love your take. I don't know about this person, but it resonates with me. Especially the part about treating life as a game or competition and the only success metric is work/money/power. I'm by no means a lost cause, but I dabble in that game more than I want to. Or, I should say, I assign too much self worth around those metrics.

thiago_fm 5y ago
I wrote specifically that comment above because I've wasted a few years of my life with this mindset and after therapy and a lot of struggles, I've figured out it has been what made me depressive and hate my life and myself. But I was lucky enough to change the situation around with therapy, friends and a framework that enabled me to... and now I live in peace with a degree of peacefulness with myself. I recognize that I can easily get addicted into something that gives me that feeling of self-improvement, money arriving in my bank account, stocks going up, being recognized by my peers. This at a modest level, it is actually great, because it will provide you a good standard of living and confort, but too much will make yourself miserable, only when I saw that I was basically like a cocaine addict and couldn't enjoy anything in my life and finally hit the breaks that my life changed.